@greenbutton we may copy that early declines line!
I’m struggling with the wording on my engagement party. This will held in a few months, for mostly my closest friends and the parents of people who knew my son knew fairly well. It will be at my house. It is unlikely that anyone but a few close friends and family will attend the wedding.
I’m so aware,that this wedding is all about the brides dream fantasy. Holding it on a Sunday. eliminates people who would come for an afternoon wedding. Finding a different venue for a Saturday nite was not a consideration.
It is amazing how details like wording can take so much time and effort.
We ordered flowers from Sam’s for the engagement party and the welcome party. The flowers came in bulks and we did the arrangement. The flowers were beautiful and fresh. My daughter actually put down the wrong address for the welcome party. The customer service called up the delivery service to re-route the delivery so we could get it for the party (the location was 250 miles away from the original address).
My opinion…
I think the grooms parents can do it either way. An engagement event or a meet the newly married couple event. I think it would be less awkward if they did it after the wedding as a way to introduce the new wife and family to their local friends. I’ve been invited to a number of engagement parties, and in all cases, all of those guests were also invited to the wedding. But a party after the wedding to meet the newly married couple wouldn’t create that expectation.
Re: flowers…we interviewed several vendors, and the best one turned out to be at Shop Rite…a grocery store. The wedding florist we had was fantastic, responsive, and helpful. We were very happy with the flowers.
We also had some planters planted by our CSA farmer…beautiful lavender and pink flowers that would have been outdoors near the bride and groom. It rained…so they were placed at the bottom of the staircase where they were married, and that was nice.
@Mom22039, I was the MOG and my H and I were confronted with the situation @thumper1 mentioned above. We ultimately hosted an engagement party where all the guests were not subsequently invited to the wedding. This party was “the wedding” for all our friends (and my MIL’s friends) we knew we would not be able to invite to the wedding. I struggled with this, and my H struggled more, but we wanted to share our happiness with the friends who had watched our S grow up. In our case, the venue was limited, the kids were both over 30 and had large groups of friends of their own, and our immediate family (siblings, aunts/uncles/first cousins) accounted for 40 of the 50 guests we were allocated. I was up front with our guests, specified no gifts on the invitation (which was ignored by most everyone) and they were not expecting invitations to the wedding. It was a wonderful summer evening in our backyard.
I can make a wedding cake, delicious and all properly trussed up- but no way I can arrange flowers. Not even a dozen roses, by themselves. I envy those who can. She wants this to be very local. Though we’re close to DH’s cousins, they long ago quit the bit about inviting more than their own siblings’ families.
I wonder if I can get her to try on my dress. It’s so close to her second choice and not dated. She wants a local private club for the venue, but I’m angling for a local, small historic library. After this thread, I’m insisting on at least a “day of” coordinator. She and I may meet this weekend.
Based on my own experience, I would say that the easiest way to accomplish this is to pay for it.
We used a local grocery store for our flowers (table settings and bouquets). They were all beautiful.
If I were hosting a party for friends who couldn’t attend the wedding it would be after the wedding. I probably wouldn’t make it for the couple though. I’d just invite people and let them know the young people would be home and would love to see them.
We had people we were pretty sure wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding but we sent them invites anyway and let everyone reply in the same timeframe. I don’t understand how early responses work. People send a wave of save the date cards and when some of those people decline they send a second wave? I’d be concerned that people in the 2nd wave might hear about the announcement from someone in the 1st wave and wonder why their save the date card came so much later.
We also used a grocery store for my D’s flowers. They were beautiful and MUCH less costly than a florist.
D and FSIL have sent save the dates. They are both in professional schools and their friends change. They will finalize their invite list later this spring. D’s response if she is asked is STDs went to relatives, parent friends, and some OOS friends, locals will get an invite.
S & FDIL wanted to corral any early declines for budgetary reasons, since they/we are on a tight budget. If they are budgeting for X amount of people, but 25 of them already know they aren’t coming, they’d like to redistribute that cost to other things. There isn’t a “second wave” of B-list invitations.
I met with D1 yesterday. She showed me her budget (which I think is too high,) but we got along sweetly. She’s got 4 or 5 venues in mind, each with its own charms. Most of the rest in consideration (like the photog) is strong recommendations from recent bride friends. She surprised me that one place is a local church both of them like. It recently built a gorgeous adjoining pavillion for events.
