It is surprising that many people do not. D1 did not want people to feel awkward about “what not to wear.” Even with her very explicit dress code, I still had people who wanted to share what they were going to wear with me (no, I am not going to your hotel room to help you pick out what you should wear).
That being said, everyone looked lovely.
@gosmom - when you have people coming from so many different places, it is very helpful to let people what to wear (so they don’t have to over pack) and it just makes everyone more relaxed.
I love it when folks give more specifics rather than saying “garden party formal.” 
In the two weddings my daughter has been in, both with very young couples, no one was inappropriately dressed even though both wedding were in the church halls. The first was a Mormon wedding so everyone was used to dressing for events at that local. The other was a Catholic wedding and both bride and groom had attended Catholic schools. Dresses and suits.
Even guests from other part of US might not know what is traditional in your part of country. To me in our town if the invites is formal and it is a church/country club wedding at 6 pm or later, then wedding is black tie and I would say 95% of men will wear a tux (or dinner jacket in summer.). Many area of country may not be that stuck on tradition. I think more information, at least on website, is always good. D was invited to beach wedding that is semi formal beach wear. ??
Well, let the games begin! My S1 and his girlfriend of 4.5 years got engaged on Valentine’s Day! We love her and are absolutely delighted!
Congrats, Bedtfriendsgirl!
ditto!!
Off to my D’s shower in a few minutes. The hostess has arranged a cooking class. It should be fun. My D and her bridesmaids are also having the bachelorette weekend this weekend. They all arrived yesterday and are staying at my house. Tonight my H and I and another relative will vacate the house for the night so the girls can celebrate without us older folk.
enjoy, @mom60. Looking forward to a great report!
An interesting anecdote- waiting with my friend’s little boy for a haircut at a salon in San Francisco, the young man in the chair was getting a haircut for a bachelor party he was attending in Mexico for the weekend and was telling the stylist that he had no idea agreeing to be in the wedding party was going to cost so much money! I laughed to myself and said that this was something young women have dealt with for years.
And so it begins … my sister-in-law wants to talk to FDIL about having the wedding at her cousin’s “event barn” in the middle of nowhere. Yuck! I really don’t think she’ll go for it but it sets my teeth on edge just the same. Probably because I don’t really care for SIL, I don’t have a country bone in my body and I don’t want people having to drive at a wedding and cocktail reception in BFE! She really has no clue and what’s really driving me nuts is there’s nothing I can do about it and I don’t get to decide.
D2 originally wanted a wedding in an orchard, hours from home. In the end, they chose an event weekend a little more than an hour away. Friends came from mostly NYC and Boston, one OR, one in Europe, but the saving grace was the guest list was small, all friends, plus us parents-- and each could afford the travel, hotel room, some fun the night before. This gets a lot harder when you’re asking a large group to congregate.
Are you concerned SIL could really sway FDIL? Do they even know each other?
They live across the street from each other. I really think FDIL’s parents will carry the day, though, and her mom is leaning toward a hotel where out-of-town guests (and there will be many) can just go up to bed.
Yikes, about them knowing each other. But it’s the kids’ wedding.
We’ve got about 18 months. I know it flies by and reserving is critical, but it gives me all that time to practice not stressing, figuring what needs to be done sooner and what can be last minute. I truly appreciate all this thread has taught me. And her office has lots of recent brides who married local and have recommendations.
Best to you, BFG.
@bfg- can see why that seems presumptious in the absence of a request for suggestions. Weddings are a lightning rod for some folks; this thread is full of examples. Hope your hunch is spot on.
For our upcoming wedding, we originally thought it could be nice if the parents of FDIL could stay in the same hotel as we did. This is because both sides of families will come from out of town. We patiently waited for a while to see whether the young couple may have a suggestion like this but it seems they do not warm up to such an idea. When we could not wait any longer (We had a lingering concen that all nearby hotels will be sold out because the date is close to the graduation dates of many colleges) we decided to select and book the hotel which is a block or two from the venue they had selected.
I visited the venues with D1, but we made the groom’s parents aware what we were doing and asked for their opinion. I think if they had a strong opinion about something we would have accommodated them. As a matter of fact, they chose a town that was much easier for the groom’s family members to get to and my side of family and friends had to travel 4+ hours to get there. I think it is reasonable (and nice) to make sure both sides of family are happy, even if one family is paying for most of the expenses. Sometimes a young couple may not have as much experience in planning a major event, there is nothing wrong for parents to step up and point it out to them (hotel reservation, have seats for older people to sit, transportation, etc).
My D and her fiancé looked at venues near their house and my D considered a few near our house. They ultimately went with a venue about 7 hours from us, an hour plus for them. I’m to sure how far from the grooms parents. We did go look at the venue with them. My D wouldn’t pick something without us seeing it and giving our support. I’ve had no contact with the grooms parents aside from the MOG and his stepmom coming dress shopping with us.
I’m pushing my D to get moving on the invitation. They have picked one but need to add addresses. How far our did everyone send invitations and how early did you make the RSVP date?
I’m exhausted from the weekend. My D had her bridesmaids come to town this past weekend. We also had her bridal shower on Saturday. It all went well but I’m tired. The girls all stayed at my house. We stayed Friday night but vacated the premises for Saturday night. Sunday they went out to breakfast near the ocean and in the afternoon had a spa day. They invited me and my sister to the spa day. It was nice but an expensive afternoon. The bridesmaids were all very appreciative of us opening our home to them. They also appreciated not having to spend money on lodging. The weather cooperated and my D’s maid of honor appreciated the sunshine as she is living in the Midwest.
This was the kickoff to the wedding. It went really well. D was appreciative.
The shower was a cooking lesson by a chef that was preceded by a trip to the farmers market for the bridal party. It was perfect.
Mom60, I don’t recall when your wedding is. My son’s is in October. They picked their invites, but not the wording, and are gathering addresses.
The fiancée asks my opinion and I do all with due diligence. I spent a few hours looking at invites but they chose one with a botanical look, whereas I go for more simple. We discuss wording. Example, including her parent as along with me … celebrate wedding of our children. Vs. the children’s name, followed by family names. I’m open to,suggestions, but I suspect she will do what she wants.
I will concentrate on a local party I’m doing for the couple. I’m inviting family in the area and the parents of my son’s closest friends, which are 5 couples still living here. My coworkers are included & a few best friends, who have known my son since he was 4 or 5. Until a few days ago, I had my closest friends on the list who don’t know my son. Someone reminded me how uncomfortable that would be for the youngish couple. I have much to,learn.
In our situation, it seems parents on both sides have no opinions and no inputs — at least this is what is happening as I perceive. The young couple handle everything and we know very little about the month-to-month progress.
Maybe I am the one in our family who tends to worry the most about anything, no matter how small or insignificant it may be. But the total lack of communication between the parents on both sides makes me nervous. Whenever we think we do not “do much for them”, we think of throwing more money at them in order to show that we truly welcome her to be a part of our family. From what I have been aware of the progress so far, as it proceeds now, it is likely they may not use up the money, contributed by the parents of both side. That is, it is not the financial resources that they may lack. This is their least concern. I actually guess that the parents on the bride’s side have been doing the same: just contribute to them financially, maybe even more than we do, and do not know what else to contribute. You may say: why not pick up the phone and just make a call? This simple thing to do for most people is actually not so simple due to the language barrier between the parents on two sides. We need translator between us. Aarrgg…