Are the wedding reception customs in Italy the same as in the US?
I don’t really know the differences between American and Italian weddings. Ours was pretty much an American wedding in Italy. But I think they are similar, with differences dictated more by class/budget than anything else. We are Catholic, so the church ceremony was pretty much the same. D had the Italian wedding cake (described above) and the traditional Italian favors–candy coated almonds, called “confetti,” always an odd number for good luck (we used 7), usually wrapped in tulle or in a decorated box (we used boxes). A couple things D told me: yellow gold bands are THE wedding rings. Engagement rings aren’t common. Also, she said that people “pay” to attend a wedding. In other words, cash gifts are expected.
@atomom, sounds so lovely. We headed to Alaska for vacation pretty much right after S2 got engaged so I am heading home tonight wondering what has been accomplished in my absence. Judging from their new wedding website I see that they’ve registered and decided that the wedding will be black tie “suggested.” I told them I preferred optional if they wanted black tie but clearly I was voted down in absentia. They’ve also chosen invitations with MOB and I have no idea what they look like or what they say. S1’s invitations were like those described by @thumper1 and I was hoping that would be the case here but who knows. I’m beginning to see how this is going to go and though there were good intentions initially expressed regarding including us in all decisions, I am now beginning to wonder. The black tie bit I ascribe to my S…he loves to dress up but I didn’t want our guests to feel obligated to wear black tie.
Wedding dress has been delivered and the personalized embroidery on the veil turned out just as FDIL hoped. Dress will be stored with us until the wedding. Current angst is over MOB who still hasn’t made a hotel reservation, resists attempts of FDIL to help her clothes shop (I did tell FDIL to dial that back, mom will certainly come clothed so relax already). High maintenance bridesmaid got engaged and is now giving “input” on what she will and won’t do at her own wedding. FDIL will be one of 14 bridesmaids, ye gods…
BM and I have a venue walk-thru soon to double check some items and I finished activity bags for children attending. It is nice to be close enough that there’s not as much planning and more actual doing…
Someone mentioned toasts/speeches upthread — they plan on MOH, BM, and the bride wants to thank everyone for being there herself ( my S is kinda shy, so this is their choice) . We were all just at a wedding with waaaay too many speeches, so we are glad they are keeping it pretty brief
@runnersmom, my D decided to put Black Tie on her invitation because she said that she finds that their generation tends to go more casual than whatever the invitation says. Her interpretation of Black Tie allows dark suits for men and dressy short cocktail dresses for women. I have passed that onto my guests. My BIL freaked out when he got the invite but I calmed him down.
@atomom , thanks for the detailed review. It does sound like your money went farther in Italy. It’s a shame that the DJ didn’t follow the playlist. Music can make a big difference. I haven’t heard the Chicken Dance of Macarena in a while, but Shout always get people up and dancing.
They sent me the proof of the invitation and it’s lovely. Simple, traditional wording for a Jewish wedding hosted by both sets of parents. B mentioned wanting to increase the size of their names (their names are in a more stylized font) and asked my opinion. Personally I would leave them as is, and would have coordinated the fonts to reflect a similar style but don’t know if I should say anything. The bulk of the language is in a very simple, clean block caps font (think Tahoma or something similar) and their names and the name of the venue are in a stylized script. It’s jarring to me visually but I’m treading lightly. The attire was handled as “black tie invited” which even my mother, who is as committed to traditional etiquette as anyone of her generation, thought was a nice way of putting it. I think I’ll ask my S if he thinks B is open to comments or if it was a polite, “here it is and it’s done” kind of thing. If the former, I’ll say something, otherwise my lips are sealed.
@runnersmom, I like the “black tie invited” wording. I would choose your battles and not comment on the mixed fonts. That’s what my D choose and it looks fine. It must be in style right now.
Mixed fonts in my S’s invitation also. Maybe it’s a trend.
Mixed fonts - that was the default suggested at Paperless Post when I went there to do an invitation for an auxiliary event! I changed everything to one font because I’m an old fogey 
trends be damned.
