Oldfort- wow. I’m glad they honored the quote.
Went wedding dress shopping last weekend with future DIL. Her Mom, sister and friend joined us along with a friend of mine who used to be a stylist. We had appointments at two shop. The first stop was the bridal boutique within Nordstrom. The stylist was good but she made the mistake of pulling several dresses Way out of the brides price range. One dress everyone loved and I could tell by looking that it had to be very expensive. I asked the stylist what was the price of that dress. $5700 which was nowhere near the budget. The bride loved another dress which was also over budget but not by as much. We left and went to the next appointment which was at a bridal boutique that has been around for years. My friend knows the owner. The dresses at this store were more reasonable priced. The bride tried on a lot of dresses. They tried to find something less expensive but similar to the dress she loved at Nordstrom. The owner of the shop was appalled that the stylist at Nordstrom would disregard the budget saying it isn’t far to the bride and makes it hard to love something less expensive. She found one dress that was very different from the first dress but she would like to make changes. The shop is going to price it out for her. The craziest thing was when she got home she had a message from the stylist at Nordstrom that the dress she loved is back ordered till 2020. Really? You shouldn’t even have that dress on the floor.
I think she will keep looking. The lucky thing is she looked great in everything she tried. I was a very well behaved mother of the groom and just said she looked beautiful.
It was my 3rd time meeting her Mom and I think we got along well.
I asked the bride what she would like to see me and her Mom wear. I was kind of shocked that she was so specific. She gave us a color palette and requested long. The palette is plum tones. Her Mom was pretty quick to say “it’s nice you gave just some suggestions where to start” basically saying we will see.
Both her Mom and I said it’s hard enough finding a dress you like, looks good on you and is in a price you’re comfortable with. Adding in a specific color wave makes it near impossible.
Does anyone have a schedule for wedding planning?
11 months to the big day.
Happy couple have a date and selected a venue and church. I have emailed a couple of hotels re block bookings for guests.
Looking for guidance on what we should be doing next?
@Sally22 - I think there are guides that give a timeline. At least that is what my S and his fiancé keep telling me when I ask if they have booked things. We are 11 months out as well. I think 3rd weekend in September. Are you Mom of bride or groom?
Photographer.
Music – be it band, DJ, whatever.
Caterer.
Florist or other decorations.
Absolutely…photographer first. Good ones sometimes book almost two years in advance.
Music…same. If you know what you want…book it now!
Does the venue include the food?? If not…yes, you should get that all settled too.
Block rooms as soon as you can. Check to see if there are other “events” that weekend…like graduations or holiday. Or whatever. That could drive how quickly you need to block rooms.
If you plan to reserve a bridal suite for the couple…do that now too!
We are six months out, and just did the florist hunt. They don’t need a commitment from us yet…but we will probably do it soon…to lock it in.
DD just did the contract for hair and makeup for the attendants…and MOB/MOG if we want to come too. This is another thing that books up quickly…especially if you want them to come to your venue…on a Saturday!
When we booked the hotel rooms (which we did 15 months before the wedding…it’s a holiday weekend), we also reserved the nice room for the welcome party the night before…and for brunch the day after.
I’m certainly not an expert…but I do like to get as much done ASAP…don’t like to wait.
Interesting enough, D1 had the most difficulty in booking hairstylist(s) and makeup people. She has 8+ people to do hair and makeup for, so she needs minimum 2 hair and 2 makeup if she wants to have everyone done in 4 hours.
We have five doing hair, and seven doing makeup…and they are coming to our venue…as soon as we get there. DD searched for the right folks…and they want a deposit…now…so she is sending it this week for a May 27wedding.
Like @oldfort DD found that some of her choices were either booked already or could not provide the number of stylists we need…2 hair and 2 makeup. We think!
And our wedding is on a Sunday…when the salons are closed!
@oldfort, we also had trouble with hair and makeup because the only person getting it done was the bride. It was difficult to find a hair and makeup artist who would take such a small job.
