@AllThisIsNewToMe - we are having a post wedding brunch at my house and there’s no way I’m wearing a dress. I will wear a dress for the wedding, lol. Not sure what I’ll wear for the brunch, but probably linen capris since they are comfy in warm weather and I wear them all the time.
How fancy is the place where this bridesmaid luncheon will be? If i were going someplace fancy schmancy were a dress was the expectation…I would either wear a dress or find something dressy in the pants department. If the place is less casual…wear something very nice…but don’t stress about it.
Hi! First time chiming in on this thread. Oldest DD is getting married this coming October. Things are starting to get real.
We are about to send out Save the Dates. Needless to say I come from a family that is NOT great about RSVP’s and they make up a large portion of our guest list. Would it be out of line to include something in the Save the Date mailers that says basically if you know you definitely will not be able to attend and want to be excluded from the invitation list please do not feel bad about letting us know now? It seems to me that some people would like the option and I would certainly like to save potential issues with guests not RSVP’ing at all when invitations go out (thereby leaving us with a mystery guest count to give to the venue). I just cannot figure out how to word it tactfully. Has anyone done this?
@millermomm, If you are sending these folks a ‘save the date’, it indicates that you’d like them to attend.
I cannot figure out how you can word your sentiment without seeming like you want to save money on the number of invitations you will order.
I do think that email, text or f/u phone call reminders closer to the reply date could work to family.
D1 would like to limit number of invitations to send out because they are expensive, but I don’t think there is a way around it unless they already went online to RSVP.
@mominva and @oldfort I am the one wanting to limit the number of invitations to save money as well! I was thinking that if people were able to decline before the invitations went out it could absolve them from feeling like a gift was necessary. I could be wrong of course.
The formal invitation itself is still the hospitable thing, I’m afraid, when it’s close enough family and friends. Then, in ultra traditional etiquette, the decision not to send a gift because they won’t attend, is theirs. And fine.
@millermomm - I found that quite a folks have gotten in touch with us to say they received the save the date, liked the photo, etc., often including their intent to attend. This can be a time when those who know they can’t make it volunteer that info. So without awkward wording, you may get some helpful responses.
We have an extended family who travels a lot and many live far away, so I sent them all an email once we had the date nailed down. One couple immediately let us know they had a complex trip planned for the date. All hosting a wedding juggle ambiguity, but it can shake out incrementally, without any specific requests in writing. Invites will go to all who received save the dates.
I don’t think there is a polite way to indicate that on the save the dates. I would just try to glean from word of mouth if it turns out someone has a schedule conflict, next time you’re on the phone with them or something. If not, wait until the actual invitations go out. If you end up having a “mystery guest count” then that’s the time to start tracking people down and insisting on an answer.
I also would still feel obligated to give a gift if I couldn’t attend the wedding.
Perhaps a naive question: does everyone send save the dates now? When did that start?
I’ve received “save the dates,” especially if it involved travel for me or my kids. I’ve also attended events with no “save the dates;” it really varies. With far-flung folks and weddings, it can be helpful for planning and booking lodging if you know when and where the event will be so vacations can be scheduled, etc. If it’s hometown and everyone is nearby, it’s not quite as important to send out (via electronic or snail mail).
D found a good shoe for the big day, but we can return it for store credit if she finds something better.
http://hollyandbrooks.com/gentle-souls-shiloh-pewter-sandal/
The color isn’t quite as blue as it looks in the photo. We bought it at Good Feet, which only stocks relatively comfy shoes, and they have this one classified as an 8-hour shoe. We got her inserts there too and her feet, which have a delicate history, were very happy!
Comfort on one’s wedding day is very important!
Rumor has it that my S and fiancé are getting their engagement photos back this week. They will finally hopefully send the save the date email. The wedding is late September and I think they should have already been sent. I think they will get some “no” due to hotel prices being very high that time of the year.
My D has been scouring wedding venues and talking with wedding planners. I think she is going to be a very organized bride.
@greenwitch - very nice looking shoes
You don’t settle for a mystery guest count. The bride, groom, or parent (whoever knows the person who didn’t RSVP the best) calls, texts, or e-mails that person a couple of days after the RSVPs are due to ask whether they’re coming. You can almost always get a definite answer that way.
There can still be last-minute changes (like the cousin who shall remain nameless who didn’t show up at my daughter’s wedding because she was angry at her parents and refused to be in the same room with them on that particular day), but there shouldn’t be many of them.
@mom60 you are fine on the Save the Date timing…in my opinion. Ours were sent in September for a May wedding…about 9 months…but we sent them on the early side because our wedding is on a holiday weekend.
@thumper1 I’m concerned since their wedding takes place in a college town on move in weekend. Hotels will fill up once acceptances come out in mid March.
We had a similar concern because of the holiday. We sent emails to every out of town guest before the Save the Date cards were sent…basically said…
“You will be receiving a Save the Date for Thumper Daughter wedding within the next couple of weeks. The wedding is in May 27, which is the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, and we hope you will be able to join us.
We have a block of rooms at Blah Blah Hotel. Because it’s a holiday weekend, the hotel,suggests booking your rooms as soon as possible.
Here is the hotel website www.blahblahhotel.com”
The Save the Date cards went on the mail about two weeks later.
D1 is also getting married in a college town. We purposely chose the weekend between the graduation weekend and the alumni weekend. The campus would be beautiful with plenty of hotel rooms available. The town is small and the university is huge, so whenever there is an event rooms are booked a year ahead.
@mom60 - you should try to see if you block rooms now, if not, I would be concerned.
@oldfort, I’ve never asked why your D1 and her fiance chose to get married in her college town. It’s a beautiful area, and I love it too, but I don’t think my daughter – who was in the same graduating class as your D1 – would ever have considered it even though her husband graduated from the same university (three years earlier).
What was the special appeal of the place?