The idea of a B list just brought back a memory of not even making a B list: My MOH and I both had a mutual friend in our weddings. When the friend got married, she told us she was having a small wedding - not super small, since it was 60 or 80 (can’t recall anymore) - so she would not be able to invite us. She invited another friend who had been in my/MOH’s weddings, who told us that she learned we weren’t invited because we had spouses & the bride didn’t want to have to include our spouses in her limited count. She thought that would be rude to invite us and not our spouses. Guess what? We thought what she chose to do was even more rude. C’est la vie, though … life is too short to really care about that stuff.
THe invitations to my son’s Bar Mitzvah went out before he started MS, his first time in a public school. A few weeks later he asked if he could invite a few boys from his gifted group (which I only mention cuz they had all their classes together). Son gave them invitations and 3:4 came. They became part of his core group of friends all thru HS. And still stay in touch. Best decision ever.
I was sitting next to a nice couple at a Bar Mitzvah at one of son’s friends. The mom asked me to come their son’s event in a few weeks. I went gladly, and that was the start of a friendship.
We invited 190 and are hoping for 175, otherwise the 15 would be in the hallway. The plan is put the younger set in the hallway if necessary because they would be closer to the bar. So far we have 110 for yeses and less than 5 for nos. There were few that we thought would be nos, but now they are yeses. We don’t have a B list.
We looked all over in trying to find a venue that could accommodate 200, but was not able to and D1 also couldn’t cut anyone off the list.
Old fort, I wonder if those who respond later than others aren’t sure about being able to attend. If so, you could receive a higher percentage of ‘nos’ in the next few weeks.
We are sort of in the same boat as @oldfort except that our venue size is fine. We invited 153. So far, we have 3 no responses…and all the other responses are yes. There are a couple of others we think might be no.
It’s all fine…we invited the people we wanted to have attend. No B list.
The only time I’ve been at a wedding with a secondary invite guest…the day before the wedding, two guests got very ill and could not come. The brides family had already paid for the sit down dinner. They called a close work friend and invited her and her husband…who were thrilled to come. They were at our table…and we all knew the story.
But it wasn’t like they sent out a second batch of invitations when the first batch said no.
Our D was on the “B” list as she and her friends were invited to attend a reception and staff the reception table the day before the wedding. The bride’s sister invited them when they all ate a meal together for their holiday get together. All the girls scrambled to find gifts and outfits but were happy to attend as they knew the bride and bride’s sister and the family. It was a highlight of D’s holiday vacation and at the Governor’s residence.
@bookworm - that’s what I am thinking also. All I am going to say is all of my family and friends have all responded with Yes. No chasing is needed on my part.
Maybe this was covered elsewhere in this thread, but what expectations/experiences have you had with feeding vendors st the wedding? My D is assuming the photographer, officiant & officiant spouse, and dj will be part of her dinner count. But there are vendors setting up lights, delivering flowers, etc who have to pick up things at the end of the evening. She is assuming not for that second group — but what are your thoughts?
At our venue, the vendors who will be AT the reception are given the dinner, but our venue only charges us half price for them. So in our case…5 band members, and 2 photographers will be given dinner…but at 1/2 the cost of the guests. So…ask your reception vendor!!
We have someone who is setting up flowers and the tables, and someone delivering the cake. They won’t even be there for the meal part…so we are not feeding them. I mean…they aren’t going to even be there for the meal…so what would you feed them??
Our officiant is invited to the reception (with his wife) but he has already declined. He says…his job is done once the ceremony ends.
I’m back on the thread! S1 got married in 2016, and now D1, who got engaged a year ago, has set a date in August 2019. She and her fiancée chose a venue today. And the fun begins!!!
At my daughter’s wedding, we paid for vendor meals for the day-of-wedding coordinator, the DJ, and the photographer and his assistant. At least one of these vendors had the requirement for a meal in the contract, but I don’t remember which one. The other vendors, including the officiant, were not going to be there long enough to need a meal.
The price for vendor meals is lower than the price for a regular guest meal at some venues. I think it’s a good idea to ask the venue about vendor meals instead of just adding these people to the guest list. Talking with the venue about vendor meals is especially important if you’re paying for alcohol on a per person basis. Vendors aren’t entitled to alcoholic beverages, and the cost of the vendor meal should reflect that.
My DS and his fiancee are making me a nervous wreck. We got them a party planner to help keep them on track. But they seem to be behind schedule. They said they also have a long “to do” list from the facility , but the wedding is 3 1/2 mos away and they haven’t even ordered invitations!
Congratulations @dentmom4! As for vendor meals, just make sure someone at the venue tells them where the meals can be found. My S and DIL found out after the fact that although the venue provided the meal, no one told the photographer and her assistant where the meal could be found. Apparently the venue had put the food up in the bridal “suite” and it was there, cold, when I went to pick up our other stuff after the wedding.
Our vendors will be seated at a table in the room…right near where the band is set up. I guess I should check on the serving part. Since we don’t want the band playing while folks are eating…and we don’t want pictures of guests chewing food…we figured they could just be served like everyone else.
Both our photographer and band had a meal provision in their contracts. We also need to provide them with water…no problem! They also have lodging in the contracts, bus since we are local for them, that was waived…and they will just go home!
While we’re on the subject of things you may have to pay for for your vendors, don’t forget about parking. If your venue doesn’t have free parking, you may be expected to pay for your vendors’ parking spaces.
My venue has a HUGE HUGE parking lot. Plus many out of town guests will be staying across the street…and really…there is a crosswalk…and they could walk to the event.
We are going to ask the venue to reserve a parking spot up front for the band so they don’t have to schlep their equipment too far. But even that should not be an issue as the band will be arriving hours before the guests.
I just got th first “is this a kid’s included wedding?” question from a cousin. I politely responded that we it was an adults only invitation, and we knew it would present some challenges to those with young kids.
The invite was pretty clear…Mr and Mrs…no kids on it at all.
I adore this cousin, but it’s an evening event, and they have a 5 year old and an 8 year old.
The line in the sand we drew was with this next generation down…there are a LOT of little kids of these cousins. We invited none of them. Actually at the end, we invited NO kids at all.
Youngest there will be an 18 year old first cousin.
My guess is this is an issue for this cousin and his sister…the other cousin has three kids…under age 6.
Adult only weddings are pretty common these days. Just don’t give in to anyone and they’ll figure out what they need to do.
Good news is that invites are ordered! (Well, paid for). We didn’t need to finalize the amount or anything yet, but it seems like our final guest count is going to end up…pretty good. Thank God.
The plan is put the younger set in the hallway if necessary because they would be closer to the bar. So far we have 110 for yeses and less than 5 for nos. There were few that we thought would be nos, but now they are yeses. We don’t have a B list.