@Sally22 Hope this helps. My apologies to the poster whose wise post I copied portions of and sent to a friend. Can’t remember the poster’s name, but here is gist of what she wrote:
"Once you’ve got a venue (or venues, if the ceremony and reception will take place in different locations) and caterer booked, the photographer probably comes next because they book early. I wouldn’t suggest starting with the photographer though. We discovered that my daughter’s venue had strict requirements for vendors’ liability insurance. If she had booked a photographer before settling on a venue, she could have ended up giving (and losing) a deposit to someone who would not have been allowed to take pictures at the venue because he didn’t have the right insurance.
If I remember correctly, the remaining vendors were booked in roughly this order: officiant (from a commercial service), DJ, florist, day-of-wedding coordinator, hair-and-makeup, and baker. They didn’t book transportation because their entire wedding took place in one location (a boutique hotel) and there were lots of other hotels and AirBNB houses nearby. Except for local guests,who were quite capable of figuring it out for themselves, nobody had to go anywhere beyond walking distance (not even the bride, who didn’t have to worry about keeping her dress clean and unwrinkled during transport because transport consisted of a ride in an elevator).
The bride’s dress needs to be dealt with early. My daughter ordered hers 11 months before the wedding (although she probably could have waited 2 or 3 more months). I can’t advise on the timing of ordering bridesmaids’ dresses because she didn’t have any bridesmaids, but I do know that the wedding party, if you have one, is a major part of the planning for many months. (Another thing to think about: If the bride’s dress is going to have to travel across the country, it will arrive wrinkled, especially if it has been crammed into a carry-on, which is what a lot of bridal shops currently recommend because it’s safer than a garment bag. So you will want to make an appointment with a bridal shop near the venue to press or steam the dress a few days before the wedding.)
Brides may also need a veil or other accessories, which need to be ordered well in advance.
Other things to think about: (1) ordering and sending save-the-dates, (2) setting up a wedding website and registry, (3) ordering and sending invitations, (4) liability insurance, (5) the groom’s clothing (and that of male attendants, if there are any), (5) getting a marriage license (not always a simple thing if the wedding will not take place where the bride and groom live), (6) buying wedding rings, and (7) arranging auxiliary events, if there are any.
And eventually, you will probably need (1) a seating chart poster, (2) table numbers for the reception, (3) place cards for the reception, and (4) reserved seat signs for the ceremony. Some people would also add a lot of decorative stuff (much of it do-it-yourself) and favors to the list. You also have to figure out what to do with gifts that rude people bring to the wedding instead of shipping them.
Are you overwhelmed yet? You should be. Even if the wedding is fairly simple (my daughter and son-in-law had their ceremony and reception in a single venue, with fewer than 50 guests, no bridal party, and only two auxiliary events – one of which was a bachelor party arranged by others), it’s going to consume the attention of multiple people for more than a year."
“You also have to figure out what to do with gifts that rude people bring to the wedding instead of shipping them.”
I don’t think anyone bringing a gift could be considered rude.
Oh god, you all convinced me to make booking a photographer an immediate priority.
Can I also get some advice on how to approach the financial situation? If anyone remembers from dozens of pages ago, my fiance’s family says they can’t really afford to pay for anything (and somehow the guest count is still 350, mostly theirs, but whatever, that’s another story). However, my mom is putting her foot down at paying 100% for the photography. She feels that most of the photos will be of their side of the family, and his parents will get to enjoy the photos forever, so it’s not fair that they get this without contributing anything.
Is there a magical way to handle this that I’m not seeing? I don’t disagree with my mom, but I feel like I’m in such a tight spot. I can’t demand that they cough up some money when they say they don’t have it. My fiance tried talking to them about chipping in for the band and they kind of brushed him off and said they don’t have anything to contribute. I don’t know. I feel like the photographer is a different situation from the band because it’s a tangible, long-lasting thing that we’ll all make use of after the wedding.
