A small digression…but if she has been riding a scooter for 8 years, she isn’t going to be hopping around at all soon after knee surgery…just not going to happen.
Continue with your plans and celebrate the day when the time comes.
There is another MOG, I believe, on this forum…and I don’t think anyone in the brides family came to the wedding.
I am now a MOB, my D got engaged recently, they are hoping to marry sometime in 2019. We are searching for a venue, and are questioning how large a space we need. Their invitation list is 233, but that includes sending invites to every extended family member, knowing past history of family wedding attendance means we will have some percentage decline.
Once you get past 200 guests, the venue prices seem to jump dramatically. Is it safe to plan for a venue with 200 guests? Some places we have looked out have outdoor overflow onto porches, or we can rent an outdoor tent to provide some margin for additional guests.
Am I right in thinking that Venue drives all the planning? And until a Venue with an exact date is under contract, all other planning choices don’t really matter?
For us it was finding the wedding planner. She helped us find a venue to accommodate all of our guest. We wanted to make sure she was available for the wedding.
@powercropper welcome to the club. My D searches venues and picked her date on availability of the venue. She also found her planner through the venue. She loves the venue she picked but said in hindsight she wishes she had found the planner first as the planner has a knowledge of venues that my D had no idea existed. On the other hand she also knows she would have not found the planner without the recommendation of her venue.
My friend found the venue for her D’s wedding through a caterer she had used previously. Again the caterer had locations that weren’t readily advertised.
I told my D that I realized her wedding is just over five months away. I need to make some dates to go up and see my D. Her dress is at the bridal shop but my D doesn’t want to go try it on till her Dad and I can come with her. She is a bit nervous it won’t fit.
We had around 200 guests and it was hard to find a venue big enough for our guests. It was the planner who found it for us.
Our DDs wedding was near where we live…and where there are a LOT of wedding venue options. We toured 7 of them together, and she liked one more than the others…by a lot…so that was our choice. We could have looked at more than a dozen additional venues…but we really wanted something convenient to where we live too.
We set some criteria before we started looking…and my main one was that I wasn’t going to deal with tables, linens, dishes, catering etc. it had to be one stop shopping! So that was that.
We really were very happy with our choice, and it worked out very nicely. We had about 123 people in attendance.
I think you’re right except in situations where there is a wedding planner. Choosing the planner and finding out when that person is available might take priority.
It’s interesting to me to hear that it’s hard to find venues for weddings with more than 200 guests. At the other end of the scale, my daughter and her now-husband found it difficult to find a venue for a wedding with approximately 50 guests. Apparently, the world expects everyone to have 100 people at their wedding.
@mom60, a good seamstress/tailor can fix any issues with a dress that doesn’t fit!
At 11:30 pm last night, DD called the wedding off and broke her engagement. We support her decision totally. It was the only proper decision under the circumstances. Four years of dating, which included a 17-month engagement still yielded totally unexpected behavior.
So, now we have to figure out what to do about all the vendors—particularly the caterer and musicians. First deposits were paid ages ago and the final payments are coming due, the first being due Jan. 1, 2019.
The wedding was planned for Feb. 2d in Jamaica. All the guests have incurred flight expenses, hotel reservations; many planned to extend their stays for a bit of a vacation. I presume most, if not all, of the flights are non-refundable. Not sure what the hotel cancellation policy is for the individual bookings, but . . .as the hotel was all booked for our event, I can’t imagine it will be happy to be emptied a mere 5 weeks before the event.
What to do?? Hubbie wants to cancel whatever we can—and possibly just forego going at all on our part. I’m thinking that given all these people probably have non-refundable flights that we invited them down for a two-evening party, we kind of owe it to them to provide the food and music. The vast majority of guests are DD’s friends whom she doesn’t see often as everyone now lives on opposite coasts, so they could turn it into a ‘reunion’ party . . maybe.
I feel the caterer is the lynchpin and that’s the first contract due final payment—by this Tuesday. Not much time to really mull things over. DD’s sister is concerned how DD would feel having a party of any kind there now. Jamaica is ex-fiancé’s bailiwick, not ours.
DD is holding up well, but it has been barely 12 hours and she’s still reeling and trying to process the precipitators revelations. She’s still angry, but moving into the confused stage. But she is holding firm that wedding and engagement are off (as she should). She will not take him back.
So, any suggestions or advice on how to handle the pressing issues of what to do with the pending vendors? We can cancel, of course, with varying degrees of financial loss, but the question is whether we should.
@treemaven - I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how your daughter must feel and you are hurting for her as well. I am sure she appreciates all the support you are giving her. It has only been only 12 hours. Why don’t you let it sink in first and not think about what to do about the non-wedding now. It is not going to change anything for you to take some time to process this first. I am sure your CC community will come up with suggestions for you to consider. I am not a huggy person, but here is a virtual hug to you and your daughter.
Can your daughter take the next few days to talk to her friends and see if they still want to vacation at the resort? It might be a fun reunion but not if your daughter isn’t into it.
If you do go, I’d not have the events as if they were a wedding. Passed foods or a buffet instead of a sit down meal? A big BBQ beach party? The caterer might be willing to make changes if he gets the same amount of money.
Oh @treemaven, I am so sorry this is happening. What a nightmare.
Your daughter may not be in the state of dealing with this. I would email the guests to let them know the wedding is off and ask them if they would still go on the trip. My guess is most guests are making a vacation out of this. Instead of having a wedding reception. I would pay for few events as suggested by @twoinanddone. At the same time, I don’t think it would be necessary for you or your daughter to be there. If you scale back the event(s), the caterer may be willing to use the deposit you have paid already plus a bit of additional money. I don’t see why you would need to spend the same amount.
@treemaven I’m sorry for the logistics issues, but it sounds like this decision is the right one.
I agree that seeing what the caterer might do instead of a wedding type reception would be a good idea. Take time to decide what your family wants to do.
Could you contact the vendors and find out what your obligations to them are…and what you possibly could do instead of a “wedding” type of party?
But first, but hugs to your daughter for making a very difficult decision.
So sorry, @treemaven. Sounds like your daughter knows what is best to do; as hard as it all seems, that would be a comfort.
The mechanics of the current contracts are likely already spelled out, with any flexibility at the discretion of the vendor or venue. Only they can let you know if there is there is room for consideration. I think what will make sense depends largely on whether your daughter and other members of your immediate family would go, as well as whether the attendees would be mostly daughter’s friends, family members, or a combination. As others have said, a bit of time passing may impact your daughter’s thoughts about what she would like. I could see daughter’s inner circle rallying to support her, wasting as few guest resources as possible and trying to turn it into whatever it needed to be. Hope all will give you a week to try to connect the dots. Hang in there.
If tickets are paid for and you decide to go ahead with some kind of party, I might go anyway to oversee the party being thrown with my money and try to enjoy a vacation. Sometimes in this situation with cancelled wedding plans I’ve heard of people having local underprivileged groups come for a party.
Oh so sorry, @treemaven! You have been through so much! If you decided to have a brides side only party, that awful boyfriend of the MOH have to be tolerated!
Better now than later @treemaven. My husband and I have discussed this scenario. Because of the large amount of money we’ve had to put down, we decided we’d go through with the event, only changing it to our 35th wedding anniversary party. I love the previously mentioned idea of a beach BBQ.
Thank you, oldfort. We have a few days before the caterer becomes “no cancellation” re: payments due and owing. .
You could also ask the caterer if they have had to deal with this in the past, and of so, what the families chose to do.