D went with one font because she knows I get irritated with mixed. She chose a calligraphy script and varied the size. Looked very nice.
Well, my issue isn’t mixed fonts but which mixed fonts. I think I will leave it be…there will be other issues ahead on which I feel more strongly, I’m sure. Actually, I despised S1’s invitations, but they got the job done!
Remember there often were things our parents wanted us to do for our weddings 30, 40 years ago that we to this day didn’t love…even though it was our wedding…so…
A large % of people on the receiving end of the invite are not going to examine or even notice the font or font size or blending…they will just notice that someone they care about has a special celebration coming up.
The bride and groom names on our DDs invitations were a more curly font than the rest of the invitation. Honestly, it didn’t really have any impact on me at the time…I had to go check to see them today. Really it’s fine.
I knew something else would arise, just not this soon! Can I vent here for a minute about an issue that has nothing to do, directly, with the wedding? We are hosting an engagement party at our home in August. We invited two cousins of my H but not the grown children of one of them. The mother (H’s second cousin, by the way) has now emailed my H twice to say that her kids didn’t get an invitation. Duh, they weren’t invited. Now, he who hates confrontation has decided to tell them they can come, but that numbers at the wedding will be limited (hint, hint, they won’t be invited). At this point I really don’t want to invite the mother to the wedding either, but H has a very small extended family and he’s unlikely to want to upset his mother. I’ve been through this before, it shouldn’t surprise or bother me. Rant over, thanks for being a safe space!
I don’t think you can ‘hint, hint’ at this relative. I think you have to say outright “We only invited people to the engagement party who will be invited to the wedding. Your adult child (who is like a 3rd cousin to the bride/groom) will NOT be invited to the wedding. Adult child is welcome to attend the engagement party, but will not be invited to the wedding because the guest list is limited.”
You have to say it OUT LOUD. I’d be tempted to ask “Do you understand that?”
I agree that your H needs to be upfront. It can be nicely said that you were limited with numbers and can’t accommodate everyone.
Funny enough we had this issue at our wedding 26 years ago. A family friend of my parents was making a big deal about their young children not being invited. We didn’t invite ANY children which my mother told them but they wanted us to make an exception. I held very firm on that one since I had my own friends that couldn’t come because of cost/space constraints.
Agree with being upfront, politely. About a month before S’s wedding, we were at a family event with several people who hadn’t been invited due to numbers. (We had already pressured them to invite a passel of people not originally on their guest list.) There was an awkward moment where my husband turned to me and said “Shouldn’t X and Y have gotten invitations by now?” Fortunately, his relatives have more tact than he does (!) and said nice things about “difficult conversations we’ve had with Z’s wedding plans.”
My niece is about to get engaged, I already got an email from my sister to see how many rooms I am willing to commit to THE hotel. I told her we are all coming, whichever weekend and whatever hotel they decide.
@oldfort , Very good news! Maybe check with your adult children first about their schedules (and their spouses’ schedules) before committing to your sibling about the hotel. My oldest kid has gotten/is still getting wedding invitations all the time. Every time I talk to him he and his girlfriend are planning another trip to a wedding (either primarily his friends , primarily her friends, many mutual friends, or family) all over the country and a couple times overseas, including Paris in June. They just got back last night from a wedding in NY. He called an hour ago and had just happened to mention how surprised he has been to still be getting invited to so many weddings at 31! Lots of having to take time off and expense adds up. He has been a groomsman in multiple weddings.
I told him to buckle up, there will be more weddings to come. He’s already got more invitations on the books. And hopefully he will have one of those weddings in the next couple of years! We love his girlfriend!i
Congratulations to your niece! Very exciting.
I think I got an answer to the not enough tables and chairs issue. Apparently, the wedding photos look better when there aren’t a bunch of empty seats. I told my husband I don’t want even one guest eating standing up for the sake of photos. Seems like this is the wedding planner’s vision. He spoke to DD, and there WILL be seats!