There was a thread a while ago about splitting checks. It seemed to me that it was regional, check splitting was more the norm in the Midwest.
But agree that the waiter was being lazy or was new. It’s not that big of a deal to split checks and I find it annoying when a waiter can’t be bothered to split. I just split a check with my sister but we had them divide the check in two instead of breaking it down.
But we (older adults) should be like the kids and get Venmo. Venmo is so easy when you want to share expenses, so easy to send money. I do it all the time with one of my kids.
I know we have covered this before…but can I ask about tips…again. We aren’t tipping any waitstaff at the venue including the bartenders. There is a large gratuity as part of our venue cost.
We would like to tip our wedding planner who has gone above and beyond, and our florist who has also gone above and beyond and will be setting up the tables.
We are wondering about the band. We will ask our son (who is a musician and arrived yesterday)…but I wondered what folks thought?
We have three days…and only a few little things to get done…I hope. I’m at the point that anything we forget is “oh well”.
DD took a ballroom dance lesson with DH last night to work on the father - daughter dance. It’s the first time I got teary eyed. Very special.
I think it depends partly on whether they work for themselves or not. If it is the person’s own business, I don’t think tipping is expected or required. They are expected to set the fees they feel are fair, which might include extra fees for extra services. Certainly it isn’t wrong to tip, but I’d probably do it by adding a sum to their final bill, rather than by handing them cash.
As I’ve mentioned before, when I had my chocolate business I used to do wedding favors. I was one of the few vendors out there who didn’t rip off wedding customers. I charged far less than I should have: the wholesale price for the truffles, the actual cost of the packaging with no markup, and a very modest hourly estimate of the time required to assemble them. I always went above and beyond, and believe me, no one ever tipped me a red cent!
In the case of servers who work for the venue, an automatic gratuity is really a set labor fee that is passed on to the customer, not a tip.
We do it here, too, in New England, our group can be ten or more, nice restaurants. A few places have a policy not to (in addn to splitting, it’s not missing any parts of the order, who had what drinks or sides. Then the server has to account for each payment, no misses.)
Once, a limit of ten splits, so diners 10 and 11 did their own figuring. We always discuss with the server, first. Remember, to coordinate a table being served together, they often put the whole order in together. The bill split is later.
Our venue had a line item called “service”, but when I asked about it I was told that it was for their cost to have servers that day, and it was not a tip to the servers. Make sure about yours.
We gave a whole bunch of tips in separate envelopes to our wedding planner to distribute. We gave more tips in envelopes to the woman running the venue, for the servers and all there. After our weather disaster and how well it was handled by our wedding planner, I mailed her a second tip along with a thank you note a week later.
We are not tipping each server. Not happening. We don’t even know how many there will be. We know folks who work for the venue and they say that tipping the servers is not expected.
We will tip the wedding planner, and the florist. And maybe the band.
Since I did not sign the vendor contracts for the wedding, I can’t opine on tipping for the band, staff etc., but at the rehearsal dinner, I did tip the venue coordinator and the wait staff assigned to our group, above and beyond the gratuity added to the final bill. I thought they really added to the way the evening ran and I wanted to recognize their efforts, directly.
We tipped everyone - bartenders, waitstaff, day-of coordinator, the guy who delivered the cake, etc. We were told specifically that the service fee added to the contract for the reception was not a tip; we did not have tip jars out for the bartenders, so in that particular circumstance, I wanted to make sure the bartenders received a good tip. I thought everyone did a fantastic job and I was more than happy to compensate them for it.
Actually, several of the waitstaff/bartenders thanked us personally for our generosity…so maybe tipping is not expected, or maybe I’m way more of a Big Tipper than I thought I was.
We did not “tip” the minister/officiant but I did make a donation to the church itself (over and above what we paid up-front to use the space.)
We handled the tips like greenwitch did - envelopes to be distributed by the venue.
I was the MOG, thus the rehearsal dinner I also did the morning after brunch at the hotel and they assigned one waiter to us. I tipped him separately… maybe $40-50. He worked hard refilling everything and dealing with special requests.
I have done engagement party and bridal shower at different venues. I didn’t tip over and above 20% they added. Over the years, I’ve also given graduation parties, milestone birthdays (my parents and kids sweet 16s) at restaurants/banquet halls, and I never tipped more than what they added to my bill. I have asked banquet managers and they all said it wasn’t necessary.
I know D1 is going to give something extra to the wedding planner and her assistants. She will also tip the non-owner DJ (there will be 2), same with photographers (owner and an assistant) and videographers. Tipping the assistant, not the owner.
