As far as I know, no hard and fast rules about who HAS to fly to attend a shower, especially if great distances are involved and it would be a separate trip from attending the wedding. I would discuss with your D—is it ok with HER if you aren’t able to make it to shower. If she’s fine with it, no one else should have any issues with it. Send a nice gift to the bride and maybe some flowers to the hostess and be done.
@intparent if you can go to the shower…then go. If it’s going to be a headache for any reason, then don’t go.
We wish we could,have a shower for DD, but logistically and time wise, it’s impossible to do. But if someone got it together somehow…I think I would move heaven and earth to get there. But that’s just me.
My take is both sides of the family have their own shower. It is an opportunity for the groom’s side to introduce the bride to the family. I went to the groom’s side of shower for D1 because it was 4 hrs driving distance. I was a guest, so I did not contribute. D2 is throwing a shower for her sister as the maid of honor (I am paying). Sometimes the bridal party would pay for the shower, but we didn’t want them to spend additional money because they are going on a bachelorette party with D1.
I personally don’t think you should feel bad if you couldn’t attend the shower.
Any reason she picked grooms sister instead of her own sister to be MOH? Just wondering…
Will you and D2 be throwing a shower on your coast? For DS#1 there were showers for his fiancee on both coasts. DIL and her family were here for our engagement party and the shower, thrown by our friends, was the next day, so her mom and sister attended. I flew out to her shower, but we combined it with a ski trip while we were out there. If you can go, go. But I wouldnt feel obligated. They will understand.
As everyone reading here knows, we are having the engagement party for DS#2 this weekend, and again friends are having a shower for DS#2’s fiancee the next day. Her mom and sisters will be here and will attend the shower. Not sure if there is another shower planned, since her sisters and mom all live in different places, and different from fiancee. One of her sister’s is also engaged and getting married a few months after DS’s. Maybe they will do a double shower? Dont know, was just musing.
And update—- 3 people who were “maybe”’s (and I counted as a no) are now coming to the brunch. Yikes! So I caved and texted my friend and told her it was so over the top #s wise she might as well stop by on the way to the airport, as her BF will make… 100. The weather is not supposed to be very good, so maybe some will just not come…
I have to recount the disposable plates, cups and silverware to see if I have enough.
@jym626 I think in the end, you will be glad you added #100. You’ve done a great job planning and the party sounds lovely. Try to relax and enjoy it…between airport runs. Snuggle that baby!
D2 is a bridesmaid, and happy to not have the MoH responsibilities. She has never been in a wedding before, and feels like the responsibilities (bachelorette party planning, etc) would be daunting. She is also in grad school halfway across the country, and the groom’s sister is right in town with the couple. So D2 completely approves of this arrangement. I did chat a bit with D1 about whether she should pick a HS friend (she has a couple in the area who will also be bridesmaids), but she is very comfortable with her choice. They are pretty close – D1 has been folded into her fiancé’s big family for many years, at all their family events, vacations, etc. So everyone is comfortable with the arrangement.
I am on the West Coast, D2 is in the Midwest, and D1 is on the East Coast. But D1 has never lived here – we lived in a different Midwest location her whole life until I moved away a couple years ago. So she doesn’t really have anyone to invite to a shower here. I think this shower the MoH (and groom’s mom – guessing she is paying, and honestly can well afford it) are throwing will be the only one. His parents also offered to throw an engagement party, but D and fiancé politely turned it down. I think both the couple and his family are doing their best not to “trample” our family in this whole process. Her fiancé has 40+ relatives right in the area where they live and will be married, and D is really one of the crowd after so many years. They are totally thrilled to have her join them, too.
Both D and the groom’s mom have made a point to consult me on a lot of decisions. For instance, groom’s parents wanted to add to the guest list (people they work with), and were happy to pay for additional guests (venue has plenty of space). D and fiancé were going to just tell them no because it would make the guest list so lopsided and they thought that wasn’t fair to our family. But when she brought it up with me, I was fine with it and encouraged them to do it. I don’t mind a big party! And of course they have a lot of local friends they’d like to invite. I like his parents, so I’m sure I’ll like their friends, too. 
I am going to try to make the trip for the shower if I can, now that I’ve had a little time to think about it.
@intparent You won’t regret going.
