@kelsmom It’s very form fitting. I’m used to hiding my hips under full skirts! The color is darker than appears on screen, which is fine. I think control top pantyhose may be enough (if I keep up my trips to the gym!) and it can sit in it!
I think my concerns are (1) pretty form fitting and (2) very sparkly! I need to keep reminding myself this is a celebration!
@Mom22039 the dress is gorgeous! But for me, a deal-breaker would be that it can’t be washed or dry-cleaned in any way (“spot clean only”). I liked that it’s “bra-friendly”.
@Mom22039 I’ve had on that dress and liked most everything but the draped back. I opted for an Alex Evenings rosette dress in violet (looks more blue). Less form-fitting, but bra friendly and no alterations needed. D’s wedding in August 24; my dress is lighter than expected and drapes well. I decided I liked the sparkles better than I thought (and I usually dress very plain, but classic).
@mom22039 I think the dress is gorgeous and certainly appropriate for an evening wedding.
@runnersmom for my son’s wedding (last summer) we gave the couple a set amount of money and paid for the rehearsal dinner. The money could be spent however they wanted (wedding, honeymoon, etc…) or they could keep it. For my daughter (March 2020) I paid for her dress and I told them a set amount I am going to give. This way they are in charge of keeping the budget in check, and can figure out what they are getting from the groom’s parents without any awkwardness for me.
@runnersmom we paid about 60% of S’s wedding, plus the rehearsal dinner, and hotel room/tux for one groomsman. DIL’s parents had a set amount for her wedding, so we added an amount we felt totaled a very nice wedding, and S and DIL added an additional amount.
We have given D1 the same amount (adjusted for inflation), plus an set amount for her dress/veil. The groom’s parents have given them the same amount. We split the shower $$ with the MOG, but also we are covering dresses for D2 and DIL, and makeup/hair for D1, D2, DIL. Plus, we are hosting the morning after brunch at the hotel most are staying at. Turning out we are spending more in total for D1, but that happens.
I asked S how much his future in-laws were able to contribute because we knew they could not afford to pay the whole thing. We are fortunate to be in the position to have paid it all if needed. FSIL told his parents how much we were contributing and they offered to match it. (They can afford it with no hardship.) I found it easier to talk to my own child rather than directly with the future in-laws.
@runnersmom I think the sooner the better to have the talk. I personally would have it with the engaged couple. They can then share the details with the in-laws. I agree that you just are very clear in a very happy, supportive way about what you would like to gift them for the wedding (IMO the couple should never assume that parents are going to foot a big bill). If you decide down the road to fund something extra you can opt for that.
If you don’t be open early on before you know it the $$$ start coming left and right and it’s hard to say “no” if you have to. So offer up with good blessings what you would like to do and then let them take it from there.
Yes, my plan was to manage this through the couple, but her mom got to me before I had the conversation with them. Reality is, we can afford to host the wedding and therefore are happy to split the cost with FDIL’s family. I just want to know what splitting entails. A friend of mine did the same for her son’s recent wedding and they basically split all expenses for the wedding, including the rehearsal dinner. They are not expecting or asking the couple to contribute nor would we. Truth be told, the couple is not asking for or expecting anything, her mom took the ball and ran with it as soon as the engagement was official.
We are going on vacation next week, so the “communal” dinner where all will be discussed will be the Saturday after we return in 2 1/2 weeks. I know it will all be fine and I have a few scenarios in my head for how to approach the conversation. The B is their baby and her two siblings are already married so they’ve been down this road before and, I think, have ideas about how to proceed. They are lovely people so I don’t foresee any real issues but I seriously hate talking about money, especially with people I barely know.
When S1 got married, MOB insisted she was making the wedding and my S came to us at the last minute and asked if we could possibly cover the cost for a couple of significant items. We were happy to do it, but I wished we’d have known up front. Ah, weddings!
There used to be a thread where a poster was concerned about MIL wearing white… https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/wedding-dress-mother-in-law-155212250.html
Complete with the photo. OMG.
