We had a HUGE wedding because my dad and my in-laws wanted one (about 750 attended). We were OK and glad they were happy. Since then, we’ve had many huge parties (about 200+) for my folks because DAD likes them. I personally like smaller gatherings and that’s what we do for ourselves and our kids (just immediate family and perhaps a few very close friends). Even for our “significant” birthdays, we don’t have big events, even though both my brother and sister had huge parties for their 60th birthday, we only had my kids and H for my birthday and H’s.
I don’t think I even know 750 people!
Honestly, many of the guests were friends/relatives of my folks and in-laws folks. I’m into small, more intimate gatherings, personally.
@Marian - sorry this time is worrisome and unpleasant. I think getting this far under the circumstances you are experiencing counts as “proving” yourself. May there be good moments.
D1 is planning everything down to the smallest detail. She gets upset with me when I say, “Do you remember the color of napkins or flowers they had in the bathroom?” When I throw a party (have done few sweet 16s, milestone birthdays, etc) I just make sure there is plenty of food/booze and good music.
Ok, I really like this dress, but it only comes in size 8 now. http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Rickie-Freeman-for-Teri-Jon-Sleeveless-Floral-Jacquard-Cocktail-Dress-Pink/prod199620187/p.prod
I think it would be good for the welcome party. I keep on checking on it, hoping someone would return a size 4.
I really like that dress! I cannot wear light pinks but would appreciate seeing on someone else.
Have you googled the dress to see if a different store would have it?
I see an argument brewing with D. They are now having friends and parents over Friday night
to hang out in the backyard or just say hi and serving beer. Period. I misunderstood and thought it was a BBQ
as D and I were texting. “NO FOOD! $$”. Ok, really? Kiddo just do not make H and I unhappy that
we wrote you a check and have bowed to your wishes so far. Beer alone does not make people feel
welcome. Drop another $30 and I will put together appropriate appetizers.
@oldfort Nice dress. Channels Jackie O. Try calling NM. Maybe they can locate a 4 for you in one of their stores.
Deep breaths, deep breaths! MOB texted me at 5:31am this morning to tell me that she just HAD to invite one more person to the rehearsal dinner. Now, there are 8 people coming and it’s a casual buffet in a beer hall, not a sit-down dinner, but the weather forecast looks like it will negate our use of the attached courtyard, so even one more person will be felt. And she tells me, doesn’t ask me…AYYY. Breathe…breathe!
@oregon101, I feel your pain. Why do these kids not understand that if the event is being held in your house, you, too, need to be comfortable with the entertaining plan. Are you willing to fund it independently if D continues to balk at the $$? Just little nibbles to go with the beer?
Rule of thumb…don’t serve alcohol without some kind of food. I wouldn’t ask…I would get some small appetizers…and call it a day.
Pizza and salad would make a lot of people happy.
@oldfort - I second what dos said. Call your Neiman (especially if you have a regular SA you shop with) and ask. Their online inventory and store inventory do not completely overlap. That is a gorgeous dress and I would hate to miss out on it! Alternatively, if you do want it badly, ask if 8 can be taken down to 4. It is usually possible.
If there is something I really want, and a store does not have a way to check inventory at their other stores, I have been know to make the calls myself! Sometimes, I don’t trust the sales associate to really look, and have had luck finding the item myself.
If anyone is looking for invitations or other paper, Wedding Paper Divas is offering a 40% off code if you order within the next two weeks - they are closing the site and moving to Shutterfly. I can vouch for the quality.
Oh boy, I hate coming back here but I have something else I’d like advice on.
My D felt strongly that her aunt be included in the rehearsal so she called her brother. They weren’t thrilled but said that if my mom and sister wanted to include them as their plus ones then they would allow it. There’s a teenage son but I told son that his cousin would be included and that was that if we asked aunt and daughter. He won’t be left alone. So I told S to think about things. Here’s the problem with my sister. Her husband died a little over a year ago and these family events are really hard. And as I said before there are literally no other relatives from my side of the family.
I even discussed things with my husband and offered an additional amount for the rehearsal dinner to help the bridal couple. And I don’t like upsetting anyone and here I feel in an impossible situation.
But here’s an additional wrinkle. I get a text today that the bridal couple has booked there honeymoon, flying from their hometown which is a 10 hour drive from where they are getting married. For Monday morning. So no brunch, no opening gifts as they need to leave Sunday early to get home to fly out the next day. I was told, not asked my opinion and when I talked to him earlier the plan was to fly from much closer to the ceremony.
