Adding to the chair discussion- my niece had a venue where there were limited tables and chairs. It was awful trying to eat standing up and I felt bad for the families who had young children when they realized there was nowhere for them to sit with their plates of food. If I hadn’t been a family member we would have left early. I work 10 hour days standing with no breaks and the last thing I want to do on a weekend is stand around in heels and a dress at my age- while trying to eat a plate of food, no less.
Ugh. Now I’m feeling worse. I need a knee replacement, so I’m sensitive about these things. Picturing people sitting on flower pots now. I think I’m going to let my DH be the bad guy and declare there will be enough seats for every guest. In fact, more than enough. Some of these young people don’t take rsvp seriously.
@doschicos , I honestly do not know where they changed. There was about an hour between the ceremony & cocktail hour, and we were in a downtown area. None of them were staying at the hotel, but maybe my SIL gave them the key to his room. All I remember is that they suddenly appeared at the cocktail hour in different gowns.
P.S. How do you get the @“name” to turn blue? It’s not working for me!
^^ For some reason the @ is not working right now. Saw it mentioned in the “fix it please” thread. 
It still notified me even if the @ thing isn’t highlighting in blue.
My nephew’s wedding is next month and we rsvped immediately. We’re visiting S and DIL and noticed they still hadn’t mailed their response. S’s response was that they still had time. When I pointed out that they wanted the responses by next week, he said, “As long as it’s postmarked by the due date they were fine.” What?!! I had to remind him this isn’t a college application or tax return.
I obviously failed to teach him proper RSVP etiquette.
Part I
Updating on my D’s wedding, which was in Florence Italy, June 29. (Bride and groom, both Americans, have lived/worked in Italy for 5+ years, so not a destination wedding for them). The ceremony was at Santi Apostoli Church, one of the oldest in Florence. The reception, with 120 guests, (half family/friends/wedding party members from USA) was at Villa Monte Verdi, toward the outskirts of town. Groom’s family hosted a Friday evening drinks/appetizers reception at B&Gs workplace.
Positives: Big picture–It all went off very well. Many guests (very international crowd from their workplace) said it was the best wedding they’d ever attended. Beautiful ceremony, excellent food, rustic yet elegant venue, lively/interesting guests, fun dancing, etc.
Not so positives:
It was HOT–in the 100s all week. Cooled down to 97 the day of the ceremony. Church not air conditioned, reception outdoors. Not as horrible as I had anticipated–it was not humid. Old stone church was somewhat cool inside, Villa on a hill, somewhat breezy, and fine after sunset.
Bride and groom planned most of the event. Both are artists and not practical/detail people. (I offered to help D with a lot of things, but she said she would do them. Did not communicate much/keep in touch with me. She is a procrastinater, and was busy/working/stressed so there were some things that didn’t get done. ) Many behind-the-scenes glitches–including multiple delays on the invitations–delay finishing custom artwork, (procrastination by bride/groom) which had to be redone, problems printing addresses on envelopes, order short 50 invitations when I finally received it. And those 50 I sent to D at her workplace to hand deliver to their local guests got lost in the mail --made it to Florence, out for delivery twice, said “addressee moved.” (Address correct/Workplace did not move.) Instead of me spending $$ to reprint/overnight more invitations, D emailed her local friends a photo of the invite. I reported package lost, filed a claim. Just today got a text that package is in NY! (I don’t know if it is on its way back to me in midwest or back to Florence.)
D wanted no wedding party to simplify/cut expenses/avoid choosing between her friends. But groom wanted a big wedding party as he has many life-long friends and had been in their weddings. So just a few months before the wedding, D asked her 3 sisters and 6 of her friends to be bridesmaids. She picked a bunch of dresses for them to choose from. I didn’t like the dresses/colors --long gowns in dark burgundy, beige, quartz, dusty rose–seemed more like fall/winter colors–but they did look nice in the photos. Ended up with 2 of each/3 burgundy. Youngest sister’s custom-sized dress did not fit (she is a gymnast with disproportionately big shoulders/back, flat chest). I struggled to make it work, but in the end ordered a girl’s extra large dress, similar style, same color, but different dye lot. Not quite matching.
Groom’s custom suit was made in the wrong color–white instead of light brown. (clerk put wrong code number in order form). Dying the suit didn’t work, so it had to be remade with no time to spare. D was very picky about colors and wanted our family members who were not in the wedding party (mom, dad, two of her brothers) to coordinate. So the 3 guys got new light brown suits. I wore an off shoulder gown with quartz bottom, ivory/floral top. Apparently the groom gave his men no instructions because although they were supposed to wear brown/beige, not one did! They had blue gray, light gray, dark gray, one very light champagne–making that guy match the bride–and the groom’s brother/best man wore a green jacket with khakis! Kinda weird in the photos, but not horrible.
