“Want to get all the housework done so I can enjoy getting my hair, facial, and nails done Thursday pm and not have to come home to do more ‘slave labor’.”
@SOSConcern Is it possible to hire a one time cleaning service like Merry Maids to give yourself a little break with cleaning given all the things on your plate this week?
Best wishes for the week ahead. How exciting!
@SOSConcern - I 2nd the cleaning service. Also just know as soon as the guests start arriving they will put their junk everywhere and the house won’t look so clean anymore. At least that is how my family operates. They walk in and the stuff gets laid down the first available surface.
Question- how involved are your grooms in planning the wedding. My S was told by his fiancé that she would like him to be more excited and involved in the planning. I think he just wants it nice and tell him where to be and when. I am not sure how much of my services to offer. Her Mom is busy and not in our town and I don’t think will be involved with the “details”. I live in the same city as S and fiancé and I have time and I enjoy planning events.
Okay, it’s all catching up with me now! I feel like @SOSConcern and I are “MOB’s-in-arms” kind of – both our D1’s getting married on Saturday and with our D2’s as MOH! Albeit very different weddings – this being CC, I’ll make the analogy that one is going to Hampshire and one to Notre Dame so to speak. It’s great when everyone can find their perfect fit!
Believe it or not, I’m on a college visit trip with S right now because he leaves for HS senior year abroad beginning of August and this was literally the only time that worked or he would have to pick a college sight-unseen. I’m supposed to be practicing for the mother-daughter dance right now. I promise I’ll do it the moment I finish here. The father-daughter dance is amazing, so thank goodness I go first. My husband and I have our parents of the bride Renaissance-themed outfits and I absolutely love them.
Of course I’ve been on the phone with D1 frequently, so had this conversation:
D1: The other dancers agreed to move up next week’s practice so it won’t conflict with the honeymoon, but that means I’m off to four straight hours of dance practice.
Snoozn: Well don’t drop a sword on your foot! [It’s a double-sword dance.]
D1: That’s like the least bad thing that could happen…
Snoozn: Oh…
D1: There’s one point at which I could drop it point-first onto my face! *
Snoozn: 
:-t [-O<
I’m worried about a million things right now, most of which I have no power over. My mind is too boggled to even remember what questions I had to ask you guys, so I’ll probably be back!
*Of course dance swords are not sharp, but they are otherwise “real” swords and quite heavy.
@rebeccar, you’ve gotten lots of great advice, I’ll just add that it looks like there are two ends of this spectrum:
I’m not saying you should go with option 1 rather than more of a compromise. Just keep in mind that you will not please these people.
Oh, now I remember one question! I was reading the discussion about expensive bridesmaid dresses. Most of D’s bridesmaids spent less than $50 because D and her dance partner were able to loan out the more expensive pieces. (I know that sounds odd, but they aren’t dresses, more costumes…) Anyway, the exception is the male bridesmaid who of course would not fit into the same sizes! I just found out that he spent a total of $400 on his outfit and he’s certainly not wealthy. I wish I’d offered to pay in the first place, but it seems weird now to say “Here, have a few hundred for your troubles!” Best way to retroactively gift? Okay, gonna practice that dance now…
If I could have ‘decluttered’ more before now, yes getting a cleaning service in here would have been grand. I also worked a lot of extra days which helped with our bank account, but put me off on the house. But when I have been in a pickle like this before, I do the best I can. Family is not judgmental. They are staying here two nights only. Want to have a nice lunch before we leave for 100 mile trek to wedding town - mostly for BIL who is making a great sacrifice bringing 88 YO parents on a long drive. H talked to his parents today, and his mom was more excited than he has heard her in a long time. So this definitely is a peak experience for them.
I agree with @snoozn aboutt @rebeccar situation.
Glad I have no dance expected. I do like to dance. H and DD1 had their Saturday lesson, and they will do fine. H has prepared his toast. If best man doesn’t cover some things, H will.
Appreciate good thoughts coming my way through Saturday evening!
HUGS!!! Enjoy!!! It will be loads of good memories and love.
made my first batch of guys flowers (hate spelling that bouteniours word)
It is fun and I did a pretty good job. Will keep practicing. Even what I did tonight is better than paying
$15-18 for one. Need about 10.
I got in hot water with D. We visited S and family on Saturday and DIL said they will drive down
Friday night. I stupidly said great she can get her hair done with all of us on Saturday.
D was not planning on having her and needs to invite her other SIL now.
I can absolutely tell DIL that there is a change of plans and she would never hold to against anyone.
D wanted His mom and me and her two BFF. She is thinking about what to do and I sincerely mean
I can talk to DIL. (one of the things I love about her)
I think she is being a bit of a Bridezilla even with a wedding of 21. But I am here to listen to what she
wants as no one did that for me and I had a miserable wedding.
My goof plain and simple but I wish she was feeling more inclusive.
