My nephew and wife did online RSVP. None of the cousins invited were listed as guests for the RSVP. For examplle our daughter and son were invited. We could RSVP for DH and me (had to be done as two separate RSVP) but our kids weren’t listed…and neither were the cousins.
I sent a quick email to my nephew…and it was corrected very quickly…but it was a bit of a snafu.
Apparently they also did something in terms of Save the Date and invitations. The list didn’t merge properly…and some folks got Svw the Date but not invitations.
Anyway…DD will make that call. Everyone is tech OK.
Oh…the same nephew sent the Save the Date via Paperless Post…and that went right into my spam folder. Good thing I check it!
One of these days I’ll read all 279 pages and learn what to do and not to do. These stories are very enlightening.
I do plan on having the hors d’hoerves passed and the bar open while the wedding party is having photos taken. One can’t just have the guests standing around with no food or drink.
Our kiddo has decided to do many if the wedding party pictures…and some family ones…before the ceremony. She and her fiancé do not want to miss the cocktail hour…well…not all of it. There will be some pics taken after the ceremony…but not a lot. Some will be taken as a “pull out” during the reception.
Wedding is at 5…and they want as many pics outdoors as possible…before dusk.
My daughter and her husband did RSVP online only and nothing went wrong. But there were no guests who were extremely elderly or who would not have Internet access.
I’m about ready to jump ship. Once again, something has come up that I suggested D take care of months ago and she said it wasn’t necessary/didn’t need to be done “yet”/someone else was doing it. Now it’s my job to somehow pull off a miracle because she’s swamped at work. I’ve emailed everyone involved and have to wait on their replies, plus some 2-day deliveries, before I can do much more. If this was about anything other than the wedding, I’d let her deal with the natural consequences.
As for RSVPs, it’s somewhat comforting to know we’re not the only ones chasing down responses. I provided stamped SASEs with the response cards, but we still had to contact way too many people after the deadline.
I wonder how many surprises we may get on the day. First, we had people accept for more than the number invited because they added various family members and their +1s. They simply wrote in the extra people on their response card. After the deadline, we had people rescind their acceptance because the date conflicted with a school event. A few older women are upset because FSiL told them they can’t bring their garden club/Red Hat club/Bingo friends (as in, 3+ extras per person.) I’ve heard they’re threatening to stay home and pout. (That’s okay with me!)
The nice thing about online response is it can be set up to accommodate NO extras that are not on the invitation. If there is NO Plus one…there is no way to add another person. If there is a plus one…you can only add ONE. No wrote ins.
I’ve thought about what I would do if extra folks just showed up on the wedding day…but honestly, I can’t think of one person who would do that. I do think we will get some questions about children…none are invited. A couple of relatives have small kids. Sorry,…this is an evening event…and it’s not a kid’s event. I suspect those folks won’t come at all…rather than leave their kids with others.
We only have one more detail to finalize…and we are close…and that is the florist. My DD finally figured out what she wants…bouquets for herself and bridesmaids, boutinaires for the guys, and garlands for the tables…which will go around candles. It’s going to be simple but nice.
We are also getting two outdoor planters done for the ceremony. One will come home with us, and the other to the FMIL.
In general, which vendors need to be booked first? Which book up fastest? My sense is venue, then caterer, then photograoher, DJ, baker, etc. Thoughts?
Our only Plus One was the 2 year old child of the groom’s cousin. This was also one of the RSVPs we had to hunt down after the reply date. Cousin, wife & child were coming from 3 hours away - they didn’t have anyone to leave their child with for that long. The other obvious babysitter, the cousin’s parents, were going to be at the wedding. I wasn’t thrilled when I heard this. I had visions of an active or very vocal child disrupting the service or reception. Everything turned out just fine. The parents hovered near the back of the church in case they had to take the child out. They also kept a close eye on him during the reception. They were very kind and considerate guests.
Well…we needed a date…so the venue was first…with the date of the event.
Our venue includes the food.
We almost immediately booked the photographer, and the band…because we wanted who we wanted…and the good folks get booked up quickly.
Book your block of hotel rooms.
We also reserved a room for a welcome event the night before the wedding.
These were done 1 1/2 years before the wedding.
We are getting a small bride and groom cake, but we don’t need to order that until much closer to the wedding date.
Same with flowers…we have someone in mind…but they need to know 2 months before.
Bride’s dress…start looking now. If she needs to order, some places take longer than 6 months to receive that ordered dress. Never mind that it might take some time to find THE dress.
Will you need to provide transportation from the hotel to the wedding venue…or the ceremony to the reception? Figure that out sooner than later.
One thought about venue…we booked ours 1 1/2 years before the wedding date… it we also were looking at Sunday nights. Some of the Saturday and Friday nights were already booked for the year and month we wanted.
In my experience with both S’s wedding and D’s wedding, the first thing to book was photographer for both couples. As D says, pictures last forever! S & DIL booked photographer 9-10 months in advance and did not get first choice. D was engaged in February with a June date the following year and her first choice photographers were booked in April 14 months ahead of the wedding. Venue would probably be next because sometimes they will dictate who the caterer will be.
