Thanks, @runnersmom. That’s all I want. A brief, private moment with my son. I am hopeful that will happen at some point. As we parents have all said and agree here, it’s their day, not ours.
I do feel obligated to have a rehearsal dinner. It may not really be required, but it is customary and people are traveling a long way to come to this wedding. I don’t want others to feel unwelcome just because the groom’s parents are cheap.
Our situation is complicated because we now live in an area that is new to us. The groom has lived here for 7 years, and the bride since she graduated from college last May. This means that all of our friends and family, many of the groom’s friends, and all of his family are coming from elsewhere. I do think it would be cheap to just have them come for the wedding without hosting some kind of dinner or gathering the night before, especially for the bridal party and relatives.
@intparent, if you have a very experienced DJ, he or she can act to guide the order of events (with your direction), so will ask people to come and dance when it’s time. Just be clear up front how you want it done or if there are any dances you don’t want.
It sounds like you want to have some sort of welcome event for ALL of the guests. In my opinion…this is different than the rehearsal dinner which can be a smaller event for those in the wedding party…and immediate families.
Our FSIL parents are hosting a nice rehearsal dinner following the rehearsal…which for us is on Friday for a Sunday wedding.
WE are hosting a meet and greet on Saturday, just from 6:30-8:30. It’s not a full dinner but I think I chose substantial appetizers.
I know families where the rehearsal meal was held after the rehearsal…and after that the family hosted a dessert or whatever get together for everyone.
I mention this two years ago for how we handled my son’s rehearsal dinner issue. While not what I wanted to do, it is the way many of the young couples are going. We had a welcome party the night before the wedding, serving large amounts of cheese, desserts, coffee, wine and beer at 8:30. Every wedding guest was invited to this event. At the same location, we had seated, catered dinner for the B&G, parents, grandparents, bridal party and their SO. I hated that the aunts, and siblings uncles were not include as my husband and I are very close to his siblings as well as my mother’s sister, but we had to cut the list somewhere. As the wedding was in New Orleans, there were plenty of places for people to have dinner before stopping by, so I think it worked out. On the wedding website, the kids had links to their favorite restaurants as well as Open Table and travel sites. Again, just not how I would have liked to have the weekend go,
We have NO local relatives. We do have local friends. We are having a meet and greet for the out of town guests. I personally asked my local invite friends if they would like to come (I was never invited to a local event like meet and greet, or brunch for their kids), and they all said…no thank you. So…really, this will be for those out of town guests. And the wedding party (some are local).
We were invited to a rehearsal dinner when our nephew got married…and we graciously declined. Both of our kids were coming to the event from out of town…and they were not invited…plus one was arriving by plane during the rehearsal dinner time.
When I think about the rehearsal/evening before events I’ve been to, the more casual ones (and less expensive) have been the most fun. I think people feel more relaxed and inclined to mingle.
My future sil’s mother died 10 plus years ago. His comment? When I get married I won’t have my mother son dance. His tone was so mournful…it shook me to my very being.
My FSIL’s parents are having the bridal party & all the out of town guests to a sit down rehearsal dinner at Ruth’s Chris. They talked about having everyone invited to the wedding, but FSIL talked them out of it — so many in-town relatives that kids felt it could outshine the reception. His parents have a lot more money than I do. And his dad is a very enthusiastic and generous person (and I really like them). So they are happy to do it.
@bevhills My sister’s niece lost her father 2 years before her wedding and her grandfather 3 months before. She asked the five men who had been in her life to dance the father/daughter dance with her (can’t remember her song). She started with her dad’s best friend (he walked her down the aisle), his next best friend, her uncle, her new father-in-law, and then her husband. The DJ called all the guests over to watch—she had planned it as a surprise. It was beautiful and brought many tears.
Perhaps your new SIL could do the same with special women from his life.
There are a lot of kids of single parents these days, as well as sadly those who have lost parents or who are disenfranchised from parents. I just heard from DS that his fiancee is inviting her dad to the wedding (or select parts of the wedding… not the rehearsal dinner, etc) and I have no idea if she will dance with him. She is not having him walk her down the aisle. She plans to walk down alone. That makes me sad.
A relative of mine did not attend her own son’s wedding, but we were there. He danced with his stepmom and then did a brother/sister dance.
I believe that he will dance with his sister. Just guessing…but they are very close. I don’t remember if my dil danced a father/daughter dance. Her father wasn’t invited. But I wouldn’t permit her to walk down the aisle alone. She walked with her mother and grandmother.
A friend did this many years ago. It was her choice, as her mother was there, her sister was in the wedding. Honestly, she was beautiful walking by herself. She was walking toward her family, old and new.
She still has my award for the most beautiful dress ever, and we all got to see it coming down the aisle, all eyes focused just on the bride.
My sister divorced almost 20 years ago and remarried about 15 years ago. Her first husband was immature and unreliable. They had 3 kids together. The ex has caused some drama at every one of their weddings. My niece got married a few months ago. My sister didn’t expect him to pay for anything, but he sure ran up the guest list with his side of the family (my niece hadn’t seen any of them in years). Niece walked herself down the aisle. It was a beautiful show of confidence and strength.
Well…one of DDs bridesmaids had to decline this week. We contacted the hair and make up person…and they are very willing to delete her from the make up list…but there is a five person minimum hair charge…somgiess who is getting her hair done? Tada!
So instead of five hair and seven makeup…there will now be five hair and six makeup (one of the bridesmaids is doing her own very short hair).
I am sure FDIL will be gorgeous walking down the aisle, and I wonder if DS will walk up to get her (not sure what they will do). But it still makes me sad. Her mom, sisters and brother will be there (and now apparently possibly dad). I give her a lot of credit, but still…
Also its an outdoor venue. Not sure where she (or we, for that matter) will be entering form
My D will also be walking down the aisle alone. She’s kept her dress a secret from most people, and won’t have a “first look” with her future H. She wants that dramatic moment when they first see each other as she walks down the aisle.
I was sad at first but I think it will be wonderful. This was my shyest child, by far, and she’s really feeling the moment well.
The two sets of parents will go down first, then the bridal party, and then the bride. I will have no worries about accidentally stepping on her dress!
My girls have no father, but I bet my brothers will fight it out to walk with them. I can totally see 1 bride and 3-4 uncles happening!
I think Megan Merkle might walk by herself. I think she has a lot of family issues, so why not just do it alone?
My daughter walked down the aisle alone by choice.
She and her husband had no attendants (which greatly simplified wedding planning, and I now think it’s a wonderful idea although I was skeptical at first), so the groom walked down the aisle first, then the two sets of parents, then the bride. It worked just fine, and there was nothing sad about it.
Just saying: we’re beyond the days when a male had to “give away” a young woman.
I think, in many cases, the time-bound traditions and new “must do’s” may be causing some of the stress many here are experiencing. The important thing, to me, is the commitment the couple is making. A lot of the rest may be the small stuff.
I’d worry if a young woman, seriously distanced from her father (long term, with serious life struggles, due to his actions,) felt pressured to include him. To me, that would be sad.
Of course, we hope a wedding includes family. But it’s not a perfect world. Of course, a recent death is tough. But I’d let the couple do what they feel is best.