A cricut - a vinyl cutting machine.
We just sent out invitations a couple of weeks ago, and we set the bar really low for the rest of you. No calligraphy, just regular handwriting of average quality. No titles, just names, and sometimes nicknames.
You’re welcome.
So my #$*#)$(&%&%BIL and wife, who seem to think that work is beneath them and have expected others to fund their lifestyle are not coming to the wedding b/c no one in the family will pay for them to attend. We are paying for the airfare and hotel for 2 of their s’s (ages 30 and 27) to attend, but DH and other SIL finally said they were tired of his expecting others to pay for him/his wife, so our wallets are closed. And they aren’t attending b/c they are such poor money managers. There is a solution: GET.A.JOB.
So my #$*#)$(&%&%BIL and wife, who seem to think that work is beneath them and have expected others to fund their lifestyle are not coming to the wedding b/c no one in the family will pay for them to attend. We are paying for the airfare and hotel for 2 of their s’s (ages 30 and 27) to attend, but DH and other SIL finally said they were tired of his expecting others to pay for him/his wife, so our wallets are closed. And they aren’t attending b/c they are such poor money managers. There is a solution: GET.A.JOB.
@jym626- totally get it. While it is seldom discussed, I’ve learned that in the run-up to a wedding and the event itself, there is a certain amount of separating the wheat from the chaff. Some of it is hurtful, yet DH and I are trying to appreciate the liberating aspects of fewer entitled people to placate, accommodate and finesse.
@jym626 , now is the time to be GLAD that that particular couple, who were certain to make some kind of trouble, are NOT going to be there.
I mean, does anyone actually WANT to see them?
My sister and BIL have (had?) a long term friend who had become increasingly difficult. For decades, they always included her in holidays, etc. She refused to have a cell phone, doesn’t have a car, wouldn’t rent one, won’t take a taxi even in the city. Constant drama about her showing up for things. BTW, the woman is wealthy and could easily afford as many phones and taxis as her heart desires. When they moved out to the country place full time, she never failed to be a royal PITA: people have to pick her up and drop her off at the station, at her hotel, every day during her stay. She helped with nothing. One 4th of July–they have a big party-- she sat on a lounge chair with the Sunday papers and didn’t greet or speak to anyone else as they arrived. The next year she sent a bizarre note accusing my sister of taking advantage of her, favoring other friends, etc, and said she wasn’t coming. S was mortally offended, but I said to look on the bright side: she wasn’t coming! We didn’t have to deal with her! We were all happy about it throughout the holiday.
Oops my post double posted.
They make everything about themselves, just like @consolation’s relative’s friend. I am not disappointed they aren’t coming, but am disappointed for my DH and DS. This is a special day and its pathetic that they couldnt (A) thank us for paying for their grown kids and (B) save up $30/mo or so over the past year for a ticket. I guess oldest s needed that $300+ computer with special software so he could play video games and do animation all night. @-)
Frankly, I don’t know why you are paying for their grown kids, either. It certainly is nice of you, though. 
^ this is where you say, a la “Dangerous Liaisons,” and repeat as often as needed: *It’s beyond my conttol. *
Seriously. You did what you could, this is on them.
Keep saying it, it helps.
As a guest to someone’s wedding, less is more, which means don’t bother the host unless you absolutely have to. Get yourself there, find your own lodging, entertain yourself when you are there. The host has 100+ guests to deal with.
I was lucky that most of our guests were like that, except for one couple who insisted on coming 2 days before the event and wanted us to spend time with them. They wanted the girls to tour the campus with them, show them the sorority the girls belonged to and wanted to have meals with us. The woman also wanted the girls to go over her outfits to make sure they were appropriate. We had to say no to all of that. To be fair, they were not unpleasant once we told her we were not available. We did have one meal with them.
I agree with @oldfort . I was very clear with DH that I was NOT making any arrangements for anyone…we were the hosts of a wedding…not trip planners for others.
We had family members ask us to find local to here kennels for their dogs! The answer from me was a clear NO. In the end, they decided it was smarter to kennel the dogs near their homes instead of driving them six hours in the car. No I’m not making that up!!
My H’s best friend from college told us he and his wife were coming for the wedding and planned to spend a few days with their family in NYC earlier that week. Imagine our surprise when the week before he suddenly realized that he had the date for the wedding wrong and had planned to leave the city on Saturday. He did, after telling H, change his family’s flights but then asked my H, not me, if he could help with getting a room at the wedding hotel for that extra night. Of course my H called me and, for the first time in my life, I gave him the name and number of my coordinator contact at the hotel and told him to take care of it himself…and he did! It was a not untypical situation with this friend, but I was so glad my H stepped up and dealt with it.
H’s cousin (in her late 60s) had surgery on a date very close to the wedding date. She really wanted to come to the wedding, but she didn’t think she would be up for driving. She called & wanted us to find someone to drive her (the B & G had lived in a city close enough for her to drive there & hitch a ride) … uh, no. Then she started calling about wanting us to book her a train & pick her up at the station. Again, no. I tried to pass it off on my MIL, and the cousin told the MIL she would need to stay in MIL’s hotel room so MIL could help her drain her wound. Uh … wow. MIL said yes but then kicked it back to us to help the cousin book travel arrangements. I finally had enough & told H to handle it this way: Let the cousin know she is loved and will be missed, but it seems like the stress of the trip will interfere with her healing process. We feel it would be best that she stay home to recuperate so that the next time we see her is not her funeral. It worked. Family.
