I wanted cherry blossoms for tall flora arrangements, and D1 gently reminded me that cherry blossoms were not in season in June, so we settled for some tall green plants. I wanted cherry blossoms because D1 was named after it. 
On flowers, we didn’t know what to set for a budget, and the online guide for our region was woefully inaccurate. We are not planning to have any flowers for the church. The wedding will be in January and this year, the Christmas decorations were still up.
Four bridesmaids, 4 groomsmen, 3 father/grandfather boutonnières (nothing for moms/grandmothers) … it’s the table centerpieces at $145 each driving the cost up. I don’t have all the detail here but with delivery and taxes, it will be about $4500. (That’s two mortgage payments…). Bride is paying for $1000 of it because it is so far over what we had expected to spend.
Well, DD has decided to go very non-traditionall. No bridesmaids or groomsmen. Even the Moh and BM will not stand with them but just sit up front and bring the rings up at the appropriate time. He will walk down the aile with his Mom and we will escort DD. This definitely reduces some expenses.
The table centerpieces in my avatar were $52 each last May.
@kelsmom that is exactly what DD wants for table centerpieces. Lovely.
FDIL has a relative that arranges flowers and will probably use her as her florist. I’m not sure how elaborate her centerpieces, etc., are going to be.
@Mom22039 our bid is half that amount for more bridesmaids and groomsmen. 6 bridesmaids and 12 boutonnières. We also are getting flowers for the chuppah which they will get married under. Centerpieces are $65 a table. Venue is in the Bay Area of Ca where things can be expensive. The florist we are using comes highly recommended but the florist myD absolutely loved was double the cost. Maybe January flower costs are high since it’s unlikely to have much in season.
I figure we have enough to do without trying to order flowers, pick up and arrange them.
I am loving seeing all the centerpieces.
After the bridal pictures, the florist took the girl’s bouquets and used them for the tables. My daughter wanted simple and used large mason jars. The bouquets were used in the mason jars along with other flowers on the table.
According to my daughter, the girls had been in enough weddings that they didn’t care about keeping the flowers. Money saved!
Our bridesmaids all were traveling home by plane. No one wanted their bouquets. BUT we had some younger cousins who were not invited to the wedding. The bouquets were given to their parents to give to these little cousins…who were thrilled to receive them when their parents arrived at home.
I’m curious …what sort of relationship, if any, do you have with your child’s future in laws? Did you do planning together, just keep each other in the loop? The MOB has called several times to basically pump us for information, and I don’t want to be rude or unfriendly but FDIL has made it clear there’s a gag order. I know the mom is difficult, and don’t want to be in the middle , not now, not later.
My own parents and inlaws know each other, but have no contact outside graduations and weddings. I thought that was normal but maybe not?
My husband and I have been married 33 years. Our parents live about a mile apart and are friendly because we spend holidays, birthdays, etc… together, which makes our lives so much easier. We live 80 miles away from my son and his in-laws. We are friendly, and talked a little during the wedding planning, but so far, don’t spend a lot of time together.
We were all over the board. S2’s in laws are friends now and we stay with them from time to time when we go out to visit since they live in a resort area near the kids. When we were planning the wedding we communicated alot since the wedding was at the resort near them. On the other end, DD’s MIL lives in a different country and does not speak any English. They did a courthouse wedding with her there and we weren’t but they videoed for us. We are planning the ceremonial wedding there now. Communication is all through SIL. In between is S1’s in laws that live with them. We see them when we see the family. When S1 got married they did a quick courthouse one since he was starting law shcool and I was othe only one that could be there so there was no communication then.
Gag order? About what?
We kept our SILs parents in the loop. Involved them in some decision making. Took them on tour of venue and hotel we booked. Had lunch with the MOG several times during the planning. Shared pics of dresses we were considering and ultimately chose for the wedding. Got input from them regarding seating at the reception for guests they invited. Helped them find a great rehearsal dinner venue.
If the groom and bride don’t want you talking to them about the wedding plans, politely say “you need to talk to your daughter about that”. Repeat as often as needed.
I talk to MOG about once a month now. Not a lengthy conversation, but a touch base one.
MOB interacts with people mostly through demands and accusations. She has more than once implied that the bride is unworthy and should be agreeable lest my son dump her. I believe it comes from an honest inability to not be the only decider; once she has information she tends to pick it to pieces. So far I do exactly as you suggest – " ,oh gosh, I don’t think I know that, but I’m sure bride hs that all under control, she’s so good at that". MOB seems to think we will bond over a common distrust of our kids, and that is a line I’m not crossing
Drinks- we will be serving beer and wine. There will be water and lemonade at the ceremony site. At my S’s wedding they didn’t move the lemonade and tea from the ceremony site to the reception. They did move the water but it had fruit in it and several guests just wanted plain water. We want to have a better selection this time. What are or did you serve that was non alcoholic?
