@TatinG Congrats to you and yours!
I think any gleaning you can do re: headcount will have to be informal. After sending out Save The Dates, I’m sure you’ll hear from some. You could reach out to others casually, whether for just catching up or holiday greetings, for example, and just ask if they think they might be able to make it or not. At least with relatives, I think that is okay to do.
Remember that the minimum doesn’t mean that you absolutely must have that number of people. It means that you absolutely must pay for that number of people. The venue is not going to kick you out if the minimum is 50 and you have 45. They’re just going to make you pay for 50.
At the venue my daughter used, there was no minimum in terms of number of people. But there was a food and beverage minimum, in terms of money. We went under that amount. They simply charged that amount anyway. That’s what the contract called for. So we wasted a few hundred dollars. At that point, we were too burned out for anyone to care much.
@TatinG - welcome to the club. it wasn’t usual but we received an invitation to a wedding last December. The wedding was in mid August. It had an RSVP date of end of January. The invitation was lacking NV specifics aside from date and location with a note that details would follow. While it was unusual I wonder if they wanted to get an idea as to how many people would actually attend. The location was pretty remote with the closest airport major airport being a 5 hour drive.
I’m currently working on imputing the addresses of the guests we want to invite. The bride to be requested it be complete by mid November. I’m still not sure if we will be able to invite everyone on our list. They are aiming at Save the Date going out in late November for a wedding next September. The venue is located near a college town and I found out that it will be move in for the university that weekend. I’m hoping we are far enough away to. Ot be impacted but guests will need to make reservations early.
I found a dress today so I am breathing a little easier. While shopping, my D and I ran into the Bride-to-be, her mother, aunt, and sister. We had a nice visit in the shoe store.
Glad you found a dress!! I hope I get there too!!
@oregon101 Is this the weekend of your daughter’s big dance party? If so, let us know how in went.
It was last weekend. Wow, SIL is so organized!!!
Everyone danced and loved the Taco truck.
Very well planned evening.
I enjoyed seeing D’s college friends! again.
The music was loud!!! H and I sat outside which let us have conversations with the guests
coming and going.
In all:
Portland Sept. 9th.
Meet and Greet in their hotel room with terrace pizza/salad. Then drinks in a back room of the hotel bar.
Wedding vows in local park–no permit–.
Best male H’s friend married them. Hikers walked through.
D’s gown was gorgeous.
Happy hour planned beautifully with two toasts.
Wedding dinner with two toasts
One drink at a bar a block away
Brunch in their hotel room Sunday.
21guests
One week later:
Friday night drop by their yard in Boston for drinks. Great to meet the East coast friends
and coworkers.
Saturday night 90 friends and 10 relatives at their dance warehouse taco party.
D wore her gown.
Photo booth.
Round tables both high and low with white clothes and candles.
Lights strung overhead.
A grouping of couches and huge rug like a living room in one area.
Helped decide the set up the day before. SIL’s parents helped the day of with lights and such.
SIL saw himself as the event planner and he loved d doing it.
He is an architect and is use to controlling the scene and the expenses.
In the end everything was super intimate and organized.
They are $400 under budget, too
I wore my wonderful shoes both weekends.
My part was minimal compared to most of your much larger weddings.
I made the bouquet and boutonnières and did the restaurant tables.
Had inlaws for dinner. H took them sightseeing.
D and SIL spent nights and then S and DIL spent nights and then D and SIL were
back…
Many sheets but fun.
Thanks for asking!!!
I’m so enjoying this thread. Oregon, sounds wonderful
I wish there was a way to post the dresses.
Eeekkkk! @VeryHappy our weddings are now in 2 weeks. It’s getting real!
S and fdil were here this past weekend doing last minute prep for the wedding. They are both engineers so control freaks lol! And want to do everything themselves. I persuaded them that I was fine helping with a few last minute items. They dropped off items that need to be brought to the wedding.
Fdil is a little bummed. Many of her friends are not coming to the wedding including her grandparents who declined. I think they are healthy and came to her hometown over the summer but didn’t want to come. I feel bad for her. It’s equally hard because pretty much all of the friends and relatives S invited are coming and his family and friends are far flung. More so than fdil’s.
I’m now in the not sleeping camp. I have nothing to worry about but am still worrying lol!
@deb922 – I’m not losing sleep. Yet. I’m getting excited!
DH and I went to the wedding of a friend’s daughter last night. It was horrible. HORRIBLE!!! The good thing about it was that we were with a group of 9, so we had each other to talk to and complain to and help each other out, but I felt very sad for people there who didn’t know a lot of people, and especially for the elderly people there.