One groomsman was unable to attend because his dad died a few days before the wedding. So we had the two youngest bridesmaids walk in and out with one guy. Another odd thing–my two sons are in all of the wedding party/groomsmen photos. Italian photographer ushered them in–they looked like they were groomsmen. They couldn’t argue. (One was a reader, the other an altar server. Either could’ve substituted for the missing groomsman, but no one thought of that.) When they were leaving the church, the groomsmen went out “backwards,” so everyone had different parters than the ones they came in with–they had carefully matched by height at the rehearsal.
At the reception, the groom’s family and friends and even the groom himself gave a lot of long, emotional speeches-- most of them were crying into the microphone. A few funny stories. There were about 10 of these! I had never seen this before. (Anyone in CC land do this? The groom’s family/friends are southerners.) It was touching, but too much, too long, imo. (The groom’s mother died 9 years ago, so that was part of all the tears). It must have seemed like we didn’t care about D, because no one spoke for her–except for a brief host’s welcome by H, and a short toast by the maid of honor. My sister-in-law, who was a bit tipsy, felt obliged to briefly cry into the mike about all OUR family members who couldn’t be there, but wished B&G well. Sort of embarrassing, but fine, really.
Sorry this is so long. There will be a Part II…
D1 only had few people speak at the reception. All speeches were vetted out by her best friend first - no embarrassing jokes. Speakers were asked not to drink too much until after their speech. D1 did that (because that’s how she is) because we saw some drunken rambling speeches at my nephew’s wedding. Of course, there was no impromtu speech at the wedding.
Only speaking at our DDs wedding was done by the best man and MOH. Both gave very nice and not too long speeches. DD knew the MOH would be good, and she really was. The best man was short but sweet. He was actually reluctant to give a speech at all…but he did a very nice toast.
No impromptu speaking at all. At one point, my MIL asked if she could talk…and she was politely told…NO.
@atomom, looking forward to part 2.
Sounds like it was a lovely, very Italian wedding!
I just checked our invite wording…
First names for Mr. and Mrs. Thumper request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter
Thumper Daughter
To Thumper SIL
Son of first names for Mr. and Mrs. Thumper SIL
Both sets of parents mentioned on the invite, but we were the hosts of the event.
Congratulations, @atomom! I can’t wait to hear Part II. I keep telling my D to expect some things to go wrong.
Last weekend was my nephew’s wedding on the U of Chicago campus. The couple met in college and really wanted to get married there. The chapel was beautiful but very hot, cocktails were outside, and the reception hall was air-conditioned but the old system was no match for the overheated crowd. I felt sorry for the caterer, who served grilled cheese sandwiches and little cups of tomato soup for a late snack. No one wanted anything warm at that point.
At older s’s wedding, the MOH (bride’s very pregnant sister) and Best Man (our other son) spoke at the wedding reception But there were a LOT of very entertaining stories told at the rehearsal dinner buffet that was open to everyone and attended by most all the wedding attendees. DH and Bride’s dad spoke, as did many, many of their friends. The stories were very funny and it was very enjoyable. I had a very funny story I could have told, but decided against it.
We were at a wedding recently where the maid of honor, best man, and both the mother and father of the bride and the groom spoke. It was fun at first to hear about each speaker’s individual relationship with the bride and groom. However, 6 speeches in a row is a lot to sit through. The bride is very accomplished (as is the groom) and her mother chose to highlight her daughter’s academic career. 300 guests heard about when the bride learned to read and we even heard her SAT scores. It was a bit much.
Part II
D’s wedding in Florence, Italy, continued.
More about the reception. Although we wanted to provide transportation from church to reception, we couldn’t find any good options. So people either took a tram (which involved not-so-short walks in the heat on both ends) or taxis. (No Uber there). The last tram was at 2am, and we, as the hosts, were the last to leave. We, along with some of the guests, missed the last tram and walked quite far (in heels) and waited a long time to get a taxis. That was a pain. Got to bed at 4am!
The food was the best part. Delicious and plentiful appetizers, wine, champagne, signature cocktails starting at 5:30. Multi-course dinner-- which was not rushed–about 7:30. I regret not taking photos of the food! Tables were set up on the lawn, everyone had his/her place–so sitting or standing during cocktails.
Cake cutting with Italian wedding cake (more like a pastry with cream inside/berries on top). Best coffee. Champagne toast (plus all the speeches…) First dance was on the patio (Otis Redding “You Send Me”), then Father/Daughter dance. (The classic retro-cheesy “Daddy’s Little Girl”–going for funny, not teary.) Then the dancing moved indoors ( I wish it had stayed on the patio where it was cooler). There was an open bar after dinner.
