Was Grandma invited, Mrs XYZ Plus One?
Of not, don’t think they’re expecting her to drum up a date.
How often does Sis get her way by manipulating someone else’s wishes? What says everyone has to get in a tizzy, rearrange, stay back or whatever, just so she can go.
“We love you, Auntie. We’ll be so happy to see you and cousin at the wedding.”
Wow, I am sorry your sister is causing such problems.
My mom is in very good shape, no assistance needed. I’m very blessed in that both sets of grandparents are doing great with no problems. Only my dad has passed away, my s is fortunate that he still has 3 grandparents alive and doing well. My mom will talk to my mil who is very friendly and they get along well.
My H is not going to get out of the rehearsal dinner and he knows that. His point was that who would be annoyed that they weren’t invited.
And yes my sister is a master manipulator. When I talked to my mom she told me my sister had a point. But after we discussed it, she understood that my sister does this and plays us.
I’m glad I discussed this, I think I will tell my D she shouldn’t bring my niece. They love each other but it wouldn’t be right. Besides they would probably get drunk and be an annoyance
Some of the problem is that we have an extremely small family. There probably won’t be anyone for my sister to go to dinner with except my H’s aunt who she’s never met. The only other family we have is my H’s brother and wife and mil thinks they won’t be there for dinner on Friday. Besides they are notoriously unreliable
So sorry! I also have family who acts this way.
I would consider asking one of my own friends if they would take sister and her D out for dinner.
Maybe also drive them to a new site–a park or the riverwalk or whatever.
I do not remember if this is a destination wedding but even so I would try and think of
someone to ask for this favor. If your sis declines at least you tried. I would try to do this as an act of understanding that she is feeling left out after traveling so far…even if I knew this is just how she acts.
:^o .
D and FSIL have made decisions that I know a few of our family and some friends do
not understand. But it is not my wedding. Period.
Isn’t this sister flying her own daughter in?
My cousin made a few decisions about her wedding that I would not have made (no children being the big one) but that’s what she wanted. Our family is small, but her husband’s is huge and all rather local, so we told ourselves that it wasn’t ‘us’ she was limiting but those in-laws. Her rehearsal dinner had a max of 30, so when I didn’t go, they could invite another person.
This: “But it is not my wedding. Period.”
Thank you, @oregon101. That is all I need to remember and, hopefully graciously, convey to others.
Our rehearsal dinner will be the same. The wedding is in a Sunday…rehearsal will be Friday.
We are having a little “welcome party” on Saturday night.
I have three sisters, and DH has 5 siblings. NONE of them are invited to the rehearsal dinner,
We also had a very small dinner prior to the welcome party for my son’s wedding. The dinner, was held at the same location as the welcome party, but was held 2 hours earlier. The dinner was for the bridal party and their SO, the bride and groom’s siblings and SO, parents and grandparents. Anyone invited to the wedding, was also invited to the welcome party. My mother had a fit as we did not included my father’s 90 year old cousin who had traveled to the wedding. I asked my aunt if she could join her family for dinner, and arrive with them to the welcome party; she was happy to help out. While my father’s cousin was not related to my aunt, they did know each other from times she had visited my parents. While my mother still thinks we could have included the cousin, I think she will survive!
@deb922 - who is hosting the rehearsal party? Isn’t that usually hosted by the groom’s family? If that’s the case, why shouldn’t you be able to invite whoever you want to the party?
Even if the happy couple is paying for the whole wedding, I think it is nice to invite out-of-towners to a welcome party the night before. Instead of having a nice fancy rehearsal dinner, why not have a casual get together.
The kids are making all of the decisions on the rehearsal dinner and I am respecting their wishes.
The problem is that the bride has a large extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins, their husbands and children. My family consists of 7 people who won’t already be at the dinner.
In my sisters defense, she lost her husband a little over a year ago. This is the first family celebration without him. It will be hard for all of us. But I don’t know how to solve this.
And yes, my sister is bringing her daughter and she has a teenage son.
