As we were planning, we talked a lot about the things that were important and things that might not be. Of course, YMMV on these items.
We talked a lot about the things people remember…and the things that might not matter as much.
We decided to not have menus on the tables. Our ceremony was very short so we didn’t have a program for that either. We did a lot of shopping around for the florist…and also looked at lots of options especially for the tables. Same thing with the cake. Our wedding actually has a Venetian table dessert for the guests, but the bride and groom wanted a small cake to cut.
We felt that the photographer, and the entertainment at the reception were top priorities. We decided to have a band…and for us that was a good decision. It was fun! And memorable. The photographer…we really liked him, and his second shooter, and were generally happy with the pics especially of the bridal party. Unfortunately it rained so there are indoor pics, and they aren’t my favorites…but they are fine.
We also thought long and hard about all the food. People remember the food if it’s really not very good. So…we wanted it to be good. Our venue was one where we had attended functions and other weddings at their sister location. So, we had an inkling about what the food would be like, and we were not disappointed.
I have to say…even if the decisions had been different ones, the day was fabulous, and we just plain enjoyed it. So…look at the pluses, and forget everything else!!
also…re: Photographers. If it’s in their contract, don’t forget to include their meals in your food budget. Same for DJ/Band members. Luckily for us, the photographers (2) asked for boxed meals as they were moving around all day… and DJ’s (4) agreed as well. About half the price of the reception meals. And we also had to remind venue that they should not be included in the alcohol per person charge. At the end of the day, about $400 saved. In whole scheme of things, not much…but when we’d already blown thru the budget…well, it helped.
Our venue charged 1/2 the per person cost for our vendors who were there…for us that included the band and two photographers. They ate the full meal…their choice from the 4 entrees offered, but set up fully in a different room. We also provided them with water and some snack food (fruit) throughout the reception.
S and his wife (not us!) chose a photographer that they had for 8-10 hours, prior to wedding photos of both bride and groom and their attendants, ceremony photos, after ceremony photos at a separate venue and then reception photos. They received the photos afterwards on a jump drive and disk I believe. Under $1000.
I personally don’t see an advantage to having hundreds of photos.
@twoinanddone, I would have thought so, too, until my niece’s wedding. I was in the group family shot and the table shot, but otherwise nada. Lots of photos of the bridal couple’s friends but no candids of family. Some of those friends will still be in their life years from now, but I suspect they will regret not having more of grandmothers, cousins, etc.
D wanted an in-the-moment photographer, and she is very happy with the pictures. On the other hand, my MIL and her D complained about not being in more pictures. We had posed pictures in the church that included family members. I guess they wanted more of themselves, but given the fact that my SIL sat there & had her phone out most of the night, I don’t know why should couldn’t have taken her own or asked others to take some of her. Really, if we had known that they were going to complain, we would have made sure the photographer took a bunch of pictures of them. They didn’t bother to go to the photo screen where they could have had all the photos they wanted taken of them. Sigh … can’t please everyone, I guess.
My advice: If you think your family members might complain about not being in pictures, make it a point to have the photographer get a bunch for them.
No idea what the photographers cost. but some of my favorite photos are the ones taken when the bridal party was getting ready, ditto for the groom/groomsmen, the “first look” and some fun candids. The family shots are always nice, but am not seeing many “table shots” anymore, which, IMO, is fine.
Oddly…the picture we didn’t get taken was my husband’s huge family. Somehow…that just wasn’t on the list. We have his siblings and mom in pictures, but none of the in-law aunts and uncles…or cousins. We have all of them in a candid or two…but that picture would have been nice…and would,have been almost half of the wedding guests.
It was a huge oops…huge.
But it is what it is.
What got me is that one relative actually complained to me about it!
Thankfully, we got all the family pictures…which was quite an undertaking as my son in law is from a huge Irish Catholic Family (think his 16 aunts and uncles, spouses, cousins, etc.). But some of our dear friends who traveled cross country were only in a background pic…
My D photographer is around 6 K for many hours engagement photos etc… Its about average for here. I know someone who spent 12K.My D and her F do not want first look so timing will be tight.
