I can not remember the wording of my D’s invitations, either to the wedding last December or to the reception a couple of weeks ago.
I honestly didn’t care. Everyone knows who raised them to be the people they are. It was their day and should be the way they want.
I would have pointed out the chair issue if necessary, because I think that uncomfortable people who wanted to sit and couldn’t would have made the day different than what D envisioned. I would then have let her make the final decision.
And, in the end, I was worried about different things in the days leading up to the wedding… like where to have it!
I mentioned the chair issue upthread. My D thinks fewer chairs in the barn will mean more people dancing. I think it will mean more people leaving early.
^^^ I agree. As an introvert, I need a comfort place - and that is not standing and mingling and if I don’t know a lot of people there it’s not on the dance floor!!!
Lack of seating is my least favorite part of lots of weddings. Frankly, most weddings around here, even very formal, use heavy appetizer stations feather than sit down dinner and therefore only have random seating. It’s not just the elderly that have problems standing. Rushed to claim a table that rotating family used the entire time. Did have a number of standing tables which help with how to hold food and drink, but again it’s standing…
My favorite weddings not only had more seating but some was away from band which is always too loud?
@toledo . You are right: lack of seating means people will leave early. How can you hold a plate and a drink, and actually be able to eat if you are standing? High top tables still mean you are standing and are rarely large enough to accommodate more than 4 people. Plus, weddings bring extended families together and that means sitting around and talking. Not everyone wants to dance.
The recent weddings we attended/viewed on FB had adequate seating, but the trend is there. Honestly, how many young (or older) people want to stand around for 4 hours? It’s inconsiderate and tiring.
D1’s venue is set up so that the dance floor is to the side of the main dining area and there is an outdoor patio with many chairs and a stone hedge to sit on.
Oh no; I never heard of the musical chairs approach! As MOG I’m being mostly excluded from the decisions (despite an original plan by DS and DFDIL to have an egalitarian planning process for both families, and despite $$ involvement).
They better have a chair for each person wearing uncomfortable shoes, at least.
However - I had total freedom to pick my own dress, which is what I really wanted.
My opinion, people that want to dance, will. And those who don’t, won’t.
We had seat for everyone at S’s wedding. And plenty of dancers.
I personally thought that the photo booth got people up to do that and then once they were up, they also danced. Or visited other tables. I don’t remember a lack of dancing. That’s what weddings are about, doing things you wouldn’t do otherwise.
I don’t like a lack of tables to sit and would leave early. One can only wear heels so long. And I need a place for my clutch and drink.
As an aside, it’s common at my college’s reunions. As 1/2 of the 40 yr reunion committee, we shot that down. The college proposed high-tops, heavy appetizer stations, a few chairs against the wall. We countered with “your alumni are 62, and traveling from all over the country. The will be hungry and tired, looking to enjoy a full meal or dinner buffet, and certainly not interested in standing at a 4-person table while eating.” We got what we wanted: a chair for everyone and tables that sat 8-9, plus an excellent buffet dinner. Of course, that encouraged people to linger, and they had to ask us to wrap it up and leave.
Since our seating issue is the cocktail hour, I just want a spot to retreat to, whenever I feel like it. I have no issue taking a chair near strangers, but I think offering “enough” seating is thoughtful.
Part of me still hold to a wedding being a solemn event (at least, initially,) not just a party. Fun is fine, but give a person a place to land. And heaven help, if someone gets tipsy.
For the cocktail hour, I have no problem with limited seating, but there should be some chairs out. My daughter’s cocktail hour between the ceremony and dinner was outside in a courtyard. I requested several chairs be place around the area for those needing to sit; again, especially the grandparents. The venue told me they wouldn’t place chairs in advance, but if someone needed one, we could ask the wait staff to get one. What cocktail hour have you been to that the wait staff was easily available? I told then in no uncertain terms that there would be chairs available prior to guest arrival; I think they had 4 or 5 out which happened to be enough.
Oh, and as far as not having enough seats for each guest, I have attending weddings were plenty of the young adults were sitting around a table catching up with each other; they didn’t spend the entire night on the dance floor. I hate the rushing to claim a seat so I am not stuck standing the entire evening.
Not only did my D give her FMIL & me total control over what we wanted to wear … but the groom’s mom wore TWO beautiful gowns (as did her sisters). Good thing I am not clothing-competitive, because it was enough for me to find one dress I liked (and comfortable shoes with heels just the right height - otherwise the dress would have been too short)!
Back to the question of how to handle the money if you are paying for the event(s), after reading @snowball ‘s experience several years ago with giving the $ to the kids for the evening welcome party event for/after the rehearsal dinner and then wanting to augment what the bride/groom chose to serve at that event, we chose to give the $ to the bride/groom for the wedding (gave up to a certain amount, and I believe they stayed under budget, but if not, they would cover the difference) BUT we handled paying the restaurants/vendors, bar directly for the Friday night dinner and welcome party. They discussed the location choices with us, and they wanted an informal rehearsal dinner (attended by about 30, IIRC) followed by an “open to all” welcome party (we had almost 100 people attending that). Once they picked the locations (they were at 2 different facilities, but very close together) I handled the logistics with the 2 locations and paid them directly. All had dessert brought in from another facility (recommended by the place we held the rehearsal dinner) and it all worked out well. This way we didn’t worry about giving the $ up front and then feeling we needed to pay more for extra food or whatever. Thanks for that tip, @snowball.
Yes, we did the same thing. S1: fixed $$ for wedding, then we covered the rehearsal dinner and paid the restaurant directly. For D2: fixed $$ for wedding, in-laws are hosting the rehearsal dinner at father’s home (totally catered, tent, rental tables/chairs), we are hosting the Sunday brunch at the block hotel and paying that directly.
Ooh, forgot about the Sunday breakfast/brunch. Had to talk the bride and groom into that, and they were not initially going to do that (or they were going to do something very minimal, I forget) but they did a very nice brunch at the hotel (which was close to the airport and convenient for guests to eat and then head out) and covered the cost with the $ we gave them for the event. As a holiday gift to them, we got them a wedding planner (well, we told them that was the gift, they found the planner and DS negotiated a reasonable price). We paid her directly. She had good ideas and kept them on track. It was money well spent.
I’m really looking forward to joining this thread. DS is shopping for a ring so it should be official before too long. I know I’ll need the collective wisdom of this group for many things, including my dress. I hope I have a year to find something!
@juniebug, many years ago, when I was one of the “young people,” a friend’s caterer persuaded her not to have seating for everyone on the theory that people who flow around somehow and it would be more of a party. This was a small wedding, BTW, what actually happened was that the older people grabbed all of the seats at tables immediately, and refused to share them with anyone else, whether they were sitting there at the moment or not. We–the brides’s friends–eventually found some upturned plant pots in another “room” area away from the buffet and music that some of us could sit on so that we could eat. Or maybe we actually turned the post over, I don’t recall: the venue was a conservatory.To make things worse, the main course was carved roast beef, and very few of us are able to eat that easily while standing up and holding one’s plate! Tell them to have enough chairs!
I told then in no uncertain terms that there would be chairs available prior to guest arrival; I think they had 4 or 5 out which happened to be enough.