I went to a wedding this past weekend. With a wedding next year I’m taking notes at each of the weddings I’ve been attending. I liked the welcome bags. They were very simple with a bottle of water, several Kind bars (these were delicious) and I will suggest them to S and fiancé. I felt they were a step above the standard granola bar. A small tube of sunscreen since ceremony was outdoors. They also had a schedule of the weekend events. There was confusion as some of that information was different than what we had received in an email. They had games such as a large connect four, Jenga and a bean bag toss game which was nice for those who wanted to step out of the noise of the tent.
Ceremony- it was an interfaith marriage and they incorporated several Jewish wedding customs with a more modern interpretation. Instead of the bride circling the groom 7 times they each circled each other 3 times and finished with them circling together. They also each broke a glass. I had never heard of this but my friend also attended a Jewish wedding this past weekend and they did the same.
Huge miss in my opinion was the parents went on way to long. They had a slide show of both bride and groom. Later came a slide show of the bride from birth till present where her parents went on and on. Next the grooms Mom had a slide show of drawings and notes her S had done since childhood with commentary, grooms father also gave a speech. Next was the maid of honor and best man. It went on and on and most of the guests lost interest.
I hate to even think about the tipping.
Kind bars are made with mostly nuts and very little added sugar. They are sold in multi-packs at Costco! Yum.
The day-of-wedding coordinator for my daughter’s wedding told us that most people in the wedding world run very small businesses and do multiple jobs (including their own deliveries and assisting). So she recommends tipping everybody but keeping the tips fairly small.
I can see what I mean when I think about the vendors my daughter has hired. For example, my daughter hired a photographer whose company also does wedding flowers. That may sound odd, but it’s simply a married couple who are also business partners: the husband is a photographer and the wife is a floral designer. When one of these people is working a wedding, the other may act as an assistant if he/she doesn’t have another job that day. But if they both have jobs on the same day, they use other people as assistants.
The photographer will be bringing an assistant, but we don’t know whether it’s the wife or someone else. What are we supposed to do? Are we really expected to ask whether it’s the wife and withhold the tip if he says yes? Or does it make more sense to have a tip ready for the photographer’s assistant and give it to that person no matter who it is?
D1 is going to keep speeches short and sweet. I am just going to do a welcome speech, otherwise I would start crying.
The only speeches at the wedding reception were from the best man and MOH. At the rehearsal dinner, the B & G allowed any parent or other member of the wedding party to make speeches. Not everyone did and the speeches were short.
Short speeches here too. And no slideshow for the speeches. Our venue has a large screen in the cocktail area, and we will do a picture slideshow there. Folks can watch it…or not. Their choice. We have seen this at several weddings…and it was very nice…and nice not to have a long slideshow speech during the reception.
I think it’s traditional for the father of the bride to say something…but really…DH wouldn’t be great at doing this,so I will likely do a very short…and I mean VERY short welcome to the guests, and introduce the MOH who will be talking.
The goodie bags…oy. Those are very up for discussion here. We will do something for the hotel,guests…but not sure what.
For those with upcoming weddings, my husband has a request. We have been to many weddings where we only know one of the families, as would be the same for many people in attendance. My husband hates when there is no introduction of the family members at the first event of the weekend.
We have actually had to scout out the parents of the bride or groom, and sometimes the guest of honor, as it wasn’t obvious who everyone was. At our son’s wedding, we introduced the bride, her parents and siblings as well as our son’s grandparents and sister at the start of our welcome party. For my daughter’s welcome party which the kids hosted themselves, we did the same thing.
This is just a pet peeve of my husband’s, not knowing all the players at the wedding. There are times we might know the ones getting married, but have never met the parents. It is nice to be able to make small talk with the prior to the wedding when we know who they are! Of course if you are not attending an entire weekend event, this still could be done after the ceremony during cocktail, or at least once people are seated for dinner. I have actually been to a large wedding where I was not sure who the brides parents were to thank them at the end of the evening.
@snowball ours is an evening wedding on a Sunday. The welcome event is Saturday…and many of the guests won’t even be here then. We will introduce…but it doesn’t really help those who aren’t at the welcome event.
The parents of bride and groom, wedding party, and bride and groom will be introduced by the emcee when they enter the reception as well.
Also, MOG and I (MOB) have agreed we will circulate at the reception tables and introduce ourselves.
And the bride and groom…and the whole wedding party are on the website they created. With pictures.
As for speeches/toasts, our S’s wedding will have more than makes me comfortable, but no one asked me. At the wedding, there will be 4 siblings (2 for B, 2 for G), MOB, MOG/FOG, 2 friends of hers (quasi MOH), 2 friends of his (quasi Best Men). We have been asked to limit toasts to 90 seconds, but let’s be real, that’s 15 minutes without the MOB, and that’s likely to go on forever. I would have been happy to make our toast at the Night Before dinner, but S asked us to stick with the program. Oh well - there will be at least 4, if not many more from other friends and family during that party.