If you are missing pix of certain people see if someone else has those photos on their phone. Perhaps someone took photos of the people at their table. I took all sorts of pix at son’s wedding that the photographer did not. Including some video of the first dance which I truly love.
I also have audio recording of the ceremony and the toasts. Glad I did that too.
DIL had an anatomic (?) ultrasound a few weeks ago (It’s a girl!!). Everything was perfect but the baby was in the 12th percentile. DS and DIL are both pretty small, and the actually conception date might be 6 days after the date they have, so not a huge deal, but the OB ordered a “growth” ultrasound which she had yesterday. Now baby is in the 16th percentile. Due date is May 27th and I am VERY excited.
DH was more matter of fact when he proposed, so BFIL’s excitement is kinda new to me. Sweet. Did I say, he wants to propose in her bedroom, because it’s where he first told her he loved her. He’s going to set up fairy lights, etc. I’m trying hard to stay out of this (it’s their moment,) but am supposed to lure her here and up to her room. Then, I plan to retreat to some other corner of the house.
One good thing is I totally cleaned out/spruced up her room and the leftover energy is going to a few other rooms on our 2nd floor. Lol. I’ll be sorting that stuff, taking books to the library, donating clothes, filing or shredding papers, etc, through winter.
We made huge progress on wedding planning this weekend…when the bride, groom, and groom’s parents flew in from various locations.
The wedding is scheduled for January 2020.
Met, hosted, and spent 4 days with the groom’s parents
Visited venue together
Looked at rehearsal dinner venues together and they have selected one
Bridal gown, check! (4 appointments at three stores, ordered from the first store)
Bridesmaids dresses selected (color TBA); Nordstrom. That makes it easy for the bridesmaids in 4 cities.
Cake selected! I attended the tasting with the bride and groom and it was unanimous!
Florist, waiting for two quotes but are really hoping the favorite is workable.
Remaining big decisions: invitations and DJ, whittling down the guest list.
We have a Blue Nile store and the couple visited and found rings they like.
Groom is on the arty side and is considering tuxedos in colors other than black. Bride says wait and see, this may change.
One question for the group: the groom’s parents would like to host a party in their hometown, either an engagement party this spring, or a post wedding party next year. They are happy to schedule it when we can attend. As the guest list is too large for the venue, I’m wondering how either of these plans would impact the number of attendees/rsvps for the wedding reception.
Also one stationery/invitation consultant suggested that, on the save the date, we ask folks who know they will decline, to let us know. (Does anyone have good wording for this?) she further said we would still send invitations to those people, but that seems like a gift grab. Thoughts?
Thanks to everyone. This thread has prepared me for many issues. We may be looking at Oct 2020. Other than brunch with the couple and D2, we haven’t talked much. She wants to lock a venue soon, has what I think is a crazy budget, too high, thinks 60 people (ha, I doubt that.) But she showed me a picture of two dress styles, one that’s almost exactly what I’d envisioned, simple and elegant. The other mirrors mine.
This is my usually calm kid, but I can see some hints of fretting. Wait til I suggest the local grocer for flowers (they’re amazing.) I know she trusts me, but it’s too soon to know what the dynamics will be.
Our save the dates had a tiny line that read “for early declines, please email [brides email] and know that we’ll miss you!” These are mostly overseas people and the bride will send any early No’s a note asking if they’d like an invitation anyway, just for fun
Any ideas how to help MOB and FDIL not kill each other? DH is about to give FDIL a sit down to say you cannot make your parent be the person you want them to be and deserve( he would know) so plan what makes you happy instead of what pacifies Mom for today.
@lookingforward if your local grocery store is Wegmans we had an unsatisfactory appointment there. We went in with high hopes. We are expecting the quote next week. The woman we met with only wanted to sell us roses, chrysanthemums and carnations. I understand other personnel may be better.
