So sorry but I agree that better before the wedding than after. I hope the logistics will all work out. Hugs to you and your daughter!
Oh, what a brave decision, but still so sad and difficult. If I were your friends and family, I would want to still see her, and offer support, or at least have the choice. But I’m sure most people will have nohing but sympathy
I’m sorry you’re going through this Treemaven, but better this than a divorce. Do you know if the fiance and/or his family still plan to fly to Jamaica? They might have nonrefundable tickets too.
If Jamaica is the home to this man, do you and your daughter really want to go there, at least so soon? Maybe those with reservations can get airline credit; as far as the hotel, I would think there is still time to cancel without penalty for the guest rooms. If the caterer will not refund your money, maybe you can use the amount at a later date for a family gathering. I just know if this were my daughter, going to the venue where she was due to be married on the same weekend, may stir feeling she isn’t ready to handle.
There is always the option to donate the funds for a small event; maybe a local school or program for the less fortunate.
Your daughter is one brave woman to take the steps she did; I am sure she did not make the decision without much thought. This was a big decision that has/will affect your entire family. You all need time to process and move on; you can decide what to do when the time is right.
I am not sure if I would want to go down there either, but if other guests are going because they have paid for it then I might pay for an event for them.
Treemaven - did your daughter get an engagement ring? Contractually, the ring is to be returned if there is no marriage, but in this case she may want to sell the ring and use it toward some of the expenses.
@snowball - I am a bit confused as to why Treemaven would have extra funds ? I think she is going to be out of a lot money for all the deposits she has made.
I assume she means donate the catered food, flowers, etc to a local organization if there is no refund to be had.
Ahhhh.
Yes, sorry I wasn’t clear-if the funds can not be refunded, donate if you decide not to make the trip. If you can use the money for a later time, if it were my family, I think we would go on another date in the future and make use of the services.
Thank you all for your empathy, advice, and suggestions. Right now, time is of the essence and much is past the point of refund. I have a lot of e-mailing to do today in order to give the guests any chance of cancellation regarding the hotel reservations. I will return and update you when I get a chance. j❤️
@treemaven, best to you and your D as you work through this. I know a young woman whose wedding was called off a week before it was to take place. It was hard on her, but her life since that happened has changed in such wonderful, positive ways. I wish the same for your D.
@treemaven Just before I read about your situation, we were talking about a couple of women in our extended family who called off weddings, as well as a couple who should have called them off but went through with them and divorced inside of a year. Always very stressful…but it happens. And both the women who called off their weddings got through those rough times and ended up being very happy later.
It must make it all the more stressful with a destination wedding, but then almost all the weddings we go to require travel for most of the guests. I’m sorry you and your daughter are having to deal with this. Hugs to both of you!
@treemaven your D is very brave to call off the wedding. I have a friend who called off her wedding a few months before the date.We were all so glad she did. She said it was extremely emotional and said the best thing her parents did was to just let her talk and to not make her worry about all the money that had been spent.
I have another younger friend who divorced after one year. She said she knew it was a mistake before they even married. She wishes she had had the courage to call it off.
@treemaven, I’m so sorry your daughter is in this situation. She was very brave to call off the wedding. Good luck dealing with everything. This is a tough time for your family.
Hugs, @treemaven. Your daughter made the right decision. All the best to her!
tm–So sorry for your D. A wise decision that will lead to better things.
My D, who is having a church wedding in Italy next summer, got legally married in a one-minute civil ceremony on the steps of our local art museum yesterday (bride/groom are both artists/art teachers). Groom’s dad and I signed the papers as witnesses. There were 10 people there in addition to the bride, groom, and officiant. Several of us took random photos–I got a few good ones–which B&G want to keep private until after the church wedding. Weather was clear but cold. We toured the museum after the ceremony, went out to dinner at a nice restaurant, then had dessert at our house. I made the wedding cake–it was 3 layers–cherry chip with chocolate in the middle. White icing, sugar pearls for decoration–and two dove ornaments on top. Very simple, but cute/yummy–I was proud of it. There were other desserts, too–Christmas cookies, pastries, chocolates, ice cream. D’s younger sisters helped decorate our kitchen/dining area with streamers, confetti balloons, and paper snowflakes. B&G were surprised and pleased–it was very pretty. They cut the cake/did champagne toast. This was the first time we’d met groom’s parents who flew in for this one-day (3 to 10pm) event. Everyone got along OK.
One glitch was that I had bought bride and groom a corsage and boutinierre-- since they were wearing everyday clothes (nice dress for bride, sweater/blazer for groom), I thought they should have something special. It took them a while to pin these on correctly, so that was a bit of a delay. Then, as soon as we entered the museum before the ceremony, they were stopped and made to take off the flowers. No flowers allowed in the museum!
So they just kept the flowers in their pockets until we got to the restaurant. I was sad they didn’t have them on for the ceremony, and was kind of sorry I got them because it created extra trouble.
Just happy and relieved that part is done. Wish the “real” wedding could be that simple!
Very nice @atomom. And congratulations!
Sweet, @atomom . Can you temporarily make a photo of the cake your avatar so we can see? It sounds adorable.
@atomom flowers are never too much trouble IMO. It all sounds charming – best wishes!
We arrived home last night from my daughter’s wedding weekend. We meet my D’s new in-laws for the first time on Friday morning for breakfast, got manicures on Friday, and had a wedding party dinner on Friday.
Then Saturday was full of picking up flowers,getting dressed, then pictures and the wedding. The maid of honor was late getting to the new venue because she was so busy helping D get dressed that she ran out of time. So, the wedding started 15 minutes late but it wasn’t a problem except in D’s mind.
There were fewer than 20 people at the wedding, including the bridal party. It was outside in a church’s courtyard. It was sunny, windy, and in the low to mid 60’s and it was exactly what D and her new H wanted because they were able to marry each other.
They were also able to get pictures at the Pacific at sunset at Harbor Park.
There was an article that sort of went viral about the wedding venue change due to the government shut down. It started with business insider and other outlets picked it up. A reporter interviewed my D through email for that article A CBS person saw the article and contacted D through facebook messaging. D thought CBS wanted to do a skype interview yesterday, I am unsure if that happened.
So happy it all worked out! I’m betting those pictures were gorgeous!
Congratulations!