@zoosermom, I want to know why the puppy isn’t making an appearance at the wedding 
I can’t remember what endearing term you had for him, but it was very sweet too.
My D got engaged in February and will be married in late December. It is a very small wedding, only parents, sibs, and grandparents are invited. One friend each as attendants, so just under 20 people in attendance. My H will officiate.
They will have a big reception 6 months later in a different city halfway across the country.
Should the register for gifts or not? If so, should the registry be done now, before the wedding, or should it be done before the reception?
I have not heard of any bridal showers, not sure if or when that will happen. There are people on both sides that could host, so that is not the issue there.
I think she should register. Makes everyone’s life much easier when purchasing a gift, particularly if gifts are being sent from far away.
I don’t think it matters when she registers, but it might be nice to do it soon. People will hear she’s married and want to send a gift. Some will wait for the reception but others will just send them now. Many people check the ‘regular’ places people register - Macy’s, BB&B, Pottery barn. It makes it easier if she registers as the stores will have her address to ship.
I think they should register when they have their big reception. Otherwise…what do,younplan to do? Send an email saying they are registered to a bunch of people not invited to the wedding?
They can include their registry information in the invite to their big reception.
Other family members, friends not invited know the small wedding will be taking place. I’d want to send a gift, whether I got an invite or not. And if the big party is taking place halfway across the country, some locals may not attend, but want to send a gift. So, I’d register now…and put the registry info on invite to party later.
You will need to check the registry policies as well. You will probably need to put the “wedding date” as the date of the six month away reception. Many vendors do not keep the registries open six months past a wedding date…so just make sure you check that.
Thanks for the input on the shower question. I do think there is a decent chance that some people will want to send a gift at the wedding time and maybe an aunt or two will decide to host a shower before the wedding. I also don’t want to advertise it, though thought it might be OK to be prepared if anyone asked what would make a good gift.
D is in med school, in the middle of rotations. I can tell that she is starting to be really busy. I want her to be able to schedule doing a registry at a time that is good for her without having to do it under pressure or a deadline. She can have it done without advertising that it is done and then it is ready for if and when she wants or needs to start telling people.
I like the idea of making the reception date the “wedding” date as far as the registry is concerned.
You might check and see how long Amazon keeps its registry open.
My daughter and her husband had an Amazon registry. Almost four months after their wedding, I chose their Christmas presents from items on the registry that nobody had selected (after checking to see that they hadn’t bought the items themselves). The registry was still open at that point (and so was the wedding website, which is how I got the link to the registry). But I don’t know if that would have changed between four and six months after the wedding.
8 months later, my D’s vendors (BB&B, WS, C&B & PB) are still active. I’d use the actual date to avoid confusion, especially if an aunt decides to host a shower…
I went to buy a wedding present for a friend who was married about 4 months earlier, so I went to one of the main department stores in our area as I assumed she’d be registered there. The bride was still registered - but for her previous wedding, which was from several years earlier!
While I figured the china and other selections were probably still her choices, I went with towels.
I think it is very unbecoming to put registry information on an invitation to a party, especially if the invitation is sent by the married couple.
I think it’s fine to have a small wedding and the later party in celebration of their marriage, but in the intervening 6 months people who want to give them a gift will have had ample opportunity to do so. For the convenience of those who might want to send them a gift, I think they should register somewhere. The information can be disseminated the old-fashioned way: by word of mouth.
I don’t see any reason to have a shower, but then, I am anti-shower in the first place.
With such a small wedding, you don’t want to make it look as if the majority of people are only invited to gift-giving occasions.
How are they going to announce the marriage to friends and far-flung family?
Ok…so am I nuts? I’m flying for two days to a very good froend’s kids wedding two weeks before ours! But this is one of my very best friends, and it didn’t feel right not to go.
Reservations for plane and hotel…done.
As far as etiquette goes, you’re not really supposed to put registry information on an invitation. Like Consolation said, if you’re inviting people yourself, it comes across as asking for gifts, which should never be the expectation. I liked the way my friends wrote it on their website: “The only thing we ask of you is to dance the night away! Your presence is our present. However, if you would like to get us a gift, we are registered at Bloomingdale’s.” If you’re going to put it on a website (I did), I think that’s as good as phrasing is going to get. I did not love what my other friends did, which was post it on their Facebook wall.
Computer-savvy people know you can google a couple’s names and all of their registries will pop up. Less tech-inclined people will ask around. If someone wants to find it, it’s very easy to do so without actually putting the information on the invitation.
@thumper1 I think you are doing the right thing. It sounds like you have things pretty well organized.
@thumper1 Agree - you won’t regret it.
Oh I’m happy I’m going. Really two weeks before, everything should be all done…including the seating chart which is a challenge.
We also have a wedding weekend five days after our DDs, and another in September.
We are also invited to a wedding we are not attending out of the country at the end of June.
My fridge looks quite festive…a bunch of Save the date cards…and invites. All beautiful!
I think it will be a good thing to get you out of town 2 weekends before the wedding. If you aren’t there, you can’t keep changing things or making calls or worrying that a spot on the grass is starting to brown. Nothing to worry about if you can’t see it.
@rebeccar Thanks! We were not planning on putting it on any invitations, nor were we planning on telling people about the registries unless asked. My main questions were whether or not to have one since it will be such a small wedding and if she is going to have one if it should be done before the wedding or before the reception.
I think we have decided to do it before the wedding and just not say anything about it unless we are asked. I don’t know if there will be showers, though there may be and if she has them done ahead of time she won’t feel pressured to do it when she doesn’t really have the time to do it right.
@thumper1, go and enjoy being a guest! Not the same because we had no choice but to go, but my niece’s Bat Mitzvah was literally the weekend before my son’s wedding last year. We (the entire family including my S and DIL) flew the 400 miles to the Bat Mitzvah and had a wonderful time letting my sister be in charge of/worried about all the details!