We thought about online responses. They really are an excellent choice and a vendor like @oldfort describes is really ideal.
BUT…I’m handling all the RSVPs in our case. I am sure I could have figured out any online response…but we went old fashioned!
I think our response cards…someone could easily add an additional person not on the invitation. I can tell you…if anyone does that, they will be receiving a phone call from me about it. DD is in professional school and doesn’t have time for that stuff!
Most of our friends know the etiquette of looking at who the invite is mailed to! Our relatives? Hmmm.
We already got one phone call from a relative about a significant other. In this particular case, we didn’t KNOW that the significant other was THAT significant…otherwise we would have included them from the get go…so we said yes. I did add…”just remember…bringing SO to a family wedding is probably going to get at least one ‘when is yours?’ query.”
D just ordered her invitations & RSVP cards. We have one main dish (steak/salmon combo), but there is a vegetarian option. We did the “initial by meal choice” thing, but it should be relatively easy in this case … there probably won’t be too many vegetarian-takers, and we can chase names down if need be. We do have to put meal choices on the place cards.
Our RSVPs are set up so people “could” include extras, but we are all planning to speak with any of our respective friends/relatives if that happens. We are hoping it won’t, but there could be situations where it would be okay (like @thumper1’s relative.
FSIL’s mom wanted an Arabic singer during dinner. FSIL said no way to that. There will be women doing the happy howl, though … it’s called ululation, and we have to warn the others in advance.
How does this group feel about guests who get an “And Guest” invitation, and bring one of their adult kids as their guest (assuming the kid is at least acquaintanced with the bride or groom)?
My friend’s step D is getting married. The wedding is tiny—bio-parents & their partners, grandparents and siblings and partners. It will be st City Hall. Grandma won’t attend wedding because the uncle of bride, whom she lives was not invited to be among the 10-12 guests there.
It’s creating some friction, even tho the reception is a much larger event allowing grandparents and more folks to attend. How common are these smaller more exclusive weddings followed by larger receptions? The other stepD also had very small wedding and larger reception.
Our city hall is very small…and cannot accommodate more than maybe…maybe 10 people. When folks get married there it typically is bride, groom, parents of bride and groom, and whomever is standing up for the bride and groom. Sometimes siblings aren’t even there…it’s the civil ceremony only.
Then the reception/party includes others. Sometimes the reception/party is the same day, but sometimes it’s weeks…or even months away.
@himom in the situation you describe…I hope the other grandparents aren’t invited either. This is case where I think a plus one for someone to bring grandma would be essential.
That being said…none of the grandparents are invited to our rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. They will both be walked down the aisle, but really don’t need to be at the venue an additional day early.
My D is getting married in a few months. Right now the guest list is 16, and includes parents (no step parents on either side), one sibling each (neither sibling has partners), 5 grandparents (rest are deceased), and 3 aunts/uncles to take place of missing grandparents. These are not all of the aunts/uncles but are all from a particular leg of the family.
There will also be a best man and a maid of honor. I have told D that she should consider doing a +1 for the attendants
It is a religious ceremony and there will be a bigger reception at a later date.
I don’t know the details as to who will actually be attending ceremony. The bio-dad of bride was willing to take grandma, but she insists she won’t attend ceremony without FOB’s brother, whom she’s living with. Since they’re already having bigger reception that same day, stepmom was just curious about these lines being drawn and I’ll feelings being created at what should be a joyous time.
Back when many of us were married and the weddings I attend, folks are welcome to attend ceremony and then the reception, even if the two are st different (or the same) venues.
I am back on the wedding track once again with the ceremony two months away. This is our week to finalize RSVP details. Up thread someone mentioned perhaps website only would be the way to go rather than RSVP cards. D put the time and energy into her website and it was on the save the date as well as official invitations. Even my techie brother did not notice the website. Fortunately it is buffet dinner, so entree choices are not an issue. I have been emailing this week, and we are doing a bit of last minute inviting, mostly of friends as a number of family members are declining. The venue is not an easy destination and family for both is the other side of the country and world. Complicated!
Just wondering…we did not even make a B list. We invited all of the people we wanted to have at the wedding when the invites were sent out. If folks can’t come…there will just be less people.
B list is pretty common among my friends. Our venue holds 350 and it looks like we’re going to invite about 350. There are still people I would like to invite, though, like some coworkers, college friends, or children of family friends that don’t fit right now. So if some people start RSVPing no, it frees up space to invite the “b list.”
We’ve only been invited to one B list wedding as far as I can tell. A cousin’s D requested RSVPs be returned more than 2 months before the wedding. It was pretty obvious they wanted enough time to invite others if there was space.
We used a B list, as well. Our venue was limited to 200, and given my S and DIL’s list, we were allocated 50 seats. Which seems like more than enough until you realize our immediate first degree families (aunts, uncles and 1st cousins) added up to 36 people. RSVPs were due about 3.5 weeks before the wedding and about 3 weeks out my S called and asked if we wanted to invite two couples whom we had to eliminate from the original list but who knew the groom quite well and who are quite close to us. One couple had already made plans for that weekend (Labor Day), but the other was quite delighted to be invited and came to celebrate with us. The B & G were also able to offer plus ones to some of their friends who were not originally invited as such since they drew the line at engaged, living together, or very long term relationships where one of the B or G knew the person. In the end, I think there were 196 people or so at the wedding. Pretty much all of those on the B list knew that their invitations were as a result of others declining, but no one was offended in the least. They were all people we (us, MOB, B or G) wanted at the wedding from the beginning but for whom there just wasn’t room.
That was not our experience, especially since we were up front with these people from the beginning that we wanted to have them but our numbers were extremely limited. The “B List Attendees” were very happy to be included, even at the last minute. Maybe that’s the difference…we explained why we couldn’t invite everyone we wanted to from the get go, and when we were able to add a few people, they really seemed excited to join us. They could have declined at that point, but didn’t.
Well, they don’t tell people they are on the B list. And it is being realistic. A bit like college yield. If your venue (or your budget) holds 100 and you really have 150 people you’d like to include, you would want to try to have 100. If only 90 people say yes — then I don’t see anything wrong with inviting 10 more. Maybe not a week ahead of time. But a month ahead seems fine, especially if they are local to the wedding location.
It seems a little churlish to only go if, for example, you know you are considered as important as their family members. Are you trying to compare yourself to the couple’s college roommates, long time scout or piano teacher, etc? I’m always pleased to be invited at all. If they invited me, I assume they want me there, and if it arrives late-ish, I’m still pleased they thought of me.
We have a small venue, less than 60 people. The couple have significant student loans and my ex is ill and can’t come or contribute. Maybe 5 of the invites are within 1000 miles of this wedding. We knew it would be hard to get there for family members, but including them was the primary consideration. If people choose to be offended to not be invited, I am sorry but perhaps they are not that close if they are judging negatively. In my heart I’d prefer a hippie potluck wedding and invite everyone we know in the area where my kids grew up. None of us can afford the dinner for hundreds that might be a very good time and is in keeping with current practice. It is not about me, in the end.
I will have a local open house in the summer, and invite everyone we know at that time.
No B list here.Each person is carefully considered as slots open up.
If your venue (or your budget) holds 100 and you really have 150 people you’d like to include, you would want to try to have 100. If only 90 people say yes — then I don’t see anything wrong with inviting 10 more. Maybe not a week ahead of time. But a month ahead seems fine, especially if they are local to the wedding location.