Is there anything I can be doing to make this fair? My fiance feels awful about my parents paying for so much and badly wants to chip in his own savings, but my parents really don’t want to take his (our) money. To be clear, I’m extremely grateful my parents are contributing so generously and I know that his side doesn’t owe us a penny and we shouldn’t have any expectations or demands whatsoever. I just feel like there’s some growing resentment that I would like to ameliorate.
It might seem rude, but your mother could tell ask if they are interested in group pictures of their family and tell them the cost of those shots, prints, or however you pay for the photos. If they aren’t interested in paying, there may not be any pictures of their family groups.
With such a big wedding the photograph is going to ask you what pictures you want - ceremony, cutting the cake, bride with parents, etc. If you can only afford 100 photos, you’ll have to eliminate his family and friends.
@rebeccar - I think you have already lost the battle in getting your future in laws to pay. You should have put your foot down on number of guests instead of nickel and diming on band and photographer now. If they should refuse, are you (and your parents) really going to go without a photographer. Photographer is going to cost you 3-6K. If you are already paying close to 100K, what’s another 3-6K? You can’t make someone pay for something they don’t want to pay, but you could control how much you want to pay by number of guests you want to invite and at what venue.
For D1’s wedding, 50% of guests are from groom’s side (20% from my family and 30% their friends). I don’t mind paying for their guests as long as the groom’s side is willing to do something (not equal). D1 was the one who had the conversation with her future mother-in-law about their contribution. They offered to pay for the welcome party and the rehearsal brunch. If they’ve said they weren’t willing to contribute then I would have cut their guest list, but I wouldn’t cut the music, photographer, flowers etc.
@rebeccar - @oldfort is right. What you and your family do have control over is what groups shots the photographer takes. Also if the package includes photo prints or an album those go to you and your family. If his parents want an album or prints they can order them directly from the photographer. Your Mom should be very clear with the photographer and the day of planner that the photographer should not be manipulated by the grooms parents. It really seems to be that his parents are manipulating you and your parents into paying for this wedding.
I agree that the boat has sailed unless you and your side are willing to draw a firm line on this and do without.
Honestly, I think your family has been manipulated by your fiance’s family. If your parents feel strongly about it, I think your parents need to suggest that both sides, both sets of parents, sit down and your parents out right tell the other side what they will and will not pay for. The only problem with that is it is likely any money would come out of your fiance’s savings, which seems to be something you don’t want to happen.
Have your parents agreed to pay for a wedding of 350 from their side plus whatever number for your side? Is that a done deal?
@rebeccar - you should be very clear with the photographer what pictures you want him/her to take, otherwise you could end up with tons of pictures of random people you don’t know. My sister paid for her son’s wedding photographer. She didn’t meet with the photographer beforehand and the photographer was into “artistic photos.” My sister didn’t have one picture of her and her husband.
Before you hire anyone, try them out for engagement/shower shots.
I’m the one who originally said that it was rude, and I stand by my opinion.
My daughter and her husband got married in the Washington, DC area. They live in Colorado. Several people brought gifts to the wedding, but most of those gifts were checks or gift cards in envelopes. These were not a problem because they’re small, and they can easily fit into a suitcase even if the suitcase is full of other things. The gifts that were a problem were two large, awkwardly shaped physical objects. How, exactly, were the bride and groom supposed to get these objects to Colorado? Did the gift-givers think that there would be room for the gifts in their luggage? (There wasn’t.) Did they think that the bride and groom could ship the gifts home before they left town? (They couldn’t. It was a holiday weekend.) Did they think about the needs of the bride and groom at all?
Courtesy involves thinking about the needs of other people. The people who gave those gifts didn’t do that. Thus, I consider them discourteous.
I did not think about out-of-town weddings. The last wedding I took a gift to was a reception merely blocks from the groom’s parents’ home.