We’re also a small local family. When D2 married, initially, she came up with 8, including us and a few college friends, versus 150 on the other side. (They’re one of those large, rambling families, mostly living near each other. Though we’re close to DH’s family, they’re a 10 hour drive and stopped the “invite everyone” wedding tradition.)
They reduced their plans, for various reasons, it was a much smaller event, only the parents and closest local/college friends.
Go and try to enjoy yourself. I’d encourage my D to see this as a family event, too, despite most of the family (or other guests) being from the “other side.”
We do this for “family,” going forward. Granted, in our case, it was my daughter, not a son. But a MOG still plays an important part.
I’m so close to my bff. But same issue at one godson’s June wedding, in the Midwest (All of us had to fly in or drive 2 days.) Another mom told me yesterday of a similar issue. There is no one right way. Best wishes.
@musicmom1215 , I think it would be such a lovely gesture for you to make the effort to attend the shower. I would appreciate any sign from my D’s future in-laws that they would like to interact with us or show any interest in learning about D and her family.
I waited about a week after the engagement announcement, thinking D’s future in-laws would contact us, then asked FSiL for his mom’s phone # and email. I extended several invitations to meet for a meal, either in D’s town (20 mins. from them) or theirs, before the mom accepted for a weekend brunch and said the dad was away. We live a couple of hours from them, but tried twice more to arrange a get together convenient to them without success. We have yet to meet the dad, so I guess will meet him at the rehearsal.
We have a few out of state relatives coming the day before and would like to have some time to spend with them, but the rehearsal dinner is only for the wedding party, parents and FSiL’s grandparents. I’m going to put together some tourist info for the day before/day of, then make plans to meet up after. There’s a good chance that some will come to our house for a few days after the wedding, so I need to get the guest rooms ready and pantry/refrigerator stocked.
A contractor was supposed to have completed a project last spring, but postponed work until fall. My hope is that he will finish the job the week before the wedding so we can clean up and then come home to a house that’s ready for company. Dh just informed me, apologetically, that he’s going out of town that week. If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect he scheduled the trip to avoid the insanity here. My alcohol consumption used to average one drink per month. I will probably consume a year’s worth in that last week.
Yes, that was the reason; the groom is close to all four grandparents, and my small family has no problem traveling (and I know I’m lucky that’s the case).
Thank you all for the encouragement. My dad was an only child and my mom was 13 years younger (oops) than her nearest sibling, so all of their families have passed. My cousins are older than I and one lives in another state and the other in another country. We have not been on the invite list for their kids’ weddings, etc, and that’s ok. They have never even met my son. My brothers are not married (one never and one has not had a relationship with his kids) so no one to invite there! Even my friends from childhood have not invited each other to weddings and such. I never realized how small we had become since I was a kid until now. How did we get to this?
I was also the only one on our side of the family to attend DIL’s shower 1000 miles away. I am so glad I went! DIL’s family made me feel very welcome and I was able get to interact with her family and friends much more than if I had also been trying to visit with my own family.
@musicmom1215, if you can get there, go to the shower. My S got married three weeks ago, and I attended a show thrown by friends of MOB. For me it was not a long drive, but I was able to meet MOB’s friends in person and it made the wedding even ore enjoyable to know the players important to the B and her mom.
@doschicos , yes D met her future FIL briefly years ago when she and FSiL were casual friends in a group. She has since spent Thanksgiving with their extended family. From what I’ve heard he seems nice enough but spends more time with his dog than with the family when he’s home. Her future MIL was over the moon about getting a daughter, but D suspects she may be a bit disappointed that D is not a girly-girl.
Hey guys, I have not visited this thread since both my daughters’ weddings a year ago. But I thought of this thread when I just saw this cute video about the 6 Kinds of Brides. Enjoy:
When S1 and DIL were married, on;y her parents and sister attended. THey had hoped some of the other relatives (in England could make it), but it was not to be. FMIL and FFIL arrived in our town four days before the wedding and while they chose to stay at a hotel (good move; our house was crazy), they spent most of the week with us and met many of our friends and family. We all got along splendidly and even though the marriage didn’t last (sniff), DIL’s mom and I are still friends.
What about gifts for the shower? I had planned on giving them money or a gift card to one of the stores where they are registered so they can buy what they need later, but should I take something to the shower, too? I am going to make a cookbook of some of my recipes (book is called “With Love from my Kitchen” https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/with-love-from-my-kitchen-victorian-nancy-radcliffe-edwards/1000568200?ean=9780961328726) but I don’t know if I should wrap it up and take it to the shower.
BTW, my mom did one of these cookbooks for me years ago and I love it. She left blank pages where I have written down some of my new favorite recipes so everything is all in one book. I know with the internet now, something like this is pretty old-fashioned, but someday my son may want some of my old recipes (especially the holiday ones) and I love that my book is in my mom’s handwriting. I gave one to my noncooking D when she moved into her apartment and she had lunch with me several weeks ago and asked if the casserole recipe was in “that book.” Maybe someday she will decide to cook.
Love the cookbook idea, @musicmom1215! I would take it to the shower as it will become a conversation piece and help in connecting with the new acquaintances. I say that as an introvert who doesn’t make good conversation without some kind of common topic.
Ack, autocorrect!! sorry
At my shower, a million years ago, everyone brought something they made and brought th recipe, which the host made into a book. It was fun.
I never thought I’d be joining you all, at least not so soon. But it looks like D will be getting married in June! I’ve never organized a wedding before and it is daunting.
Question: I’d love it if people informally indicated after the Save the Date cards went out if they were likely to attend or not. Most of the guests on both sides will be coming here from across the country, from the Midwest and the East Coast. The guest list will be small (about 75) but the attrition rate off that list is likely to be large due to the travel involved, maybe 50 or fewer will attend. A venue is reserved but if the wedding party is likely to be really small, a restaurant would make more sense than hiring a caterer.
In our experience…we have never indicated whether we were coming…or not…when receiving a Save the Date.
However…if you are blocking off hotel rooms…one of the things folks should do is reserve. Maybe that’s one way you will know.
Some of our relatives have told us they will be coming…and a few friends…but none of those were surprises. We also have a high percentage of out of town guests…we really have no idea about the number who will attend.
When I’ve received a Save the Date, I’ve emailed or texted or mentioned in a phone call, that we were looking forward to it. Not a commitment to attend, but an informal indication that we were likely to attend.
It would be nice to know. Venues and caterers book long in advance. Some require a minimum of 50 or 75. But if we were to be a party of only say, 20, I’d be inclined to book a private room at an event restaurant.
I hear you. Our venue minimum is 90. Originally, we thought our guest list was 125, and hoped 90 would be the mark we would hit. The guest list is now 150…Save the Dates were mailed today.
I’m thinking we may hit 120 who attend, but really no way of knowing for sure. Like you, many guests are out of town.
Is there a venue with some flexibility in terms of guests…some places have a minimum…but can go higher. So maybe pick a place with a reasonable minumum that can accommodate more if needed.