I flew in for my D’s shower thrown by MOG’s sisters. It was so nice to meet many of them (SIL has huge family) prior to the wedding…helped me to point out some of the relatives to my H at the wedding. And it was sweet to see
how his family already loved my D…
And it was special to be there with and for my D…
@jym626, I suspect you won’t even notice the extra guests! Fingers are crossed on the weather…but I can tell you that it rained buckets on our rehearsal dinner and precluded us from using the outdoor space that would have made the 85 in attendance a lot more comfortable. It didn’t matter - everyone had a wonderful time and no one seemed to notice the (very) tight quarters. Enjoy the baby and the weekend!
Thanks, @runnersmom and @my-3-sons. Am getting excited. Can’t wait for everyone to arrive!
@intparent - you will be glad if you attend the shower. As others have said, even though. your dau has been part of their family for a long time, its nice to spend time with them and celebrate her special day with them.
@jym626 you have a great attitude. 100 is like having a wedding reception.
I ran into an old friend at the hair salon this week. Her D is getting married in a couple of months. They had the wedding all planned and due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control they had to find a new venue. The original venue was a beautiful hotel so catering, rentals etc was all included. It also was the spot my friend and her H get married at so the venue has significance to the family. The new venue is an open slate and in addition to finding the venue they now needed a caterer, rentals etc. They are disappointed but at least happy they found something available for the same date.
Thanks, @mom60. So… in the running commentary of the saga-- MOB (mo of fiancee) was flying non rev and didnt get a seat on the plane. So, she is now looking at a flight with a stopover in Dallas. Don’t know what flights she is planning or when she will get in…
And, a couple just emailed that they apologized that they forgot to RSVP but they are coming. Shoot me now.
@jym626 , sending good wishes for a wonderful weekend. It sounds like it may get a little chaotic with the numbers and weather, but I hope it produces lots of wonderful moments & memories:)
@mom60 - sorry for your friend. Having found the new venue, a wedding coordinator could make all the difference. They have a lot to pull together. We contracted with one for the last 4 months of our 14 months of planning and it is much value added.
@jym626 - all the best with your busy weekend and brunch. Happy grand baby time, too.
@mom60 what happened to the original venue they were going to use? Sad-- it had such sentimental value.
Similar thing just happened to someone here in my town but for a bar mitzvah- the invitations had already been sent, and the event isnt too far off, and the venue lost its lease and is closing! She was desperately asking for help to find another venue and then had to get the word out!
@jym626 @travelnut - she said they have a planner and the planner has been great and well worth the cost. New venue added them in even though they were already sold out for the number of events they like to do. The first venue was a beautiful hotel that was heavily impacted by the Montecito Ca mudflow in January. It will not be reopened in time for the wedding. But as my friend said in the scheme of all that happened they are lucky. It’s just a wedding that can be moved. They are all alive and have their home.
@jym626 crazy that the MOF tried to,fly non rev to a significant event on a holiday weekend. Hope you can take a few minutes for yourself.
“crazy that the MOF tried to,fly non rev”
It saves a lot of $$ and perhaps that was the way she could afford to make the trip.
@doschicos it might but it’s a huge risk when it’s something you don’t want to miss. It will cost a whole lot more if she has to buy a last minute ticket. Also this brunch was planned in advance and she could have most likely got a decent fare.
Thats a true shame about the Montecito floods and the damage they caused. Glad they are working though it successfully.
While the rerouting to fly non rev is taking her on a circuitous route, it gave us time to set up a 10’ tent and rent a patio heater (its glorious and beautiful and warm today, but tomorrow’s forecast is changing by the minute- rain chances during the event have ranged from 40-90% and temps in the 50s during the event). There are gusts of wind so we took the tent top down… but the good news… the winds must be providing a good tail wind as DS#1, wife and grandbaby are arriving 20 min early!
If she gets on the first flight connecting out of Dallas, she’ll get in around 4:30. If not the next arrives at 5:30. If she is on that one, we will just stay down in that area as we are then meeting up with DS#1 and family for dinner at 6:45 and DH will do the 9 pm airport run. She had to do a lot of covering for others and shift changing to get this time off to be here, so whatever she needed to do to make it doable and affordable is fine with me.
@jym626 , just catching up with this thread and wanted to say that I’m in awe of all that you’re handling and with such aplomb. Kudos to you. Hope all goes well.
Fiancée a mother didn’t get on the first 2 planes, so is on the one arriving in an hour. But, she had to check her bag, which is coming in on the earlier flight. We are sitting here waiting to see if we can grab her bag (I forgot to ask what it looks like, but it will be on the carousel after everyone leaves). At our airport, AA had its own baggage claim for most flights, but the next flight, that she is on, comes on upstairs, not down here. Why did she have to check her bag? Because she is brining pizzas from Chicago!
Thank you, silpat. At least the weather today is great flying weather.