Also any great drink calculator that you have used? My S and DIL used a distributor and I don’t know how much they bought but they had a lot left over. We will actually use some of the leftover for D’s wedding.
Thanks
@greenbutton I have had no conversation with MOG about the upcoming wedding. We did see each other for wedding dress shopping but otherwise there has been no communication. I don’t know if she is not interested in details. I don’t see us being best friends. There is also a step MOG who I find easier to relate with.
For my S I reached out to the MOB right after they got engaged. We saw each other a few times prior to the wedding but the couple did all the wedding planning so we didn’t Have a need to communicate. She is a lovely woman and I would invite her to dinner or stay at my home if she visited our area.
My in-laws and my parents weren’t friends but did get along. My sisters have a relationship with my in-laws.
@mom60 - get a case or two of Pellegrino.
S1 and FDIL have been together almost five years, so we had met several times. We’ve had one semi-official meeting since the engagement and things are going well so far. We appear to be on the same page so far regarding the ceremony, reception, etc. We might even get through with no drama at all, but that’s probably not realistic.
I met the MOB 3 times. Once before they were engaged, once at the shower and once at the wedding. I think that she is not very outgoing. The MOB was not very involved with the wedding planning. The bride and groom planned everything together without much input.
Now that the FOB has dementia, I pretty much guarantee we won’t be together. He gets confused and agitated in unfamiliar situations.
We met MOG soon after the kids were engaged - we all had dinner together at a local restaurant, and we got to know each other. They offered to pay for half the reception, but they (and we) left planning up to the B & G. B & G kept us in the loop & asked our opinions. We saw MOG/FOG at the tasting for the venue, and then we didn’t see them again until the rehearsal. We had a lovely time at rehearsal & wedding, and we will see them on holidays at D’s house. We are friendly, but we aren’t friends.
For DS#1: His inlaws are absolutely lovely. He and we are very lucky. They live across the country (near DS, DIL and Granddaughter). Planning was incredibly easy with them. They included me by photo with the last 2, and final choice wedding gown, we all talked together about the flowers (we were paying for those) did a food tasting at the venue together, a wine tasting at BevMo (very affordable wines and they take returns on unopened bottles) and we schlepped the beer kegs they ordered from there back to the store after the wedding… but I digress).
We have hosted them in our home, we see them when we are out visiting, dines with them when we were waiting for the birth of our mutual granddaughter, have had Thanksgivings together, have stayed together when the “kids” ran a half marathon, we assembled the hospitality bags together, have gone to the wine country together, etc. Absolutely wonderful people. Would choose them as friends if we were closer. Whenever we go out we bring small gifts for them, their other daughter and their other 2 grandkids. We were even texting back and forth when we knew my DS was going to pop the question, and were waiting to hear from them. Absolutely couldn’t be luckier with them.
DS#2’s MIL I had only met once just to say “hello”, back when they were in college. I also called her when the “kids” got engaged. We have chatted by phone several times, and discussed her needs/wishes and the delicacies with the wedding (long story I’ve shared elsewhere). She is also lovely, as are her other kids and their spouses/significant others, but she (son’s MIL) is clearly scarred from her divorce and treatment by her ex-H. I was a very sympathetic ear and we took care of everything, for which she was most appreciative. We have also hosted her and her kids/significant others in our home, they all came as well to that big combined families half marathon thing (where she was a trooper, ran it, and got a stress fracture shortly before the wedding!). She and I shopped together for, and assembled the hospitality bags (she hobbled on her crutches, poor thing) and they also did a video wedding dress shopping which they shared with me and her (the bride’s) sisters. Haven’t talked to her in a while and she lives in another city also a plane ride away.
The word that comes to mind as I think about all the wedding plans and the inlaws, is that everyone was considerate of everyones wishes and feelings. DS did push back a few times (with good reason- it was his wedding) but was open to my recommendations suggestions. She (his MIL) is also lovely, but its unlikely I will see her often unless we are out visiting the kids at the same time. DIL’s father— I met for the first time at the wedding welcome party. Don’t expect to ever interact with him again. Doubt he’d be invited to see any potential grandkids, but not sure. If he is, we will all be on our best behavior. No worries about that.