I have no idea what the fiancée’s family contributed. I haven’t been included in most decisions. I have been asked to make gift bags for people in the wedding party, but have and will run each item by the fiancée.
Last month I threw an engagement party at my house. (Feel free to skip these details.) Everything was done prior to the kids and her parents arriving. That includes my handyman pressure cleaning everything outside, the gardener replanting a bed and having everything trimmed, and my former cleaning woman returning to clean and help set up a week prior, then coming to serve. The theme was Boston: little red buckets filled with ferns, Boston baked beans, cherries, mini cannolis, red plates etc. Blow ups of the buildings each works at. I asked her parents to bring pictures of the fiancée growing up, and I incorporated them into the theme. I only mention this as it was a pleasure for me, so it is hard to be on the outside of the wedding.
We told D how much we would contribute for her wedding. The groom’s parents wanted to contribute, and he asked them if they would be willing to pay for half the reception, as well as for the rehearsal dinner. We ended up paying for half the reception, D’s dress, the photographer & DJ, and the flowers. It ended up being less than what we offered to pay, which was nice. We let the couple handle all the decisions, but D discussed everything with me, which was nice. In the end, it was all perfect & both families had a lovely time.
And @Mom22039, Spanx bodysuits do wonders for helping keep things in check!
Seating charts are making me a little crazy. I think we have finally moved all the puzzle pieces around to get roughly the right number of people at each table, mostly 8 or 9 at round tables. People do not seem to be falling evenly into groups of 8 without a lot of fiddling around!
Now trying to figure out which tables go where. Over the years, my mother has complained about not being assigned to a good table location at two of her step-daughter’s weddings and I wasn’t really sure which were the best tables. I would like the groom’s parents and all grandparents to feel like they are at good tables, but I also want to keep certain people in the grandparent group away from each other (step-family issues). Ick. But aside from the interpersonal things, the relative desirability of tables eludes me. The event coordinator suggested two tables as being good for family because they are close to the bride and groom, but then one of them will be also right up near the dance floor. To me, that looks nice, like it’s the front of the room, but won’t older people dislike being near the band?
If I put them farther from the noise of the dance floor, will they feel like they are in the back of the room in a negative way?
I may be overthinking this! but honestly, my mom has brought up the undesirable table issue a number of times. It’s clearly important to some people!
If you are assigning seats, do you put married couples side by side or just at the same table? These are round tables of 8.
I prefer to mix it up and not sit together, but I know some in my family disagree.
@orangepurple - Miss Manners says mix couples up but I’ve literally never seen that done. Mostly, actual seats usually aren’t assigned but you just find one yourself at the assigned table, in my experience
Being an older person myself, and being very sensitive to noise/loud music, I can say I was seated at the furthest table from the music and it still gave me a headache. But if I were part of the family, I would be upset at being seated in the back. Being seated near the couple would trump dealing with the sound.
Just giving you my perspective.
And I do the same thing…over think things. ?
We are only assigning guests to tables, not the actual seats. We have round tables, most will be 8, some may be 7 or 9. Just depends how many are coming!
I believe family sits near the bride and groom, hopefully not near the music. At S’s wedding, we sat H and me, my 2 sibs/spouse, H’s sib/spouse at one table; DIL’s family right next to us; a table of S’s cousins; a table of DIL’s relatives. All near B/G.
We are struggling with D’s wedding as SIL’s parents are not amicably divorced and MIL has a newish boyfriend. We probably won’t decide until responses are in and the day we have to submit the seating chart to the designer. At the shower, FOG ended up with H and me, S2, and my 3 best friends; MOG with her sisters and nieces.
Just returned home from my son’s wedding, which was wonderful and beautiful and also had a couple of unexpected hiccups that worked out in the end. None of the potential family drama happened, but a sudden downpour started up just as the bridal party was headed off for scenic outdoor photos. No problem: there was an alternate already in place in case of rain. But…the alternate place had water pouring through the roof soaking the bridesmaids and threatening hair and makeup. Off to Plan C, which wasn’t as pretty but was fine.