If anyone should show up with uninvited guest at D1’s wedding, there would be no seat for him/her. D1’s friends know how she rolls and my friends and family also know how I operate. The only wild card would be the groom’s side, but I’ve heard they are also fairly organized.
The way we figured out who/what to book first was which one we couldn’t do with out and how many clients they could serve on the same day. We knew the venue we wanted could only host one wedding a day, so it was booked first. The florist could do multiple weddings on any given day, so it could wait. D1 liked a particular photographer so she was booked quite early.
S and DIL were engaged in November and didn’t want a long engagement, so the venue was first on their list. It took about 4 weeks to find the place they wanted that had an early fall date available. It helped that they were willing to consider a Sunday and, as it turned out, they were married on Sunday of Labor Day weekend.
Once the venue was booked (and it had its own caterer), they pretty much sat back until the spring, except for the wedding dress. That she bought in one visit from a place where they sell runway samples and consigned gowns. Since there was no ordering involved, she took it home that day.
And, although it would have been easier on me to do this sooner, in the end I arranged for the transportation about 3 weeks before the wedding and it all worked out fine. If you will need hotel rooms, how far in advance you need to book will depend on the availability of hotel rooms in your area and whether or wedding weekend will be high season, a holiday, or the same weekend as something special going on nearby. How soon you will need to book other vendors will probably be determined by whether there are, as @thumper1 and @oldfort said, particular ones you, your S or D particularly want.
Unless you are planning a religious ceremony in a house of worship, in which case the religious facility’s and officiant’s availability come first, I think you generally start with a tentative guest list and then start researching venues. The size of the guest list and the budget will dictate the choice of venue. Venues designed for weddings with 200 people are ill-suited for weddings with 50 people and vice versa. You will need to have a date in mind when you visit venues (or a selection of dates).
At this point, which is probably a year or more before the wedding, the bride and groom also need to think about what they want in a venue. Are they willing to cope with dealing with a caterer separately, or do they want a venue that does its own catering? Do they want the ceremony and reception to take place in the same facility or in two different places? If either the ceremony or reception will take place outdoors, do they care about whether a rain alternative is available?
Once you’ve got a venue (or venues, if the ceremony and reception will take place in different locations) and caterer booked, the photographer probably comes next because they book early. I wouldn’t suggest starting with the photographer though. We discovered that my daughter’s venue had strict requirements for vendors’ liability insurance. If she had booked a photographer before settling on a venue, she could have ended up giving (and losing) a deposit to someone who would not have been allowed to take pictures at the venue because he didn’t have the right insurance.
If I remember correctly, the remaining vendors were booked in roughly this order: officiant (from a commercial service), DJ, florist, day-of-wedding coordinator, hair-and-makeup, and baker. They didn’t book transportation because their entire wedding took place in one location (a boutique hotel) and there were lots of other hotels and AirBNB houses nearby. Except for local guests,who were quite capable of figuring it out for themselves, nobody had to go anywhere beyond walking distance (not even the bride, who didn’t have to worry about keeping her dress clean and unwrinkled during transport because transport consisted of a ride in an elevator).
The bride’s dress needs to be dealt with early. My daughter ordered hers 11 months before the wedding (although she probably could have waited 2 or 3 more months). I can’t advise on the timing of ordering bridesmaids’ dresses because she didn’t have any bridesmaids, but I do know that the wedding party, if you have one, is a major part of the planning for many months. (Another thing to think about: If the bride’s dress is going to have to travel across the country, it will arrive wrinkled, especially if it has been crammed into a carry-on, which is what a lot of bridal shops currently recommend because it’s safer than a garment bag. So you will want to make an appointment with a bridal shop near the venue to press or steam the dress a few days before the wedding.)
Brides may also need a veil or other accessories, which need to be ordered well in advance.
Other things to think about: (1) ordering and sending save-the-dates, (2) setting up a wedding website and registry, (3) ordering and sending invitations, (4) liability insurance, (5) the groom’s clothing (and that of male attendants, if there are any), (5) getting a marriage license (not always a simple thing if the wedding will not take place where the bride and groom live), (6) buying wedding rings, and (7) arranging auxiliary events, if there are any.
And eventually, you will probably need (1) a seating chart poster, (2) table numbers for the reception, (3) place cards for the reception, and (4) reserved seat signs for the ceremony. Some people would also add a lot of decorative stuff (much of it do-it-yourself) and favors to the list. You also have to figure out what to do with gifts that rude people bring to the wedding instead of shipping them.
Are you overwhelmed yet? You should be. Even if the wedding is fairly simple (my daughter and son-in-law had their ceremony and reception in a single venue, with fewer than 50 guests, no bridal party, and only two auxiliary events – one of which was a bachelor party arranged by others), it’s going to consume the attention of multiple people for more than a year.
The college application process may have been easier.
