Am thinking of renting out my mother to tgose who think they are behind on their save the date cards. She has notified everyone, even those who aren’t likely to be invited! 
@Marian - My extended family situation is very odd (whose isn’t I guess). My mother is a bit of a narcissist who has been married (in large, white weddings) three times and has had a number of relationships throughout my life. I spent the first 12 years of my life very close to my extended family until my mother decided it would be good to cut close ties. Then when she had burned all her bridges (leading to an estrangement with me due to her personal choices) she decided she needed them again and ingratiated herself by telling them how ungrateful I was as a daughter. Long story but it had to do with her newest BF and the safety of my children (my daughters were 9 and 5 at the time). Due to her lies the relationships with my grandparents, uncles, and some aunts were changed forever. Things are still very strained with everyone but there are some who do want to be at this wedding. The ones who will probably be a pain about RSVP’ing are the ones that are a pain to talk to in general lol. The only one that lives far away is a cousin in Georgia and she has reached out already. I think for my own self preservation I am just hoping some would take me up on the offer to decline in advance. It has been a quandary to even think about inviting my brother as his life is a mess and he would likely show up to the adult reception with a few of his children. Or he would say he is coming and not show at all (like he did to my mother’s last wedding where he was an usher - I sat in the back of the church).
Welcome to my big, fat, dysfunctional family wedding! lol.
@Marian - 1) D1 truly loved her experience at her college, 2) groom’s grandfather was a professor at the uni, so a lot of their families are from the area. Most of guests are from groom side’s family and they have limited means of traveling. The other choice would have been NYC. It would have been a lot more expensive for many groom’s family to travel to NYC and pay for room and board. On the other hand, my family and friends would go any where for a good party. 
I think there is a way to get family members or out-of-towners to commit/decline in advance. You could reach out through the ‘save the date’ to see if they need hotel reservations or other information, and sort of get a head count. It’s not going to help with your brother who will show or not based on the wind that day, but you could get a good headcount on the others. Or you can decide not to invite them.
I think you still need to send the invitation even if they’ve said they will be in Nepal on that day (if you’ve sent a save the date). My cousins both did this and I don’t remember if I got an invitation or not. Cousin one got married in May and my daughter had just come home from the hospital and my sister had just had a baby. They knew this in Jan (that we would both have babies by May). Neither of us went. When the other cousin got married, it was an adult only wedding and I remember my uncle calling to ask if I wasn’t going because my two kids weren’t invited (I think they were 3 and 4). Nope, I wasn’t going because it was too expensive. I don’t remember if I received an invitation because they knew I wasn’t going.
We reached out via email prior to mailing the Save the Date cards. Then we reached out with the Save the Date cards…and again shortly after.
I get a print out of all of the reservations in the block each month. I know some folks reserved outside of the block…and got either the same rate or a lower one. I don’t have them on my list.
Remarkably…the vast majority of the out of town guests have not reserved…yet. My siblings have…and all but one of DH’s have. MIL has. Favorite aunt has. Some of my favorite out of town friends have. Others? Who knows?
Our invites will be mailed about March 10. With a note inside about the room block and reservations. Maybe everyone is using Airbnb…I don’t know.
At this point, I can’t fret about it!
When Save the Dates are sent so very early, many may not know their availability. To me, it’s just a heads up of the date and that an invitation will come.
Sure, some have issues like the college move-in crowds. But guests can’t always confirm that far out.
Millermomm, if they aren’t close relatives with whom you have happy, successful relationships, why feel obliged to invite them? Imo, a wedding isn’t so much for “them.” Earlier in this thread, there was discussion about the people we really don’t want there. You do have the option of saying it’s a smaller wedding or mostly their friends, etc.
@lookingforward the list is definitely a work in progress. For the most part my daughter wants a lot of them there and to save the headache for now I just have everyone. My mother is one of 6 children and I have lots of cousins that I was very close to growing up. It’s hard to pick and choose. DH is one of 5 but we see them all regularly (including nieces and nephews - all adults). I have drawn the line at DH’s cousins except one who is our neighbor. Is it too late to bribe the happy couple to elope lol?
It’s never too late!
Met with the coordinator at a potential venue today, and she said that an open bar can be less expensive than a hosted bar, in which we would only pay for the actual drinks served. The open bar is a flat per person fee.
Surely there is some way to figure which is cheapest up front? In my head, I’m calculating three alcoholic drinks per person for a brunch buffet (this would account for those who only have soft drinks or tea as well as for those who drink more). Does this seem reasonable or is it really better to just have the open bar?
^^^
what’s the price per person for the open bar?
Haven’t got that info yet–the coordinator is sending it to my daughter today. I just want ideas on how to look at this based on other people’s experience. Do most people do open or hosted bars? Does the time of day matter? (It seems that for an evening wedding, a cash bar would be cheaper because people drink more in the evening.) I’d love some real life stories.
I am hosting a shower for D1 in NYC at a restaurant midday. I did a simple calculation and decided an open bar would be easier. A glass of wine in the city could easily be 12-15.
We did the calculations at our venue. The amount credited per person of we did a consumption bar was $20 per person.
We elected the open bar.
We are doing an open bar also. Even though a lot of the guests are non-drinkers, the charge per person is the same.
We are hosting a brunch at our home for the couple in a bout a month. We are having a bartender who will make mimosas, bellinis and bloody marys. I will supply the champagne/sparkling wine and also some bottles of red/white. should people want a glass. Is this too much? We will also have coffee and water. Not sure about tea (hot or cold). Its an open house for a few hours. Expect maybe 75 people.
@jym626, you know your guests and I don’t, but are you sure that there won’t be people there who drink neither alcohol nor coffee?
I don’t drink alcohol, and for the past few years, on doctor’s orders, I’ve had to give up coffee. I would be a little miffed to find out that water was my only beverage choice. I would drink it and not make a fuss, of course, but I would feel a little bit unwelcome.
Jym, add a few teabags and a pot of hot water for folks that don’t drink coffee or booze. OJ and sparkling water makes great virgin mimosas.
We will have a “hot beverage” area, and can get a bottle of sparkling water, though figured people who didn’t want a mimosa would just have oj. We will have water too. Space may be an issue
It will be in our home, so there is always a way to get a glass of water.
Oops- have to order a new water filter for the fridge. Thanks for the reminder
@Marian, if you can’t drink alcohol, coffee, or OJ, and feel miffed by water, what WOULD you live to have available?