We attended a wedding three weeks ago–my D’s best friend from childhood–where the Dad gave a very bad toast/speech that rambled on and on. At one point he made a reference to a group of the bride’s childhood friends (including two who were in the wedding) as the “spoiled X-school girls with silver spoons in their mouths.” It wasn’t appropriate and it was rude to that group of girls who all attended this (destination) wedding. All five of them made mention of comment afterwards.
I’m friends with the bride’s mother (who is recently divorced from the Dad) and she was upset by the comment too. She thought the problem was that her ex didn’t prepare his remarks ahead of time. My D wasn’t the maid of honor but was in the wedding and the bride asked her to give a toast because the MOH (her sister) was totally uncomfortable doing it. My D spent a long time thinking about and preparing her toast. Made me realize that public speaking is difficult and it helps a whole lot to have some idea of what you are going to say.
D’s BFF friend’s B was married last week. Evidently the FOB rambled for way way too long and someone finally stopped him. He said embarrassing and inappropriate things. Guess it was very painful for everyone and esp.
the bride.
I’m thinking back to weddings I have been to (only a few recently), mainly family. I can’t really think of weddings with speeches. I guess we’re not a speech giving family. I’m beginning to think that is a good idea reading some of these stories.
I made sure my husband has his speech written and rewritten in advance to avoid any issues. While he would not have said anything inappropriate, he would have stammered and forgotten what he wanted to say! I think at many weddings, once those speaking have a few drinks under their belt, all bets are off as to what will come out of their mouths. 
This I think is more of an issue with the young guys; I would be horrified to hear a parents speak that way.
I’m nervous enough about just being the MOG, if I had to give a speech, ugh! I am not comfortable with public speaking.
This is getting more real. The shower was last weekend. They did a wonderful job, my fdil looked lovely and there was so much food and the food prepared by the MOB and bridesmaids was amazing. I had a great time.
The one wrinkle is that the kids decided just to invite the bridal party plus parents and grandparents to the rehearsal dinner. My sister is very unhappy and was very upset with me because I had to tell her. I didn’t make the decision and am not going to intervene. To invite all the aunts and uncles would expand the guest list by a lot and I guess the kids didn’t want a second reception. But I and my mom had to deal with wrath of sister. Family drama is the worst.
@deb922 I’m sorry your sister acted so pissy and brought unnecessary drama. I couldn’t imagine ever assuming an invite to a rehearsal dinner if I wasn’t in the wedding party.
Thanks @doschicos it’s what she does unfortunately.
My H offered to not go to the rehearsal dinner and my mom asked if she could bring my sister as her date. I get that sister is upset, she’s used to weddings that are more expensive and that out of town guests are invited. But everyone pretty much is from out of town. She’s a 9 hour drive and is flying her D in for the wedding.
But we could ask if my mom could bring my sister and my D could bring her D as my D doesn’t have a plus one? But then does that open a can of worms as none of the other aunts and uncles would be able to go?
My sister is bringing my mom to the wedding and she threatened to not show up until the day of the wedding which causes my mom to miss the rehearsal dinner. Its a source of stress for me.
No matter what the hotel has a 2 night minimum. We have a very small family and I expected sister to be invited but it’s not my gig.
Who is hosting the rehearsal dinner? If it is your son and DIL, they get to decide who can come. I wouldn’t ask for an exception. I would not have the niece come as your daughter’s +1. I would not have your H give up his place.
She’s being irrational, for sure. If no one else was invited in terms of extended family, she’s not missing out on anything whatsoever. She should spend her energies getting the rest of the relatives together for a group dinner that night. Isn’t spending time together the point, not whether it is under the heading of Rehearsal Dinner or not? Sheesh. Don’t waste another moment worrying about it, @deb922. And yes, do not have your husband give up his spot!
@deb922- only would ask for an exception for sister if your mother would benefit from having her there for any form of assistance or transportation. (Of course, then there is your niece… ) Trading out your H doesn’t seem fair to him or you, as well as B/G. Invites and guest lists are specific to individuals, not just numbers.
Best with this.
Good point about the grandmother possibly needing assistance during the rehearsal dinner.
If grandmother does need assistance, and you had planned on sister providing that assistance so you could focus on enjoying the evening, then you have a valid point to ask about. (Be honest, though, both about grandmother functioning better with a trusted aide, and about whether your sister will actually be a good aide or whether she will desert your mom and leave you to do all the real assisting.)
If grandmother comes alone, who will she sit with and talk to. Is she in good enough health, have good enough hearing to enjoy the evening?