Due to number of guests we are inviting there are not that many venues for the ceremony or reception. The ceremony location could only be booked online one year out and not before. We had to take a chance it was going to be available when we booked the venue. D1 stayed up until 12:01am to book the hall, but found out it was not available when she tried to book it. Needless to say she was completely freaked out. It turned out, the lady who was in charge of booking purposely took it offline so no one could book it because she knew D1 wanted it. She called D1 next day to be on standby when she released it for booking. We would have been totally up you know what if we couldn’t get that location.
What Marian said… is fairly close to my thoughts. However, my D & SIL knew they wanted to get married at their alma mater…and would take whatever date they could get (had a list of 15 dates/times). That was their priority. They immediately booked the reception venue on campus (17 months in advance)…and that dictated the size of the guest list. The venue has in house catering so didn’t have to worry about that. I’ll admit I was nervous about hotel catering, but they were fantastic. Then got blocks of rooms at two hotels…as virtually all were traveling to wedding, 50 rooms at each were put in block. Host hotel rooms scooped up when STD cards went out. Thankfully, venue provided suite for MOB, MOG and the couple. If you need to book hotel rooms, I would add this to the list of priority to do’s…get yours before STD’s go out.
Venue also had preferred list of vendors that had done many weddings on campus/knew the ropes of what would (and wouldn’t!) be allowed. Which helped narrow down their options…a bonus for me since I was 2000 miles away! The photographer was booked 16 months out, I believe. The preferred florist was not available–and D was so bummed–but! Called her back later after someone had cancelled…happy day! DJ booked about 14 months out, I believe.
Cake was 6 months out…
D’s dress was ordered 12 months in advance, mainly because I happened to be in same City with her and we found it (did have an initial shopping trip at 15 months, and found nothing.) Allow time for this…and also for alterations. As we were all out of town, we did make a trip for a trial hair and make up session. Stylists were then booked about 6 months out.
Early on, D & SIL worked on their calendars. This part can be so tricky if they are in the time of life when all of their friends are also marrying. Trying to schedule food, hair trials, meetings with florist, dj, etc., can get a little hairy when having to work around other weddings (5 for them this year), bachelor/bachelorette parties, showers, busy season/work schedules, other family events like graduations, birthday celebrations. At 17 months out, it seemed like there was Plenty of Time…ummm…no. It goes very quickly…and there is a lot to consider/decide, etc.
I have only 8 months. The wedding is 2 weeks after graduation. D will be here just a few days before the wedding because she wants to attend another wedding. Other than the dress, I will be doing everything. D will show up to a wedding I’ve planned.
It’s especially hairy if the bride and groom live far from the venue – 2000 miles away, in the case of my daughter and son-in-law. (They got married in the area where both families come from, not the area where they currently live.)
The bride and groom visited venues in person, more than a year before the wedding, but everything else was done by email and phone. They never returned to the area where the wedding was held until three days before the wedding (when they obtained their marriage license). They booked a photographer, DJ, officiant, florist, day-of-wedding coordinator, hair-and-makeup artist, and baker without ever meeting any of them in person. Oddly, this did not seem to matter. All of the vendors showed up on time and did their jobs properly. The day-of-wedding coordinator, in particular, was outstanding. It may have helped that most of the vendors they chose were on the venue’s recommended list.
The bride and groom also were unable to schedule food or cake tastings or a hair-and-makeup trial, and I feel that the inability to do these things did make a difference. They might have made different and better choices if they had been able to take advantage of these opportunities.
One thing we did do that was very helpful is that I went with my daughter to her final dress fitting (yes, this involved me flying to a city 2000 miles away). At that fitting, the alterations people showed me how to get her into and out of the dress, and they also showed me – in detail – how to fasten the bustle on her dress. I had opportunities to practice both things, and they were not easy. I think it is essential that someone besides the bride – whether it’s the MOB or another female family member, a member of the bridal party, or even the groom if there’s no other choice – be present at the final wedding dress fitting to learn how the dress “works” so that this person will be prepared to help the bride on her wedding day. Wedding dresses can be trickier than they look. (For example, the top on my daughter’s strapless dress was held up primarily by a velcro band on the inside that had to be fastened in a very specific way.)
^yes to knowing how the dress works especially for the bustle.
I was the only one who knew how to do it–mostly.
The owner of the shop made a video with D in her own dress on how to bustle the dress!
I did practice there also.
When I could not find the right ribbon I called on my super DIL puzzle solver and she
figured it out—this right after the vows with guests present.
D traveled 3000 miles 6 days before her wedding. She had 3 fittings in one day and even then
I picked up her dress at the end of the day. (yeh, she was going to put in the back of an SUV and
go out to a sketchy neighborhood for the evening–uh just NO),
It was super impressive and scary when the owner just swooped down and cut D’s train shorter
by 5 inches. Just did a cut all around with her scissors.
What I learned is that with a wedding dress and a bustle so much is going on that while I might
have said that something was off 1/10th of an inch…it is really really just the big picture
that matters as there is so much going on with the dress.
We had 8 months. The date was set before he proposed since he had already checked the calendar at the venue; it’s run by his parents. We went down about 3 weeks later when they had a vendor open house and the photographer, caterer and dj were all selected. She also picked out her dress that weekend, though tried on a few more before ordering.