But wait, there’s more… the bridesmaids were doing hair and makeup at the bride’s family home, which (surprise to us all!) turned out to be in the “no drive” zone for ubers due to the Pride Parade taking place a couple of blocks away. So her father got to ferry soggy bridesmaids around for a couple of hours trying to get to the photo venue through crowds of people trying to leave the parade area after the event was cancelled due to lightning.
But wait, you also get the steak knives … family arrives at the venue at appointed time to do last minute paperwork etc backstage, guests are arriving. The bride’s mother somehow managed to forget the marriage license, the rings, and the tips for the vendors. So she and her DH get back in the car, drive like maniacs back through Pride Parade (apparently including some time on a sidewalk), dig through the house looking for everything with the now very stressed bride on the phone with them. Bridesmaids are gathered in that hushed supportive sort of quiet that happens when everyone is terrified of accidentally setting off the volcano.
Groomsmen have tactfully retreated to a quiet corner and have commandeered a plate of hors d’oeuvres and a bottle and are just happy it’s not their fault. Groom is running around trying to manage the situation. Mom and Dad return with everything, events go into fast forward, somehow the bride manages to enter with grace and dignity as if nothing had gone wrong, the dog/ring bearer in his little suit behaves beautifully, and the bride and groom get lost in one another’s eyes throughout the ceremony.
The party was fantastic. As you know, I’d been nervous about the first dance, but my son skillfully led me through it, while admitting that he hadn’t told me about the central location and the spotlight because he thought that might have been off-putting. 
Except for my 4’9 petite daughter accidentally knocking my husband off his chair as she enthusiastically high-fived him after her toast (he’s fine), nothing went wrong and we all had the time of our lives.
Thanks to everyone here for your support and suggestions, and here’s hoping that your own event have all the joy (and none of the surprises) of ours.
Wow, it sounded like an event packed wedding. Glad everything worked out at the end. Congratulations.
@stradmom You will have so many great stories to tell about the wedding over the years!
DSIL’s parents were also not amicably divorced. He remarried, she has not. He was not involved with the wife at the time of divorce. There were round tables of 10. Much discussion by DSIL and DD about where to put them. In the end parents agreed to get along (hadn’t seen each other in years). So it was us, my best friend and her husband, his parents and spouse, his sister and her husband at the table. I thought they were all fine but friend later told me there was tension and some barbs. Other than eating, we weren’t at the table much, no raised voices or blood spilled, so it was good.
Guests were assigned to a table, not a seat. Wait staff had a list of meals for each table, which they confirmed before the food came out. No problems with the special orders.
@stradmom Wonderful. I hope you save what you wrote, to give to them at a future date.
@stradmom sounds like an eventful day that was handled in stride. Glad the bride and groom were able to get past the chaos and enjoy the moment. What song did you end up dancing to?
For D’s wedding guests were assigned a table not a specific seat. It was hard as the rounds had to seat 10 and the rectangular tables 8. We needed every seat at each table filled or we would need to add another table. We struggled as we had a couple of groups that were a 9. We finally made it work by breaking up a couple of groups in half and mixing it up a bit. One bit of advise is to not make the official seat display or cards till the last minute. We had several last minute changes the week before. What was also annoying was that the grooms side had 5 cancel the morning of the wedding. I know the MOG was appalled as she knew we had paid for them.
The bride and groom had a sweetheart table. It worked out that 4 tables were in close proximity. One was the grooms Dad and family and on the opposite side was grooms Mom and family. They were equal distance from the couple but not near each other. In between we had a table with our other children and SO and the grandparents. The other table was the bridesmaids and SO. I think everyone was happy.
I was talking with a friend as her D just got engaged regarding costs. One thing to consider is that the larger the bridal party the more bouquets to buy. If you do tables of 8 versus 10 the more centerpieces and tablecloths you need. It adds up quick.