I really do feel terrible about this.
And yes @oldfort that was exactly what my H said, why can’t we invite her and her kids? That it wasn’t a big deal.
I just don’t want to step on fdil’s toes because I was told that aunts and uncles were not invited. I wasn’t asked.
I mean if we invite sister, do we also have to invite the 40 people on her side to make up for 3 people. It makes a small event into 1/2 of the reception
I’m just going to give a counterpoint, in case anyone needs it. Someone is throwing a wedding, spending money, whether cautiously or gobs of it. The focal point is the couple, even if our culture is trending more and more toward focusing on the guests. You are having a ceremony, a reception. What says you need any welcome party? On top of that, what says the rehearsal dinner is whoever wants to come? It’s the last celebration of the B and G before marriage and a thank you to those standing up for them. The guests will “participate” via the ceremony, they don’t “need” invitations to every single event. (Whats next? Inviting them to get their hair done?" lol.) Imo, let the B and G have their say. What dictates a goodie bag? Or anyone who wants being able to Plus 1?
I am going to give a counterpoint… We traveled out of country for my nephew’s wedding. I know I would have been disappointed if the only event I was invited to was the wedding.
D1’s future parents-in-law wanted to do a traditional rehearsal dinner for the wedding party, but the couple didn’t want their guests to have to fend themselves and they also wanted to spend time with their guests.The compromise was the parents would host a rehearsal brunch then follow up with a welcome party that evening.
Oldfort, to a different culture, that emphasizes the larger group, yes?
I’m including both the ceremony and the reception. I do agree just the service is short. And when the B and G want more, fine with me. I do know you and your D are blending cultures. I am just responding to all the “musts” that run through this thread, at various points. And whenever something isn’t what the B and G want. That’s all.
That’s great, oldfort, and YOUR way of doing the wedding. deb922’s son made a different choice. Deb isn’t hosting. Her son knows his aunt is coming and maybe already asked if he could include 2 more but bride and family thought she’d then have to make exceptions for her 30 relatives also. It’s his party. If she says she’s not coming to the wedding at all, maybe he’s willing to have that happen. When my cousin got married, no kids, no exceptions even for my kids who would have been from 2000 miles away.
It’s not what I’d pick. I’d have a casual picnic and invite everyone - kids, dogs, neighbors - but that’s me. I’m going through this right now with a group of college friends holding a reunion. Some want to restrict the tailgate before the game to just those in our group (with tickets to the game) and I say who cares who stops by a tent in a parking lot and says hello? Last year several people had cousins, brothers, friends stop by and it did get a little crowded, but we had tons of food and drinks, and took pictures and chatted. I don’t care who stops by to eat chips but the others on the planning committee thought it was too many people.
Deb, if she doesn’t come to the rehearsal dinner, maybe you can fuss over her in some easy ways that may mean much to her and take only a few minutes total of your time. Make sure she’s seated way up front for the ceremony. Intro her to some guests. I know of a situation where the widowed close relative was given a rose in memory of her loss.
No, it was very WASPY and the wedding only had 100 guests, 70 of them were from out of town.
Sorry everyone–the bottom line is this is the Bride and Groom’s wedding.
The only appropriate thing to do is explain to the two of them the situation.
You could be very surprised as they may have a creative solution.
And if they just say no then that is the answer. And the explanation to the sis and if
sis is angry at the B and G then that is on them.
I am willing to be the messenger for the bride and groom–BIL asked H if he is invited to the ceremony
and H had to say no–just the sibs and parents. I have had to tell family friends who ask if they
are going to get an invitation and tell them no. It is awkward and I do not altogether agree but
it is not my wedding. If these friends and relatives are upset with B and G and this
changes their future relationships then that is on them. I trust that this is not on H and myself at all.
When my brother got married, they said immediate family only - no aunts, uncles, or cousins. We got there and her aunt was there. To this day, we have never told aunts and uncles on our side that she was there; they would have been very hurt.