Tbh, I hated the music. The DJ just played what he wanted–ignoring the playlist. All loud pop/rock dance music. Not a single slow dance. Nothing for the older crowd/different tastes. No waltzes, no polkas, no variety, no country music. No “silly” group dances like YMCA or Macarena, which younger kids like. Young adults were dancing, drinking, having a great time, though. It just seemed more like a random party than a wedding.
We stayed in an Airbnb apartment not far from the church. Fantastic, crazy place–full of the owner’s art collection, dozens of giant nude statues, paintings, frescos, huge chandelier, etc., and best of all, air-conditioned! All the bridesmaids dropped off/steamed their dresses there on Friday.
We (my sons and I) made all the party favors Thurs. morning. Bride was supposed to be getting the placecards printed, to attach to the favors which had to be taken to the reception venue Fri. afternoon. but there was a problem with the printer and D had to handwrite all the cards in the last hour. Bride very stressed. Didn’t have time to make a program for the ceremony–which I had offered to do, along with the placecards, at home. She refused my help. Meanwhile, some of the bridesmaids and their boyfriends set up an assembly line and miraculously applied wax seals to all the favors (a process I had already determined was unnecessary and impossible in the time we had left. D had a nice picture of what she wanted the favors to look like, but no realistic concept of steps/time required to complete the task.
We (bride, MOH, friend, and I) made all the boutinierres and corsages Thurs. evening. (Another glitch, guy who was supposed to drive bulk flowers to our apartment Thurs. failed to show up, so H and S met bride at florist and they carried them back to our place in 103 degree heat.)
Friday evening I made all 13 bouquets. (9 maids, two flower girls, bride, and toss-away). The day of the wedding, all the bridesmaids came to our place to do their hair and makeup. D had forgotten to bring her gown there, so she rode across town on her bike with her gown stuffed in her backpack the morning of the wedding. She was so hot, stressed and exhausted that she had to take a nap in my bed before joining the hair/makeup group.
One funny memory–parading down the street from our apartment to the church–Quite a spectacle with bride, 9 bridesmaids, parents, brothers. Tourists were taking photos/videos of us!
Another strange thing–When he was in France about 2 months before the wedding, H impulsively invited the 26yo D of an acquaintance to come to the wedding and stay in our apartment/spend the week with us. And she unexpectedly and impulsively accepted! I was so furious with H, and weirded out by having a total stranger with our family during this intimate and stressful time. But I thought it would be rude to take back the invitation. Anyway, this young lady turned out to be remarkably entertaining, energetic, cheerful, interesting, intelligent, etc. (I wish I could say more about her unusual background, but I’m afraid she could be identified). We all really enjoyed her company. She even caught the bouquet. (Maybe we’ll be invited to her wedding?
Getting into Part III here…
About the cost of all this, (I am always curious about this, so I will share) we paid for the entire reception–rental of venue, catering, drinks, bar --which was about 12.5K total. Flowers for reception tables/wedding party/parents about $800. Favors $150. Invitations about $400. Use of church $275. Priest’s stipend and travel expenses around $600. Bride paid for her own dress, which was $850. Our family’s dress clothes–including 3 bridesmaids–about 1K. Church musicians $55 (groom’s family didn’t pay correct amount, so bride frantically asked us for another 50E right after the ceremony). The groom’s family paid for the Friday welcome party. Said they will pay us back for the after dinner bar, 1.1K? They also paid for the photographer–about 1K? 1.5? The DJ $500, and church musicians $300. They said they would contribute 5K in addition to the Friday event, so maybe they will reimburse us for about 3k toward the reception? Our original budget we gave D for the wedding was 10K. Our travel expenses–all those plane tickets and renting the apartment–more than double that. After (if?) the groom’s family reimburses us, we will be around $24-25K. We probably would’ve spent 20K in the USA, but would have had a lot more guests.
Haven’t seen anyone do YMCA or the Macarena (or the Chicken dance) since the boys’ bar mitzvahs!! ???♀️?♂️???
Chicken dance was vetoed, but we usually have kids of all ages at weddings, so we want it to be fun for all. But those types of group dances aside…how would you feel about not a single slow dance? We tried to represent the different cultures on the play list. Yet he didn’t play a single country song or even one polka. Nothing romantic, oldies, Sinatra? None of that.
@atomom - Sounds like you saved the day on multiple occasions. Your D was lucky to have you!
Your budget sounds like it stretched longer in Italy than it would have here. The meal sounds fabulous!
@atomom sounds like a beautiful event and a very exciting time for all! Maybe we’ll see your family in some of those tourist photos
D didn’t have slow dances at her wedding (or chicken dance … or Macarena). They had lots of songs that kids in their late 20’s to mid-30’s like, judging by the fact that they were all having a blast on the dance floor. Arabic dance music was mixed in for his family & friends. Everyone had a blast trying to do those dances (“Do like a windshield wiper with your hands”).