It was an awkward venue, it started an hour late – an hour!! – because they couldn’t get the music to work for the walk down the aisle. The ceremony was held on the roof deck, and people stood up there in the sun (it was a very hot day) for 45 minutes waiting for the ceremony to begin.
The reception was on three small floors, so we kept having to go up and down the stairs. Thank goodness there was a bar on two of the floors. Food on one level, music on another (but no one – NO ONE – danced), and the rooftop deck with no seating – none, zero. No one knew where to go. We kept thinking, maybe they’re serving hors d’oevres on another level. So one of us would go up or down the stairs to see and then phone to one of the others and tell people what was going on. Thank goodness for cell phones.
When dinner was served, it was buffet style, which is generally fine, but the buffet line started literally right at the top of the stairs, so the stairs were backed up and people at the bottom didn’t know why. Once people got their food, they had to stay on that level – they couldn’t go back downstairs because there were people trying to get up the stairs. And the few seats that were on the same level as the food were of course quickly taken.
Dinner consisted of (a) turkey, (b) roast beef, © fried chicken fingers, (d) sliders, and (e) broccoli rabe. [At the risk of sounding really demanding, no potatoes? No bread? It was oddly heavy on the protein and extraordinarily light on the veggies and other sides.) There were no tables at which to sit – just a few conversation areas, with stools and ottomans to sit on, and very very deep couches with small round cocktail tables in front of them. With very few seats, and food that all needed cutting, it was extraordinarily uncomfortable.
First rule of wedding receptions: Make sure your guests are comfortable.
Wow, just wow. I am surprised someone at the venue or the caterer didn’t advise the couple on all of those things. Whether it is a buffet or sit down, you should always have enough seats for people to sit. The only time it is not necessary if you are just providing finger food that doesn’t require cutting.
Most caterers would just include bread as part of the meal. Was it necessary to have both turkey and chicken? I would have offered a vegetarian dish instead. Of course, if they have participated in this thread they would have known what to do. 
Sounds like some things were missing…was this a very casual venue and wedding? Especially with a buffet…one would think a rice dish or potato dish would be on the line…I mean…what else would there be for any vegans (wink wink).
Any guests over 65? Those stairs and the lack of seating sound impossible for anyone with a disability, advanced in years, or even just a bad back or bum knee. What an odd venue.
No elevator?
Elevator only to the lowest of the three levels, which was the 20th floor of the hotel.
Yes, there were guests over 65. Myself, for one. DH, for another. The bride’s parents, for a third and fourth. There was also a woman who, for a time, was sitting all by herself in a corner, and I felt bad for her so I went over to introduce myself. She said she wasn’t alone, but that she has leukemia, so her friends/family were getting a drink for her. Lord knows how she made it up to the roof for the ceremony. And there was one “elderly” woman – probably 80-ish – who they brought a chair up for during the ceremony, but I never saw her again. Maybe she had a room in the hotel and went there afterwards. (I wish I could have!)
It was not particularly casual. The bride wore a long white dress (not pouffy, but long and white nonetheless). The invitation specifically called for cocktail attire. The MOB wore a BHLDN dress – short, all gold lace. (Very pretty.) The MOG wore a very nonfancy dress – like this, sort of, only cranberry:
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-flutter-sleeve-surplice-dress/id_308970?sku_0=::BLA
I was underwhelmed.
A couple of the women wore floor-length fancy gowns.
Tromping up and down several flights of stairs in floor-length gowns sounds challenging as well!
Especially while holding a drink in one hand, a plateful of food in the other, and the clutch purse under one arm.
One of the most important things for D and FSIL was choosing a venue that was easily accessible for the older folks (grandparents, aunts and uncles in their 90s) and my very obese brother. They refused to even look at places where it would be difficult for them to get around. After reading about the wedding @VeryHappy attended, I am so glad they considered that. There are also sitting areas just outside the reception area, which will allow those who want to escape the reception noise to lounge comfortably.
@oregon101 , it sounds like everything was just perfect. Such great memories! I treasure my own wedding memories from more than 34 years ago, and I look forward to some new memories to add to the old brain-bank with D’s upcoming wedding.
@TatinG , I am hoping we will hear from folks who won’t be able to make it, based on the save-the-dates. I don’t expect it, but I iimagine some will indicate if they can’t attend. When my niece sent her save-the-date for her wedding, I realized it was the day D graduated from college. I called immediately to let her know we would not be able to attend.