I am feeling much more strongly that sister be invited to the rehearsal. She is coming from father than any other relatives and flying her D in. My other sil’s kids in college are not making the trip even though it is not far and they have a ride.
I feel now that sister is flying people in, bringing my mom and all she gets is the ceremony. No rehearsal, no welcome party, no brunch, no opening gifts. Nada. She’s paying also for my mom is fly to her town and bringing her.
I know I’m obsessing about this and it’s tearing me apart. I’m sorry for bringing this up again and sorry it’s not an upbeat positive post. I have literally not interceded in anything with this wedding and have invited very few people.
Sorry again, I feel terrible
deb, I’ve had several deaths in my family in the last year and a half. It makes for raw feelings and complicated situations. My D is getting married in May. I’m mostly staying out of things, unless asked for suggestions. Like you, I have almost no family. My D and I are going to tangle about my brother. I’ve thought about it a lot, and what I’ve come up with is that I have the right to expect certain courtesies as her mother, and I respectfully believe that you have the same right. Under the delicate circumstances, yes, I think you can and should gently tell the couple that they must invite your sister to the rehearsal. They may not have to like it, but they should be aware that it looks incredibly unkind to treat someone so shabbily who has made such an effort to support their wedding. This is the very rare situation where I would (and possibly will) tell my child that she can do the right thing or she can go to war with me before achieving the same or a less desirable outcome. However, before you go nuclear, you can gently point out how very unkind it would be to exclude her.
I had a thread several years ago about a family wedding. There were ups and downs, but two of the key players in the drama, my mother and sister, were among the recent and unexpected deaths. The choices made with respect to that wedding colored the relationships very darkly after that wedding. We always expected that time would heal the wounds, but it turned out that there wasn’t time. My niece bitterly regrets the choices she made in pursuit of a perfect wedding because heartache has made her humble in the meanwhile. It’s far better to be inclusive and remember the love in a family.
I understand where you are coming from and I’m sorry.
PS I always thought that out of town guests were always included in the rehearsal dinner.
Yeah know, I originally thought your sister was being too needy, and maybe she still is, but in light of all she has been through with her husband’s death, sometimes we stretch the rules and accommodate those people in our family that need special support. It’s just the humane, family thing to do sometimes. A few more people won’t ruin the rehearsal dinner. If others gripe about the exception, all one has to do is point out the loss of husband and my guess is they won’t continue to gripe. If it means you and your husband need to throw some cash your son’s way to cover the cost of the extra people, do it. I’d be inclined to include the teenage son as well, unless he’d be really bored. They’re all feeling the loss of husband/father I’m sure and family events when a loved one is no longer there can hit hard. Time to circle the wagons and support family when you can. Including them really won’t hurt anybody, will it?
It is tough when there are deaths and also when there are a TON of out-of-town guests. With my niece’s recent wedding, both our kids flew in, nearly all the friends of the couple flew in, all the groom’s family and relatives flew in, so about 75% or more of those attending flew in. The rehearsal dinner was about 80-100 people and the wedding was about 200! There was a “morning after” breakfast for whomever was available and nearly everyone came! It was a lot of love and lots of expense for a lot of guests. Everyone had a great time visiting and I’m glad it was as inclusive as it was but it was pretty tiring for the wedding couple and family.
Thanks for your incredibly kind response @zoosermom.
The kids decided to have their wedding in a place where everyone attending is from out of town but most all are from the same state and within a couple hours drive. They didn’t want a second reception and everyone is from out of town. I am not in the loop at all with the wedding plans. See the non communicating child thread Lol!
Deb, I hesitate to even post here, so feel free to disregard.
Shortly after my mom’s sudden death, my family flew in to a little cousin’s wedding. We were invited to the rehearsal dinner. The hotel had messed up one of our rooms, and it was about 5 when we got in. The hotel sent up a gift basket, with cold cuts, cheeses, fruits, wine–just huge. So my sister, son, and dad sat on the beds eating and drinking. It was the first time we were together since the funeral. It was wonderful to see my dad laugh and my son was talkative. Then we realized the time! Everyone rushed to shower and dress, but we missed the busses. Ordered a cab. No one noticed our tardiness.
My point? Well, your sister could make this a special time with her family. Why feel like interlopers when you have each other? As far as the morning breakfast, just arrange it yourself with your nearest and dearest.
I agree to have your own morning after breakfast/brunch. I have gone to one where bridal couple was not there - it was just to have a quiet chance to visit with all the out of towners that you missed chatting with on wedding day. Even if just a room at hotel and bring in pastries and coffee, it will be nice to have that time together.