Our invitation said the wedding would start at 4:30, but the sound person did not show up at the church & they had to call in a sub - so all late comers, including my S (who was walking me down the aisle), were able to get there on time. I honestly have no idea when we got started. The folks who were seated on time seemed to have a good time getting to know each other. No one seemed cranky!
D has decided to say “ceremony starting at 6 pm”, and plan for the shuttle to leave the hotel 10 minutes after stated time (should get guests to venue at 5:40 with the delay) and start the ceremony at 6:10-ish. Flexible to start later as needed. 
Reception is at the same venue, so a delay won’t hurt.
We just ordered invitations (thanks to whoever recommended Invitations by Dawn - great selection and pricing) and put the actual start time of the wedding on the invitations. We mulled putting a start time for the reception and cocktail hour but decided against it as the wedding and reception will be held at the same venue.
Shower planning is stressful! DD wanted only one shower in the city they live in (4 hours from us) as the wedding is here. DH thought that was ridiculous and that we should have a shower here as well. I agree but it is what the bride wants I guess.
No worries @millermomm. One shower can work fine; wedding planning can take plenty of time and effort as it is. There will be much celebrating in the run-up.
DD gets married next week after a 15 month engagement. She opted out of any shower. Her bridal party spans the country, with 2 in medical residencies and no 2 in the same state. She and DF live near his family, 4.5 hours away from us. As a bride, she was hyper-sensitive about effort/travel/expense requests of bridesmaids, as well as the appearance of any gift grab. Her wedding, her call. The night before the wedding is her time with her close friends. Her future in laws did host a party that was partially an engagement celebration; while some brought gifts, I had no awareness that they were receiving them.
All the best and glad the invitations worked out.
We didn’t have a shower either…but some friends gave extra wedding gifts because of that whichnwas very unexpected, and generous.
A word of caution…
I was at the dreaded Bank of America for an hour yesterday where my DD has her accounts. She and her husband have not yet dealt with setting up joint bank accounts, and she is not changing her name until after she files her LAST (woohoo) financial aid application in October.
Checks were written to them as a couple using married names. Checks were written using “and” with both names…and lots of variety there…checks were written to each of them separately.
Bottom line…if a check is not written to the couple as “or” with names separate, you can do a big song and dance, but the couple both need to stand there and the one NOT on the bank account either needs to be added to it ASAP, OR the bank will make an exception if both are there to deposit into one person’s account.
So…have your wedding couples set up one joint account before the wedding. Of course it will have to be innthe brides maiden name…but at least checks written to them both will likely be able to be deposited.
It’s one thing I never thought of!
Some brides don’t change their names upon marriage, so that eases the issue.
@travelnut I agree with your daughter! The MOG and I are throwing the shower on the $$ end of things as we both agree the bridesmaids have enough expense with this wedding. The bridesmaids will be there of course as helping hands. I will be making the drive out to the MOG’s house in a couple of weeks to address invitations, plan for catering, and shop for decorations. I didn’t want to invite everyone on the wedding guest list as I think it is a lot to even ask for someone to drive 4 hours for a shower (wedding is a different story) but DD felt it rude not to. Her call I guess. We were judicious with the wedding guest list and didn’t invite people she is not well acquainted with so it hopefully will not be seen as a gift grab (which I agree can happen).
thumper1 - Congratulations on your DD’s wedding!
@oldfort, thinking of you as the weekend begins! I hope your FSIL is feeling better and that there will be blue skies overhead - well, at least no rain!
@VeryHappy I’m not sure this is an issue of name changing. It is an issue of having an account with bothnames on it, and how checks are made out.
My S and DIL opened a joint account a couple of months before the wedding as they were buying an apartment and wanted to deposit the down payment funds in that account at a particular banking institution for preferential mortgage rate purposes. She did not and will not change her name, but even checks written to “Mr. and Mrs.” were easily accepted for deposit to that account.
Stay out of a branch and use electronic check deposit. Doubt anyone cares that way.
We got our first one to “Mr and Mrs [his name]” and I was able to deposit it to my account through the mobile app. The names weren’t even accurate considering we aren’t married but it was fine.
UGH!! DH ordered a suit May 25. They promised it would be in by this past Weds. Now they are saying next Tuesday, but he will be out of town til June9. Hope the alterations person can fast track it!
@doschicos Once a bank made me come to the branch over how a check deposited in an ATM was endorsed. Don’t be so sure…
^ With Citibank at least, depositing a check through the app has two stages. The first, it’s immediately deposited and the money is available in your account. The second, you have to wait a day or two for them to approve/verify it. When that approval comes in, it tells you to write “void” on the check and rip it up and then the process is over. So once you get that verification email I think you’re in the clear.
Well…maybe not. If the checks are made out to Mr. and Mrs. NewName…the bride won’t be able to cash them…at all. We have that too.
And if the checks are made out to Ms. Oldname and Mr. NewName, they need an account with BOTH of those names in which to deposit any checks.
Bank of America said they would not accept these checks, and would contact the folks making the deposit. They said anything done with a phone…nope. They would say no too…
It’s a matter of access. If my DD deposits checks made out to DD AND SIL, and tries to out them in HER only account, SIL would not have access to that money. Period. There was NO discussion about an alternative.
For us, there were ten checks written in a way that neither SIL or DD could deposit (either AND or Mr. and Mrs. NewName). Luckily they were good friends, and all are sending me checks. I wrote one to DD to cover the checks they wrote.
We’ve deposited checks many times for decades with misspelled names, other people’s names (our kids with an endorsement on the back), checks made out to me using my husband’s surname where I have always gone by my maiden name. Never issues using ATM or electronic deposit.
I’m sure there is the “official” answer and then what actually happens in practice. However, endorsing a check over to someone is a thing and that endorser certainly doesn’t need to be present when the check is deposited.
Most banks are pretty strict about the “and” on a check. I work in financial services, and any bank worth their compliance salt will balk at that.
Most banks won’t take third party checks, and if one name on the check isn’t on the account, that makes it a third party check. The down side to trying to push it through is if they catch it, they can charge the account holder the fee they’ve posted for that, or stale checks, or post dated checks cashed early, etc. Banks are more strict about it.
Your tax refund check cannot be deposited into an account where the SSN doesn’t match up with the account. For some reason my state refund check came as a hard check and they said something about it when I got the check but I just deposited it. I really don’t know what the trouble was as my name is the same, SSN name is the same, I’ve had the bank account for 40 years.