Obviously S still believes that mom can pull off anything-- just like that!
Sweet in a way…
I like your perspective, @oregon101.
VeryHappy - so glad you are taking the high road on this! I loved, loved, loved the dress that you had posted for the rehearsal dinner. You will look way nicerer in that than everyone in their flannel Friday shirts! (Although I do love the idea of Flannel Friday, but maybe not for the rehearsal…). I’m surprised he sprung the cookout on you without talking with you first, but that is a manageable number of people and I’m betting that it will end up being a lot of fun. Keep smiling…
I can’t believe I typed the word “nicerer”. Wish the edit feature gave a little more time… Anyway, you will be stunning in that dress and your killer heels!
Thanks, @C3Baker. I like “nicerer.” I will look nicerer than everyone else!!
Sending S and FDIL an email this morning:
If someone thinks I should rephrase it so as not to cause sparks, let me know.
How about “you are welcome to use our house for your cookout on Thursday” instead of your first sentence.
I like thumper’s approach.
I might be inclined to get a bit snarky-
‘Dad and I have made other plans, but you are welcome to use our house for your cookout on Thursday’ with no mention of the food purchase and set up.
But do check with ‘Dad’, My DH mad a rehearsal dinner venue promise that I didn’t know about.
VH, I want to see those shoes!
You’re so close to the finish line. Take the high road. If you do send it out, I like Thumper’s less “sparky” wording. 
@Thumper1: Too snarky. I have never wanted my kids to feel like they couldn’t be here whenever they wanted or needed.
@zoosermom: I can’t find the exact link (they are Nine West shoes) but here is something very similar:
They are gorgeous!!! Love them. You will be the MOST fabulous.
Love the shoes, but would just go with the flow on the cookout. If it were me, and I could manage having this group at my home on Thursday night, I would. I would suggest a simple menu, ask if they would be around to set-up, cook etc. and just move forward. @VeryHappy, I think @oregon101 is spot on…I suspect you have been a mom who says, “can do” and that is who you are to him. My S is the same way, and when he presented me with last minute requests to organize dessert and transportation for his recent wedding, I did, as always. Not why I have ever done these things, but the many hugs and expressions of appreciation from S and DIL showed me know how much it meant to them. Well worth it to me,
Oh I agree about kids being welcome…but are they expecting YOU to host a cookout the night before the rehearsal dinner? That’s a little different.
But you definitely are taking the high road. Your wording will allow them to say “it would really help,us a lot of you could get food and beverages, and paper goods…and just do this.” If you are OK with that…then it’s OK.
My kids are always welcome at this house…but they are NEVER welcome to plan a party here without first asking. I know…take the high road.
@runnersmom, you are correct. I’m annoyed that they’re assuming I can/will do this, but the truth is, I’m flattered they want to have their friends here, I’m flattered they think I can/will handle it, and I’m delighted that we’ll have lots of people around. I love my house and I love having people in my house. As long as I can escape to my bedroom when I want to!)
@VeryHappy, we seem to think alike! I may grumble when asked to do things like this, but if it means I can have my kids and their friends around, I’ll do it every time! Do what you can, ask them for help and just enjoy the kick-off to what will be, I’m, sure, a fabulous wedding weekend. It’s been almost a month now for us, and I still smile when I think of something that happened that weekend.
@VeryHappy then you are good to go!
Are they arriving early enough in the week to help…just a little bit…with this cookout?
It’s great you can do this…and don’t mind doing so.
Ha ha. They arrive Wednesday night, right before the dinner for seven I was asked to pull together. (Her parents & brother.) [“We’d love to have your chicken curry!”] That’s all ready to go, in the freezer. Just need to set the table. Oh, and make a salad. Oh, and defrost the curry itself. Oh, and bake the curry for ~ two hours.
Thursday AM, they have to go get their marriage license. They should be relatively free after that. Thursday afternoon, I’m getting my wedding haircut.
It’s all going to be wonderful…and a weekend full of family…and fun.
Get someone to drop everything off. Doesn’t need to be fancy or too much $$. Could be a Chipotle burrito/salad bar. If you have Dinosaur BBQ anywhere around you, they do great food. Or another BBQ joint in your neck of the woods. Trays of food, plates, etc. Makes it easy on the front end and on the clean up end, too.
@VeryHappy, I think Stew Leonard’s could be your savior. I virtually never buy pre-formed burgers, but Stew’s actually has excellent ones, if you actually want to grill. And their take-out section is enormous and varied. As are the cheeses, baked goods, and so forth. One-stop shopping for a cookout/picnic type meal, soup to nuts, so to speak.
Personally, I would be wholly incapable of stepping back from a meal served at my house unless I wasn’t there.