We are now 5 days out from the beginning of wedding weekend. The weather forecast is iffy (outdoor spaces at both rehearsal dinner and wedding), the bride is getting cold feet about their honeymoon to Japan given the current geopolitical situation, and the tailor screwed up both my and my D’s dresses (2 different tailors). My S called last night and asked me to be on call to act as travel agent, I have to go back into the city to deal with my dress and my 85-year-old mother is now with us for the week. And you know what, I feel a sense of calm that I didn’t think I had in me. It will all be fine, what isn’t will become the basis of stories for years to come, and the important thing is that the kids are getting married.
To the above conversation, our rehearsal dinner is over 80 people (of the 200 coming to the wedding). The “wedding party” or “wedding scrum” as my S calls it, is enormous, as is the immediate family. We just said the heck with it and decided on a casual, beer hall buffet dinner with food truck-style food as a true counter to the more formal wedding. Others make the decisions that work for their families. With what is going on elsewhere in the country, I’m just grateful that my family is safe and we will be able to share in the joy that is the wedding.
This past weekend my side of the family was together upstate for my niece’s Bat Mitzvah - I think that experience is the source of my calm. I realized that what was most important to me was the ability to look around and see cousins from across the country dancing and smiling together, see my mother’s face, beaming with pride, and see the love on the soon-to-be-married couple’s faces as they danced. It’s all good.
Good luck @runnersmom this weekend. It is supposed to be a beautiful weekend in NYC. Since it is the last long weekend in the summer, it should be kind of quiet. You shouldn’t have any problem getting around town.
It makes sense for the photographer to pay his or her assistant if s/he feels an assistant is necessary. The photog’s fee should reflect paying an assistant if that is so. It is not your photography business and not your problem.
@oldfort, if you’ve seen a good forecast for this coming weekend, please send it my way! My zen state was sorely tested today as I spent 8.5 hours in alteration hell at Saks. The evening wear manager ended up refunding my alteration fees and treated my friend and me to lunch as they tried to make my dress right. In the end, it’s still too big on top and the fabric bunches a bit around the zipper, but I refused to leave without it. My best friend told me it looks fine and only I will notice what’s not right. I just have no time to make another trip to the city before Saturday. The kids decided to go ahead with their honeymoon plans, so that’s one thing off my plate. Now I just have to finish the welcome bags and make many lists of things to remember to take with me to the hotel, the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding!
@runnersmom, sorry you were so stressed and that the dress isn’t perfect but glad that the manager did what he could to help make things as good as he could. I’m sure that others will think you look perfect in your dress. Our D had to get 2 dresses in order to get one semi-decent bridesmaid dress that left welts on her arms (because the armholes were too snug) and the dress really didn’t fit as well as one would like. She still looked fine and has happy memories of the day.
Wishing all on this thread happy weddings and all the celebrating the accompanies them!
@runnersmom - your friend is probably right that you will be only one to notice it. I have to say I am not surprised by your experience at Saks. We went to Saks to find a wedding dress for D1 and we were surprised by how messy their bridal salon looked. Their salespeople were dragging those very nice wedding dresses across their dirty floor.
Sending very nice weather for this weekend your way.
I cannot fathom how a happy wedding could be possible.
My daughter’s wedding is scheduled for this Sunday. Getting ready for it has been a year of utter hell, and it isn’t over yet. There are still many things to be done, and any or all of them could go wrong.
Sunday is the day on which my daughter, her soon-to-be husband, and to a lesser extent, their local helper (me) have to prove ourselves in front of his huge, very sophisticated, successful family – the people who will be my daughter’s family for the rest of her life.
How could anyone enjoy such a situation?
The best-case scenario is that nothing major will go wrong and we will all feel relieved when it’s over. But happy? I can’t imagine it.
IMHO @marian - try to focus on trusting all the planning and the hired help, smile and enjoy the fruits of your labor. If things don’t go exactly right, if there is tension by you or your DD that takes away from everything; smiling and going with the flow will help the event go lovely. And you will enjoy it more!
Things one could say ‘went wrong’ were many - starting with all the issues with my 88 year old in-laws who stayed at our home before and after the wedding weekend - their forgotten and lost things all weekend long (white dress shirt for FIL forgotten at his home and needed to purchase day before the wedding; lost wallet day of wedding which was turned in; forgotten dentures for pictures, etc). H and brother got in-laws checked into hotel (venue was 100 miles from our home) after a large lunch I served at our home the day before the wedding. I should have gotten up very early and packed myself - but thought I had time in the afternoon after they left. I left the house 1.5 hours late and missed the wedding rehearsal (H was there and that is the important thing!). I was also late to the rehearsal dinner (it was buffet; I got my plate, set it down, and circulated around the room and it was FINE). H was ticked at me - I brought all the bar things for us having cocktails in our suite (another of those things that delayed my travel to the venue city). H and his parents and a few others went to our room after the rehearsal - while I went to the hotel bar with another of our guest groups - why subject myself to one group when I could more enjoy another? I had fun and got to see/have meaningful conversations with relatives/friends who live many states away and have not seen for many years.
DD and FSIL had things planned very well. DD handed me a typed 3 page itinerary.
One thing - the friends that were supposed to help with clean up…after the send off of the bridal couple, H and I enlisted a few friends and we took care of clean up because no one else was doing it. Hall had to be cleared by a certain time. We got the gifts, own table clothes, centerpieces (to give away), etc - it took us less than an hour and worked out fine.