My sister in law left me out on all of her day of bridal preparations, hair, nails, etc. We lived far away and weren’t super close though we get along very well. I am the only SIL and the brothers are very close. My husband was best man I think. My husband insisted I treat myself to getting my hair done for the wedding and wouldn’t you know it- there was the bride and all of her friends and my mother in law (who I am super close with) at the same salon. I could have died! But I sat there and got my hair done and left. I think that it is great you included the SIL, even if it was an accident. Long after the friends move on the SILs will still be around!!! And somehow I never forgot how excluded I was (my husband and daughter were in the wedding and I just sat around with other people while they had 4 hours of pictures done after the wedding with the wedding party!)
My FDIL has included my D and me in the day of preparations, and she has included my D in all the bridesmaid-related activities. In our case, my D is really part of the groom’s wedding party, but my FDIL has no sisters so she has graciously included my D. Thing is, especially at the bachelorette weekend, my D felt a little out of place. The rest of the bride’s friends/bridesmaids are all at least 6 years older than my D (they are in their mid-30s), and, in many cases, mothers. She feels guilty saying no, but in reality, she knows she’s there because she’s the groom’s sister. It can be a two-edged sword. However, and all that being said, on the day of the wedding, to not include the B’s SIL seems a little petty. @oregon101, in this case I might try, gently, to change my D’s mind to be willing to include SIL. It’s not a big ask.
@naviance it was IMHO a big oversight for SIL and MIL to not include you on the salon ‘event’.
So true to remember about family.
Sorry @oregon101 I don’t think you goofed up. I think you are being a very kind mil and including a person who is family. I hope your D rethinks things and decides to include her sil.
I wouldn’t backtrack on the invitation to dil, if the bride wants to exclude her, she can do it herself. She is wrong for not wanting her involved in this very small way.
I most definitely would have done what you did, the last thing you want is for there to be family disharmony on a family members wedding.
When I asked, DIL originally told me that she and her sisters were doing their own hair and makeup, so I said I’d just take care of it of myself (The wedding was 4 hours away from where we live and in the middle of nowhere, so finding someone myself wasn’t going to happen). I had a mani/pedi in my hometown 2 days before the wedding, and did my own hair and makeup in the hotel room.
When I saw the proofs, it was obvious that there was someone who had done hair and makeup for the bridal party at her mother’s house. I was never informed or invited. I’ll never bring this up with my DIL, but it still eats at me a little.
Little things can hurt feelings for a long time. My mom was disappointed that my SIL did not include my D and niece as flower girls. Mom never said anything to SIL about it, but I know that gesture would have gone a long way for my mom. @shellfell, maybe your DIL thought you were such a knockout that you wouldn’t need pro hair & makeup!
@shellfell, maybe DIL’s mother was paying and was limiting attendees…or maybe it never occurred to them to include FMIL…
We are trying to make what we think are good/correct/fiscally sound/common sense decisions looking thru our glasses, but need to remember others are seeing through their own lenses…
For many of us, it’s our first rodeo and bound to make mistakes of omission, etiquette, logistics…en route to attempting to get the wedding reflective of the wants and desires of the bride and groom, all while balancing wants/needs of both sides, family dynamics, religious customs, budgets…oye!
My biggest fear is inadvertently leaving hurt feelings…and having an upset bride and groom.
That’s why reading this thread is so helpful–it provides many items for consideration that I’d not thought of, and many viewpoints that I’d not considered…but maybe, it also feeds into my anxiety–I could have been blissfully ignorant-ha!
24 days!
Was it just younger women who got their hair done? Maybe it was an age thing.
New sister in law tried to get me to participate in hair and make up, but I declined. I appreciated the gesture, but it just isn’t me. (And this new sister in law is twenty years younger than I am and it just felt awkward.)
@rebeccar, I’ve been thinking about your situation, especially in light of what @snoozn said, and I’ve come to the conclusion that only the following would please your FFIL to the point of good behavior before, during, and after the wedding:
Since this cannot be, I think that meeting for counseling with the rabbi is a good idea. (Well, it is a good idea in any case. 
) Hold the wedding at whichever venue you decide, and allow your fiance to effect a compromise by chipping in for extra guests for his family. Not only will this save face in their community for them, but the fact that his son had to pay for his own wedding might help restrain his father from trying to lord it over him quite as much in the future.
Your future husband sounds like a great guy. So is your father, to keep the peace after being insulted to his face. I predict that in the future your H will see to it that his family has less and less influence on your lives. Sad, but true. You are not alone in this, believe me.
SIL (DH’s brother’s spouse) disinvited me as a bridesmaid (a groomsman dropped out and she didn’t want uneven numbers, so I was the obvious choice), and didn’t include me in any of the festivities and pre- wedding styling, though DH, S1 and S2 were in the wedding.
Was kinda awkward. Glad I didn’t have to wear the B/M dress, though!
Not to belabor the point, but I had specifically asked DIL a couple of months before the wedding if someone would be doing hair and makeup, and was told no. Also, her mother didn’t pay for anything having to do with the wedding, and I think my DIL knows me well enough to know I’d pay for myself if necessary. It was just surprising and hurtful to find out months later that someone was available to do hair and makeup after all.
^ ouch. Yep, I’d be hurt, too…
me too. I really hate feeling left out. I find it difficult to just include myself and to find out later would suck.