I’ve seen DS’ MIL & FIL (they’re divorced) 4 times and spoken to her on the phone once. We used to live 4.5 hours away from them; now we live 7 hours away. We first met them separately after they got engaged - we had to travel to where they live since we had the flexibility and resources. Second time was at the wedding. Third time was at DIL’s baby shower at her mother’s house (this was also the only time I talked to her mother on the phone). Fourth time was at GD’s 1st birthday party. They are very nice people, but we don’t have much in common other than our children and GD.
I’m assuming we’ll continue to see each other at granchildren’s birthday parties, but don’t see us socializing with either of her parents otherwise.
We live in New England, DS1’s girlfriend’s parents live in the Midwest, and DS2’s in-laws live in southern California. We see DIL’s parents more often because our sons have come here for the holidays and DIL’s parents join us since she’s an only child. We got to meet DS1’s girlfriend’s parents when they were visiting the “kids” and our schedules lined up a couple / few years ago. Not a lot of ongoing contact with either set, but they’ve all been lovely to our sons and DH and I have very warm feelings towards them.
Back on the subject of flowers, I’ve been told for the last few years that boutineers are “out.” This is likely regional but you might want to ask around before ordering them.
Our guys wore vests…so no boutinaires for them. Initially we weren’t going to get corsages for the grandmas, but we did get them small tea rose wrist coursages. Neither the MOG or I wanted flowers at all…no corsage or wrist corsage. I didn’t want anything pinned to my dress…and a wrist corsage just wasn’t my thing either.
Hi all, I’ve been away for a few days with little time to reply. Thanks for all the thoughts and discussion on the flowers. We’ve signed our contract. We can change things within the contract til about 30 days before the wedding—but the $ commitment remains the same. It’s OK. This too shall pass.
D was only in town for a few days, and we wanted to be able to see winter flowers for next winter’s wedding. We only considered two florists and the selected choice was certainly higher. They had a great and personable manager (often mentioned in their reviews) and our emails have been humorous.
Flowers here are very expensive. and the wedding is fairly large so more tables. I don’t want a corsage.
We get along very well with grooms family. They are very nice. Very accommodating and willing to help out. I have been sick in the past so am grateful she has a nice MIL to be.
I don’t want a corsage! I think boutionaires are nice, though. because they look good and they’re pinned on the men, not on me!
I wish we knew our groom’s family more. We have spoken on the phone a few times, but we live far away from each other.
a little venting here if you can stand it. The bride has already been getting some comments from my mother (grandmother of the bride) about not being seated near her stepdaughters, and from my sister about not wanting to be seated near my stepmother. First of all, I already know they don’t get along, and I will be agonizing over the seating chart to keep everyone separate but equal. Second, I sincerely believe that extended families should be civil at weddings and not bother the bride with their conflicts. All of them have always been wonderful to the bride through the years and obviously all of them are going to be included.
I hate drama! It’s not that I never have conflicts with anyone, but I just don’t approve of dragging other people into them. And I also really believe it is worth the effort to smooth things over and make the best of things where family is concerned. It is so sad when families let estrangements build up.
I had years when I didn’t get along with certain family members and only asked that I be notified if they were attending. I could then plan accordingly and adjust my attitude or not attend.
I’d tell those requesting certain seating away from Cousin Sue or Wicked step sister Marie that yes, you will make sure they aren’t seated together but THEY will be moved, not Sue or Marie. Grandmother might not want to be in the back, but that’s where the seats away from the stepmother will be. I always knew it was MY issue, not the family members I didn’t like or the host’s problem to solve.
Or you can invoke the Kindergarten rule “You sit where you sit and you don’t throw a fit.”
Am I the only one who won’t meet the parents of the groom until the wedding? We live in different states and the groom isn’t even close to his parents. There was talk, at the beginning of the planning, that he might not even invite them. I think my daughter is playing intermediary. She told me the MOG has narrowed her dress choice down to 2 long gowns, and the colors, without consulting me. I think I’m going with a short dress. Oh well…
We won’t meet MOG until the week before since the wedding is in the DR. She does not speak English, I don’t speak Spanish. It will be interesting. RE short and long gowns, my sister wore long to her son’s wedding and MOB wore short. Did not seem to matter.
No flowers at all at S’s upcoming wedding. And certainly no coordination between the two families - we’ve met the bride’s parents and are friendly with them, but they’re doing their own thing. No coordination on clothing or activities like the rehearsal dinner. The kids have made it clear that they are in charge of the event and we should not impose traditional expectations on the evening!
Because we had a Hindu ceremony and Indian lunch and a Christian ceremony and then a reception, we coordinated a lot with the groom’s family. They planned and paid for the strictly Indian elements (baraat, priest, garlands, etc.) We’ve met them quite a few times and we traded lots of texts.
Here is my vent. Two of H’s siblings and their families and H’s father didn’t attend for religious reasons. Now they’re all asking about how it went and asking for pictures. We sent pix (of the Christian ceremony only) to H’s dad because he’s old, but the others? no way.
I understand how you must feel. But the loss is theirs. DH’s parents and extended family are Buddhist. H was raised Buddhist but is now of Christian belief. I am Catholic. I go and, at times, participate in all their religious ceremonies. It doesn’t change what you believe in and I do it out of respect for the people involved. They missed a wonderful opportunity to witness another culture and religion. I’m sure the Hindu ceremony was beautiful.
@missypie - I can’t imagine the conversations. “My religion precludes me from observing any one else practicing theirs”? Do they not attend religious funerals for people of different faiths? Truly curious, particularly about your generation opting out. I understand disengaging from those requests.
DD and her DH chose to have a secular western wedding with a baraat. It was unlike anything either family had ever seen and everyone did their best to communicate expectations and how it would work. Even without pronounced cultural differences, the individuality expressed in weddings today makes them more fun.
I will say that everyone should have a baraat. What a fun way to start a wedding!
S1 and the entire hs drumline were hired once to play at an EastIndian wedding. It was far and away the most memorable event they participated in, ever. S2 went to several bar mitzvahs (we are observant Christians) and sometimes we were invited too, to our delight. I feel sorry for anyone who thinks their God doesn’t approve of that.
My mom would be 86. Her family was devoutly Catholic. When she was a teenager, her dad took his wife & kids to a coworker’s wedding in a Methodist church. They lived in a small town & the folks at my mom’s church were so upset that Grandpa not only went to that wedding ceremony … but he dragged his whole family with him. I guess they were heathens. Funny how people can interpret what religious beliefs mean. Glad to have been raised in a family that believed you could go to other places of worship & not be in jeopardy of spontaneously combusting!!
When DH and I got married, we had a “good friend” who was Catholic. She claimed that she could not attend our secular wedding because DH was raised Catholic…and the church forbid her from attending and tacitly supporting a secular ceremony . Really?
I thought it was a lame excuse…and wished she had just said…she was unable to attend.
There were plenty of observing Catholics who did attend including my in-laws.
People are weird.
That’s a lot of crap. The catholic church doesn’t prevent you from attending another church for services or a wedding. There are weddings preformed by a catholic priest and another clergy member (Rabbi, minister). Catholic priests participate in combined religious ceremonies all the time. Even the Pope.
I enjoy going to religious ceremonies at other churches.