Take the time with people when you can. We hosted a late cocktail party in our room after the wedding as well, so more time to talk with family/friends. Sis and her H had an early Sunday flight, so went to their room for us 3 to have time together; sis and her H went to 6 am breakfast and I joined them to again have time with them. Was able to enjoy breakfast conversations at the hotel both Saturday and Sunday with our family/friends.
H and I had to leave the venue city earlier on Sunday than we wanted (had to miss planned things) because FIL/MIL were ‘tired’ and we needed to bring them to our home. Then it was back to scullery duty for me as I prepared a large dinner, and three other family members (who were able to stay in venue city and enjoy the day before others had to fly off).came to dinner and overnight stay before traveling by car back with in-laws the next day.
The time in venue city I totally enjoyed! H and I had a wonderful time with wedding/reception, and the wedding IMHO was the best I had ever been to!
Oh, @Marian, it will be wonderful. From a Labor Day Sunday MOG to you, the MOB, please try to take a moment to enjoy the day. I’m sure it will be wonderful and everyone will appreciate the “year of hell” because the end result will be an amazing wedding day for your D and FSIL. If that huge, sophisticated, successful family can’t see past any minor glitches to appreciate the love that defines a marriage, well, that’s their problem.
My biggest fear is that it will all go by so quickly that I won’t be in the moment. Most of the external details are under control, my S sounds very calm, and I’m confirming everything within my control with the appropriate vendors. There is a wedding planner, and although my FDIL is not completely thrilled with her, I think she’ll be a fine point person on Sunday. My guys got engaged on November 13, 2016…the months have flown by and I can’t believe it’s here. To @marian and anyone else celebrating weddings this weekend, I wish you patience, love, joy, and great weather, wherever you are!
@oldfort, thanks for the weather assistance! Sunday now looks like it will be lovely, and I can deal with a little rain for the rehearsal dinner. Now they’re saying even that may pass us by, so I’m crossing my fingers.
As for Saks, yes, I was disappointed in their alterations department, but in the end the department manager for evening wear did all she could and I left with fewer bad feelings than I could have The good news is that I still love the dress - she (the manager) actually offered me to pick out something else and I tried on every navy evening gown without embellishment they had in stock, but loved my dress more than any of them. It looks good and I feel good - the minor problems are ones I, alone, will notice.
My D had a dress meltdown as well. After months of searching she chose a lovely floral Ted Baker dress that only needed to be shortened a touch. Her tailor (recommended to her) said no problem, and my D warned them not to cut the hem. So, what did they do, they cut the fabric and the hem is uneven. She, too has achieved wedding zen, and my Type A, high anxiety D said, “well, I’ll just wear flats.” Truth be told, she’d rather wear flats, and since the dress is long and she’s 5’8", no problem. After the wedding she’ll have the dress cut to just below the knee so it will be more wearable.
If the weekend proceeds with issues no greater than these, all will be well and by 6:30pm Sunday they will be wed. I can’t thank everyone here enough for all the advice, support, and hand holding you have provided over the last 9 months. I promise to let you know how things go!
Thank you everyone for the good wishes and advice.
I still cannot even imagine enjoying a family wedding. I can’t imagine enjoying final exams or a job interview or a root canal, either. To me, a wedding is similar to those events, but with higher stakes.
I realize after reading your comments that this is an unusual and unwelcome viewpoint, so I’m out of here until after the wedding.
Oh we know you were trying to be supportive @runnersmom
But I do understand the anxiety and worrying involved @Marian. I do hope you will come back here on Tuesday and will be looking in the rear view mirror. It sounds like the future il’s are intimidating but I hope they are nothing but grateful and supportive.
Good luck to you also @runnersmom. My D has her dress fitting on Friday. The dress that they made us order is huge and hoping it can be altered to something presentable. Ugh, to the alterations department for both you and D. Unnecessary stress but it sounds like Saks was very supportive
I am not a person comfortable being the center of attention and I would guess I have anxiety problems so I remember wanting my own wedding to be small and intimate so I could get through it.
My mom and mil did not share this and each wanted to invite their friends and have a big celebration. We compromised and had a smaller than they wanted but bigger than I did. It turned out well and I got through it.
I’d rather that my kids have a small wedding and that I could just melt into the woodwork. I wish that the day would be about me and my kids but my relatives will make it about them as they do.
But I intend to have fun, and forget about my anxiety. That’s what I keep telling myself
I’m sorry @SOSConcern that your H’s relatives would have been in charge of the grandparents. It’s sad that you had to leave while they got to enjoy themselves. I want you to know that.
As a person who has undertaken many events, not all weddings, it is easy to get wrapped up in the minutiae and details and worry about each little thing going perfectly well. Reality is that guests don’t know all the details and don’t miss or notice what we do if something is forgotten or goes wrong. They just want to have a good time and will take pleasure in seeing the wedding families have a good time. If anyone knitpicks, they truly don’t deserve further thought. Their issue!
Wishing all the best for those having Labor Day weekend events! Have fun, and yes, enjoy the moment!
marion, I am right there with you. I have never enjoyed weddings. I dislike everything about them.
It was with great relief that D and FSIL decided to have a tiny ceremony here and their celebration party
in Boston. They basically have not invited any extended family at all which has been a relief for me
(selfishly said).
I have really enjoyed this thread and love the support and the reports. Fingers crossed for you to have
a smooth day.
The good news is that I still love the dress - she (the manager) actually offered me to pick out something else and I tried on every navy evening gown without embellishment they had in stock, but loved my dress more than any of them. It looks good and I feel good - the minor problems are ones I, alone, will notice.