Oops, typo again- he bought a $3000 computer for the son to do animation and video games. Ironic that this BIL has a degree in accounting/finance. Apparently he didn’t learn much.
@consolation- the 30 and 27 yr olds are “professional students” and are still in grad school. DH felt our DS would want the cousins at the wedding so we decided to pay their way/their hotel. Oldest nephew (32) is on the spectrum and reportedly doesn’t travel well (but did come to older s’s wedding) didn’t come on the cruise last summer but %&#q BIL, who finally told DS yesterday (RSVP date was weeks ago) they weren’t attending, said " even<> was ‘willing to come’ but they are resource constrained". Sure, I’ll bet he’d be willing to come if we paid for them to all come, as its unlikely oldest nephew would come without a parent. No clue if he would have been willing to come with his brothers, but no matter. Not going there.
For what it’s worth, it seems that every family has that person or couple that no one really enjoys being around but does so out of obligation. I think it’s far better to be sympathetic towards your H and S because the in-laws won’t be there, than to be angry at your in-laws because they are there at your expense.
Oh there are plenty of people who connive their way to ‘get what they want’ for a variety of reasons.
At my dad’s funeral visitation, a couple who ‘live large’ (think they are bigger fish than they are, and always bragging about all the fun things they do) went through the condolence line backwards - being loud and really over the top. Shockingly bad behavior.
Before nephew’s wedding (destination wedding in Estes Park CO), all family were there on Thursday - so I found a nice restaurant and reserved for the ones that wanted to come, and it turns out we added two as 89 YO MIL/FIL also came (were dropped off and picked up by our niece - sister of the groom). The next night H, DD and I were not hungry for a full dinner and just ate light where we were staying. BIL stated several times how I needed to plan the Friday evening ‘dinner’ for those not part of the rehearsal dinner…uh No. His W also said for him to cut it out, that they could find a place to eat… I just refuse to get sucked in and manipulated.
One of H’s brothers is married to a gal that has put all these dietary restrictions on them - trying to say he is gluten intolerant and how they have these very specific diets, organic food etc. However she is a smoker, which is such a cognitive dissonance thing to me. He is a healthy weight; she is overweight but eats expensively and selectively. MIL was all worried last year Aug when this brother came for one day/one dinner (while others came from far away as it was their parents wish that all the sons be there for their anniversary, which was not good timing for the rest of us, but MIL likes to have her sons around and they want to please her). They also were planning to all be there to meet with the extra help/lady that was lined up to help with these home bound seniors. It turns out the one son that lives the closest had his GF in the hospital (serious, from not tolerating chemo). Sister in law was helping me with dinner. MIL insisted that having both rice and pasta wasn’t ‘enough’ and wanted to have mashed potatoes for this one son (we had gravy with the roast, which could be used over the pasta as well) - so we were to run out to the store so we could make the additional potatoes ‘in case’ her DS wanted it (I had sweet potatoes at the house and it turns out he ate a sweet potato). Sister in law bit her lower lip and kept a calm voice talking about it; I yelled. I was so fed up with the long trip and MIL’s bad behavior. I did apologize in front of everyone (MIL said nothing in reply), but MIL has been horrible from before that time on. On the prior Christmas, I had gotten a flatware set of 8, as they always needed more flatware - MIL didn’t want to take it out of the package, but we ended up washing it and setting it on the table. Many times she will say she doesn’t ‘need’ something and almost bites the hand that feeds her so to speak. When I see things they need, I bring them and just start using them - washable table cloth and set of reversible washable place mats - once they are in use, it is like they have always been there. Sister in law brought new sheets that were still in their packages - we washed them and just put them on the beds. The slip on warm slippers I got her last Christmas (that fit her) were not what she ‘liked’ but I left them there. She constantly says she is cold; she could slip them on when she is in her recliner, but most likely because I bought them she doesn’t want to use them.
I do think FIL/MIL’s words and actions are wearing on their sons/relatives. I will do a lot and put up with a lot, but I also won’t be used and unappreciated like a floor mat. I have to preserve myself and also not get baited.
Wise words @Chumom. In this case DH felt DS would want 2 of the cousins there, so made the decision to pay their way and get the hotel room. I hope they won’t put room charges on (apparently there is no way to pay for just the room only). I am proud of DH and his sister for not offering to pay for BIL/SIL to attend. BIL has never had any ability to manage money and I am beyond over it. Have plenty more to do before the wedding than worry about them.
We paid for the B&B rooms and each guest were asked to give their own CC for their incidentals. Maybe large hotels can’t or won’t do it.
Thanks, @oldfort. When I made the reservation for them I asked. Unless I misunderstood, she said they will be asked to give a credit card when they check in, but I couldnt prepay the room or separate that charge. I’ll ask again when we arrive.