I told them their next step is to vet them in person. Decide if they want me along or not. Then get to tasting food. Another surprise: turns out she cares next to nothing about the food. The elegance, an open bar, dancing, her own look matter more. Said she never remembers the food at past weddings. So I’ll probably get a large vote in how we handle that. They’re thinking 5-10pm, so a meal is a must. Agrees on a Fri or Sunday choice.
Some places include a “day of” coordinator. Most include passed hors d’oeuvres (I remember someone’s comments about add-on pricing for that.) Most have an hour open wine/beer bar. The others, we’ll see how the caterer manages.
And as with so many here, the guest list has risen from 60 to 70.
Still terribly early in the game.
My opinion…people don’t remember the exact food if it’s good…so make sure it is…good.
Thanks. You betcha. This is is great food area. I’ve eaten from the top 3 caterers in play (attached to a venue or their short list,) and they’re great. In the past. One place does their own and they’re the unknown. Private club. We do need to test eat. Lol.
Btw. At my suggestion, she got ring insurance and I do advocate that, if anyone hasn’t. Inexpensive.
We are fortunate that D’s venue has a single caterer that I have tasted many times. They have a monopoly on many country clubs in the area and dentists tend to hold meetings in those spaces. I have eaten just about every entree over many years and they are absolutely fine. I agree that people don’t remember good food, and maybe not even bad!
She and FSIL are coming to taste in a few weeks anyway. She is vegetarian and they have offered to plate a veg meal for any guest who requests it (no extra charge). The buffet will have 2 entrees. They haven’t chosen them yet, but leaning toward the beef and chicken options.
The bakery has changed as one I grew up with now has a local shop. She wants cupcakes and we had a few in January. She and FSIL are sold on them! For a small fee, they will provide all trays and stands for set-up, plus offer tips for design.
We are moving right along. The shower invites have been ordered, the invitations are designed, her dress is almost finished with alterations, bridesmaids selecting their dress style, hair/makeup salon reserved. Check, check, check.
Big kiddo chose the catering program at a local technical college to cater her reception meal to let them practice and to save $$. Chicken, veg, and salmon are all I can remember. It was not a Michelin-starred meal, but the guests were quite happy. The “cake” was a cupcake pyramid (baked by big kiddo and buddies), and the centerpiece was handpainted by baby kiddo (wooden figurines from Michael’s). I agree that unless the meal is really awful or the guests are so picky they expect a five-star restaurant service, the food is not going to be a big deal.
I remember bad food or not enough food (don’t need to be expensive food, but has to be good). I am one of those people who get hangry. 
The next thing is drinks for me and my third is music.
For D1’s wedding we specifically asked if they would have enough servers so food would come out fresh.
S2’s wedding was last night, at her parents’ beachfront house in Puerto Rico. Fabulous. We are still here. I will post lots more when I’m home later in the week.
So S2 and his now-wife met in college, in 2010, and they’ve been together ever since. He brought her to our house for Thanksgiving weekend in 2010 and we fell in love with her. She is from Puerto Rico and her family – lots and lots of family! – is still here. Her sister got married at her parents’ house three years ago, so it was natural for S2 and DIL to have their wedding here as well.
The house is relatively small, but they have apartments attached that they rent out. They provided one of the apartments to us for our week-long stay here. The Atlantic Ocean is literally 25 feet from our window, and their entire back yard overlooks the ocean. The spot couldn’t be more beautiful. They had a large tent set up, under which we ate dinner – two long tables of 36 each, and the bride and groom at a table for two at the head of the two long tables. A dance floor. And the ceremony itself took place with the ocean in the background and all the guests gathered around. I have never seen a more beautiful setting for a wedding!
I also loved it because they had a nice, leisurely two-hour cocktail time, with passed hors d’oevres. We got to chat with the people we wanted to (our son’s nanny, who was with us for six years, came all the way from England to attend!) and a few we didn’t need to know. The bride’s 100-year-old grandmother, who is sharp as a tack, was here, and I was thrilled to meet her. Also saw lots of S2’s HS friends, who of course used to practically live at our house, as well as the couple’s mutual college friends.
We are still in PR and leave in about 48 hours. Both sons are now married – so no more weddings for us for a while.