Have loved reading about this year’s weddings. Thanks to all who’ve shared.
About tipping, our experience was similar to Scout59’s. I knew that tip jars had been used previously at the reception venue and we did not want them, so I told their coordinator that we’d take care of each server. I made up envelopes with generous cash tips that dh passed out at the end of the evening and nearly every server sought me out to say thanks in addition to thanking dh. I had our florist send an arrangement to the coordinator’s office as a thank you to her.
We made a more generous donation to the church because it wasn’t Dd’s parish and the pastor spent a lot of time dealing with some extra paperwork for the couple. We had flowers sent to the church coordinator in addition to her separate fee and did the same for the music director. The organist was not affiliated with the church and quoted an absurdly low fee for his service. I sent a check for twice what he requested and told him we felt lucky to have gotten him at all. We also doubled the suggested amount for the altar servers, which hadn’t increased since our kids were their age.
Our former parish here charges a large premium for non-parishioners as well as a premium for parishioners who have not contributed certain amount over the previous year. Had Dd chosen to get married there, the cost for the facility fee alone would have exceeded all of the fees, tips and thank you gifts combined.
Here is the tipping guideline given by our wedding planner (I asked her for advice). YMMV We gave her the tips at the rehearsal so we wouldn’t have to worry about it on the day of the wedding.
Our venue had a gratuity included in the price, so we did not tip. The bartenders did not have tip jars out, but many of our guests did tip them when they got drinks (it is common practice here).
D paid for the hair & makeup for everyone, and she tipped.
No tips for the DJ, photographer, florist or wedding coordinator - they were all paid adequately. They did all get dinner (except the florist, who was gone by then), which was very good.
The use of the church was free, but we had to pay several people for their services directly (their wedding coordinator, security person, sound guy, etc.) - it was really inexpensive compared to our own church. We paid the minister more than his typical honorarium, since he drove 45 minutes for the rehearsal & ceremony. He & his wife came to the reception, as well. The organist refused to take any money from us, but she and her guest did attend the reception. H and I have sent a check to the church for their ministries - we are grateful that they allowed us to use their facility, and we really like what they do for the people who live in their area.
It is very common to split checks in Colorado. The other night went to a burger place with 11 people, 11 checks. The waiter had a little handheld thing where he swiped the cards right at the table, you could add a tip and sign on the device (looked like the thing the UPS guy uses). Nice because he never took your card away from the table, no need to ‘store’ the card to run the tip later. I paid cash and that seemed to work too.
I think the waiters get better tips when everyone pays separately. My bill was about $10 and I paid $13. If we all would have thrown money into a pot, I probably would have paid $12.
@thumper- sending you good thoughts for the chance to enjoy the warm and wonderful weekend your family planned, I am with you on the father-daughter dance. I choked up seeing them “practice” in our kitchen this weekend. We are a couple of weeks out and it is finally beginning to feel like there is actually an event about to happen, not just a a series of excel spreadsheets to navigate.
Best to all who are in the home stretch, as well as those just starting the process.
RE: tipping the florist: what would you do? Our florist is extraordinary and assume the flowers will be, too. She is the business owner in a seaside town with many high-end wedding venues. Her service includes three in person meetings to do floral and venue interior design, plus attending the meeting with the venue to select linens, lighting, etc. She really helps to pull it all together and has been a delight to work with throughout the process. The cost is itemized and breaks out the labor from the actual arrangements. Is it routine to tip florists who do a great job? If they own the business, does that impact the decision? The price point of these services corresponds to the quality and location. (A 10% tip is into four figures.) Any thoughts or experiences? I want to express our appreciation, yet am not sure what makes sense. Thanks.
If 10% is into the thousands, then the cost of the flowers is pretty high and should cover all she’s done for you. The best ‘thank you’ might be recommendations to friends and groups you belong to, good reviews on social media, and a thank you letter she can post in her business. If she has a big group of people working on your flowers, perhaps send a breakfast of bagels and coffee on the day before your wedding when you know they’ll be working on your stuff.
Just adding…I dropped some stuff off at the house and got to visit with the bridal party and friends who are staying there. It was so much fun seeing DDs college classmate friends (there are 5 SCU grads there), as well as the other friends. They are having so much fun.
They are heading out to dinner in West Hartford, but wouldn’t tell the place!
I also did the morning after brunch at the hotel and they assigned one waiter to us. I tipped him separately… maybe $40-50. He worked hard refilling everything and dealing with special requests.