@runnersmom, sorry to hear about your bad experience with the wedding planner. I think you are right to have expected better service.
We had only a day-of-wedding coordinator, but she was wonderful.
Because we had only hired her for the day, we did a lot of preparation ourselves, including providing reserved seat signs for the ceremony, a seating chart poster for the reception, gift bags for each of the children, table number signs, and place cards. All of these things magically showed up in the right places at the right times, exactly the way we had specified when we filled out her questionnaire a few weeks earlier. The high chairs and booster seats we had requested for the smallest children also were in the correct spots.
Our coordinator also arranged a short meeting between the officiant and the bride and groom before the ceremony, lined people up for the processional, made sure the music for the processional started at the right time, located all the people who needed to be in the family pictures, did most of the work of bustling my daughter’s dress, arranged for announcements, brought gifts up to my daughter’s guest room several times, and made sure that the tips we had previously put into envelopes got to the right people. And she must have worked with the other vendors because somehow the flowers and cake were in the right places, and the DJ, who was unfamiliar with the venue and had been concerned about where he would be able to plug in his equipment, had everything properly set up for both the ceremony and reception before we were even aware that he had arrived.
My daughter and son-in-law had not particularly wanted to have a day-of-wedding coordinator, but I did, so I said the four magic words, “I’ll pay for it,” after which all objections vanished. I’m so glad she was there.
@busyparent, my dress was, as predicted, fine. I knew it was too big on top, but it had one shoulder, so I was not yanking it up all night. Everyone said it looked stunning. The MOB and I looked as if we coordinated in more than color since her dress had a ruffle at the waist and mine had one on the shoulder. I was comfortable, and it was easy to dance in. I did change from my floral heels to my white converse sneakers to dance, however!
@runnersmom, that’s why I posted that comment. We got exactly what you needed and didn’t get. Perhaps our coordinator’s familiarity with the venue was a factor, or maybe we just lucked out.
Of course, the wedding planner for your son’s wedding may have been much more helpful during the planning stage than she was on the day of the wedding. We didn’t hire a planner because my daughter’s wedding was too small and simple to need one.
@marian, that’s true, but to be honest I was not involved in a lot of the planning so I only saw the day of incompetence. The MOB hired her only for the month before the wedding, so her primary job was to coordinate the final details. She had been on the venue’s approved list so I assumed she’s know the lay of the land, but apparently not. I know MOB was calling the venue today - we’ll see if she’s still on the list.
I have a friend whose son is getting married this coming weekend. One of the groomsmen got called to Puerto Rico for hurricane Irma relief. (Marine’s) The couple had planned to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon.
Being a meteorology buff, S made sure they planned their honeymoon in late Aug 2 years ago for an area not prone to hurricanes. I hope your friend’s son’s plans don’t get badly upended.
D’s future in-laws were here for dinner tonight. I am glad that we are getting to
know them. Both were very gracious about our home and the dinner.
Ok–slight rant. I have now spent 3 evenings and a long phone call with the mother.
She has not once asked me a single question about myself, our life, our son and his family.
She listens when I talk and then moves on. It is really odd.
Every contact has included her commenting on her size. Tonight is was how small
her head is and how little she eats. Also, because she is so small a glass of wine puts
her to sleep. And how she had to cut her meds for flying anxiety down because she
is so small.
When I asked about her recent retirement she went on about how much they miss her
but she is busy so just fine. Not one question about anything to do with our lives.
H who notices nothing has noticed this.
She seems to have good relationships with her sons and H although I know
FSIL makes a point to not tell her things because she has so much anxiety.
I have not said a word to D and never will–even if she asks me.
This FMIL has many good points and will be an OK MIL overall.
But such odd behavior. It is like she is a little girl (she is very small in stature)
and used to being the center of attention by being cute.
D is not a small woman and the new SIL is quite a large gal.
Guessing this is good for D’s FMIL as there is no competition for her regarding
“smallness”.
Oh well, I know the kids think I am a lot more fun and she can’t cook and I can…
I have my 3.25 inch shoes for the wedding and cannot wait to lord it over her–LOL.
OMG @oregon101, do our kids have the same in-laws? In my case, MIL is so needy that she tells everyone that everything she has done is fabulous and don’t you know that just everyone feels that way. Problem is, as I’ve noted, details aren’t her thing…only the vision. Every picture she has posted so far is of her and her D, as if my S was a mere accessory to the event. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that I think my S knows, and when they need something entrusted to someone, he and DIL come to us, not her. And ditto to the “I’m more fun and can cook/bake!”
Can’t wait to hear about the wedding…hope those impacted by he fires are safe and your D’d wedding will be what she wants it to be.
My daughter’s future MIL has been estranged from her son for a long time and my D has been trying to heal things during the engagement period, which seems to be going well. I don’t think she will be much of a factor in their lives. We’ve never actually met, although we were once in the same place years ago. She is six feet tall, thin, beautiful. I am . . not. I feel a little insecure about her, but hopefully her genes will give me equally gorgeous grandchildren. I’m thinking of a non-traditional dress. Thoughts?
I love that dress, @zoosermom ! I don’t know anything about the style/degree of formality of your daughter’s wedding, but if it fits in with what your daughter is expecting I would definitely go for it. It’s beautiful!
I hope the differences in appearance between you and the MOG aren’t something that really bothers you or makes you very insecure. I think most people are too hard on themselves. Really at this stage in life, the inner beauty of a person is what comes out and is what people notice.
@zoosermom, that looks like a great dress for dancing. I think it would be fun to wear. But it also looks as though you can’t wear a conventional bra under it, which might be an issue for some women.
Also, you have nothing to feel insecure about. You get along with your offspring and she doesn’t. That’s much more important than physical appearance.
Definitely an issue for me, but I love the dress so much that I would have something sewn in. The wedding is being “curated” in every detail by my daughter and the flowers are blue, so I thought this dress would really suit. She loves it too. I think it’s very me, but not very traditional.
Thank you so much!
From what I understand, the MOG is a lovely woman who made a terrible mistake about ten years ago, for which she has been punished ever after. There is a great deal of anger toward her, but as her son has gotten older, he has realized that life is more complicated than might seem apparent as a 13-year old. I encouraged him to forgive her (we are very close) because it was hurting him and, frankly, she has been punished enough. Life is too short. There definitely seems to be some fence-mending going on and I’m hopeful for the wedding. I think most parents could be judged harshly for various things at various times in our lives.
Zoosermom, go to a lingerie boutique and ask to fit you into a strapless bra. It might cost you a pretty penny, but there are strapless bras that work!
It is indeed a lovely dress and a GOOD strapless bra or a built-in bra could make it perfect. I am thrilled that folks are trying to help your fSIL mend fences with his mom. Healing really is therapeutic for all. All of us make mistakes and it is good if fences can be mended to foster better, healthier relationships for the future.
