Apparently, the B’s touchiness is not limited to her mother…my H picked up our S and FDIL at the train yesterday. They came up to borrow a car to go to a friend’s wedding and my H said speaking to FDIL was like touching a hot stove. Their wedding is 2 weeks out and I think nerves are at a fever pitch right now…no one is spared. My S apparently thanked my H for being “the only one not giving them grief about the wedding.” Funny, probably because he’s had nothing to do with planning the wedding 
Happy Days–the window washers are here. H and I and my former housekeeper who is amazing are deep
cleaning the house. Tomorrow the carpet cleaner comes. The landscaping is in. I have my clothes except for
a small bag and some make up. I wear sports sunglasses so need a fancy pair. Nordstrom had a great pair that I found nearly the same --Kate Spade for $100 less from Amazon. H’s suit fits perfectly and just needs his shirt
pressed.
D and I have had one brief conversation about the cake I need to order. Now just odds and ends to go.
I seriously wish they had done a destination wedding. Even though not much is actually happening at the
house I know FSIL and he will offer his parents a tour…and he might even open closet doors…
Even the Linen closet looks amazing. And a wedding is a good excuse to organize anyway.
@oregon101, I have just stopped resenting the fact that my daughter’s venue is an hour’s drive (or longer in the usual bad traffic) from our house. Nobody is going to stop in and see whether the house is impeccably clean.
Question: The day-of-wedding coordinator has given us a list of people to tip. Her own name is not on the list, but I don’t know whether that’s because it’s inappropriate to tip her or because she would have felt awkward about including herself.
Would you tip a day-of-wedding coordinator? How much?
I had lunch with a friend who had pretty much the same vendors we will have. She tipped the band members, and the day of coordinator who she said was AWESOME!
Thank you, @thumper1.
I’m inclined to tip the day-of-wedding coordinator, too. We don’t know how her day-of performance will be yet, but even during the preliminaries, she has been very helpful and well informed. This is a stunning contrast with the venue’s events manager, who adds new shades of meaning to the word “inept.”
Our great niece really wanted a super simple gown and balked at paying for it. A saleslady mentioned to her that bridesmaids dresses could be ordered in white. That was perfect for her. It was simpler and lovely and totally her.
My daughter’s month-of coordinator sent her a “Tips on Tipping” sheet which was … helpful, I guess. Apparently the only person not in line for some kind of tip in addition to their specified charge is the officiant (presuming that he/she is paid, and/or that the church, if applicable, receives an appropriate donation). Here’s what the handout suggested:
On the “expected” list: hair stylists, makeup artists, delivery and set-up staff, wedding reception staff (onsite coordinator, banquet manager), transportation providers
On the “optional” list": ceremony musicians, band or DJ, photographer (if he/she is a studio employee, not owner) or photographer’s assistant, wedding reception attendants (meaning waitstaff and barstaff, if no gratuity is included in the contract)
On the “expected and appreciated” list: wedding planner/coordinator, with a suggested guideline of 10-20 percent of the planning package price, and $20-50 to any planning assistants.
Just gonna say - I believe in tipping. At restaurants, certainly, and I think it’s good karma at an event like a wedding. So I pretty much tipped as suggested above. BUT! I would like to see special event pricing changed to a flat fee per service and leave the guesswork out of it, and I think some vendors would like to see that, too. I imagine that sometimes they just aren’t tipped. Lots of families are probably surprised to realize that their budget has to be re-thought to accommodate tipping - I know we were on our first wedding go-round.
I dislike American tipping culture and how out of hand it has gotten. Just pay people a decent wage and leave it at that. Rant over. Back to wedding discussion…
I also feel tipping has gotten way too prevalent. There are tipping jars everywhere, even in full service restaurants and pretty much any place that serves any food. I don’t want to encourage the proliferation of the jars so I rarely put anything in them. I do tip on my check on sit down meals.
I would not just tip everyone who does any service related to an event such as a wedding. It’s way too much and out of control. We are years from any wedding, as best I can gauge anyway.
The wedding was DDs/SILs - on their budget with what his parents and we gave them. So they were the tippers. The church had specific amounts for all the things there - organist, etc. Everything else was with decent wage/contract.
I do like to tip those that are the worker bees and could use the extra $$, including throwing some money in tipping jar if I feel compelled.
The worker bees, yes. The rest, I’m not sure.
If someone is independently offering a service (eg, the planner,) they have set their own fees (their own wage.) If they do something out of the ordinary (eg, run off to get some stranded guests or whatever,) that’s different.
But even the worker bees should be considered and built into the contract in my ideal scenario leaving a tip for truly the “above and beyond” extra effort not just doing what your job is.
I get my hair done by a woman who works out of her home. She told me right off the bat not to tip her - she sets her rate based on what she wants to be paid. This makes sense to me. I don’t plan to tip the DJ, the make up person (who works for herself, not a salon), the photographer, the florist, the day-of coordinator, or the venue (which adds a 21% service charge as it is). I do believe in tipping for over-and-above service, so there may be tips given … but I don’t plan to do it just because.
When you run your own business, you should set prices that you want to be paid and NOT expect folks will give you extra “just because.” Tipping just makes everything more expensive.
We are doing the @kelsmom method of tipping. Except I think we will tip the band.
Why would you tip the band and not the photographer? Don’t they also set their own fees?
There are a lot of people who are very well paid and they also expect tips. The band who performed at my son’s wedding charged an eye-popping $12K. The in-laws paid and I am sure they tipped as well.
My D’s photographer charged an ungodly price and I am sure my D and her H tipped him a lot. This is the only one service that I asked D and her H pay because I was not interested in paying for an award winning photographer.
Exactly. They’ve been paid a great wage - something they contracted to. That should be sufficient. Enough with everyone having their hands out for more. People should do a great job because they are professional and it’s part of their job.
@Consolation the photographer is the owner of his business. He is getting paid a pretty penny to do his work.
The band…that is family preference here…as we have a musician in the family.
While this is not about wedding tipping we have had numerous workers here this summer doing
repairs and such. When it is the owner I do not tip but do let him know that I am tipping his people.
Sometimes I have given the tip to him to distribute. The owner or contractor never expects to be tipped.
How does this become different with a wedding? If you own your business then price yourself at a point
that unless you have done something special , like give a guest CPR, do to expect or even accept a tip.
Seems that would be a nice policy.