Question–is being disinvited totally worse than not being invited and knowing things are going on?
Obviously, both are hurtful. Still, I think DIL would have felt left out in any event. And maybe I made it worse but I still think that if she made the effort to spend the weekend (she is doing med school rotations) and I went off to have my hair done and left her–well, that is just not how I treat her at all.
So thanks. I am going to wait to hear from D. If she says she does not want her SIL to be part of it then
I will also decline and DIL and I will get our hair done by my stylist. DIL love my stylist and gets her hair
cut whenever she is in town. I seriously would much much rather just go with DIL to my own person.
So…going to suggest this to D. I totally was dreading hanging out with the group. Too slow too long and
getting hair and make up is not fun for me. And I am the one needed to set up the decor on the restaurant
table and make sure the wine and cake is delivered.
I think to be disinvited now would be worse. She would realize the bride objected after you extended the original invitation. Your plan seems sound to me. And I believe your D will realize her SIL needs to be included once she stops and thinks it through.
You sound like a very kind and considerate MIL, to me!
What a good idea…except for the fact that both the father of the bride and the mother of the groom at this particular wedding happen to be 64 and might cringe a bit.
I love this song. Not sure if the bride and groom do, but I would certainly enjoy it.
My D’s recessional music will be live Djembe drums, but that probably won’t work for most!
She and FSIL agreed to let her sibs and I pick the reception intro music (with approval from the best man) and make it a surprise for them. It is going to be Throne Room & Finale from Star Wars. We told them it would not technically match the “Renaissance” theme but that it would fit their personalities.
Oregon, I can see the bride not wanting more than the bridal party and moms there. Is DIL upset she’s not a bridesmsmaid? Were you worried about that?
At times, in weddings, it can seem so many have ‘just one more simple request,’ to please others. You’re trying to do the nice thing, but how important is it? Will it change family dynamics or you’re just getting overwhelmed now?
All you’d need say is you hadn’t realized the reservation was already set.
If you’re looking for more traditional music, Purcell’s Trumpet Voluntary is wonderful. Back in the day, I used it as my recessional with a live trumpet and the church organ, of course. Very majestic and joyful.
Listen to this, I love it. You need to skip just googling cuz most will bring up a gospel version of the psalm. A good organist will know how to time it to the procession. I think we went a minute (maybe 1:11 on the video.) It’s nice if you like Pachelbel or Purcell, but have heaed them a gazillion times.
My D is processing to an instrumental version of The Last Goodbye from the Hobbit.
So we have some wedding drama here now. The FOG told the kids last night that he’s not now going to pay for the venue. Great. Thankfully, they are having a non-elaborate wedding, so they can cover the cost, but will need to cut back elsewhere. They asked me to look into photography/video options that might be less costly. Anyone have any ideas?
@Marian If the wedding is at church with in-house organist they can meet and give you some options - a music tasting! Some churches have guidelines for type of music. Nephew (one of in a field family weddings) used recorded instrumental blue grass - fit the location. Nickel Creek/Chris Thile, Bela Fleck or similar.
Side note - my H is a classical/church music snob There will NOT be any Pachelbel’s Canon in any wedding he pays for and he is still irritated 27 years after our wedding that church organist at our wedding turned down our recessional as being too hard (current organist plays it often as postlude, so he was just lazy). We had nice music (soloist and choir) within our service. The music selection will be serious when our Ds wed!
My suggestion would be to forget about the video altogether. IME those who have them tend to obsess about flaws they perceive–Look! My veil is crooked!!-- rather than just enjoying the memory.
Saving on the photographer probably depends on how much coverage they want. Do they want pictures of the bride getting ready? Or are they fine with some shots after the wedding? They can ask their friends to share candids somewhere private, where they can “curate” them and then make available.
Do they need a professional videographer? How many times/who is going to watch the video? Let a friend film a few moments. IMO, photos are priceless. Videos… we still have not watched the kidso’s, and it has been several years.
D walked down the aisle to Trumpet Voluntary played on a grand pipe organ. It was the same song I had used for my processional 35 years ago. As for “When I’m 64”, that was the song the couple requested the band play during the cake cutting.
We didn’t use a videographer. It just seemed like an easy place to cut costs. Family members actually got some good cell phone videos of the highlights of the night (i.e. first dance).
That would be a great idea if the wedding were in that setting.
But this particular wedding is at a small hotel, 2000 miles away from where the bride and groom live. (The geographic location makes sense because it’s where both the bride and groom come from and where many people in both families still live.) The ceremony music will be provided by the DJ who will also do the dance music for the reception (to be held at the same site). The bride and groom will not meet the DJ in person until the day of the wedding. They will have to request their music without actually hearing the recordings the DJ will use or how they will sound on the terrace where the ceremony will be held.
The bride (my daughter), who was a band geek from 4th grade through college, is actually fairly sophisticated, musically. She will want music that’s appropriate but not a cliche. And it needs to be suitable for the small venue, small number of people (about 45) attending, and time of day (it’s a brunch wedding). It also should not be humorous or religious. I’ve seen the ceremony script. It’s simple, sincere, serious, and secular. I think the bride and groom will want music that’s consistent with the ceremony.
My personal inclinations are toward the Spring part of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons and the Feather Theme from Forrest Gump, but I have learned through a year of wedding planning that my personal inclinations are usually just a starting point from which the bride and groom proceed to an entirely different decision.
