Regarding gifts/no gifts, my daughter was reluctant to make a registry, but many relatives in the States who were not attending the wedding still wanted to give gifts. There were no showers or other parties before the wedding. I convinced D that since she and her H would be moving back to the States with nothing, they would truly need those pots/pans/dishes/sheets/towels–all the traditional wedding gifts that people wanted to give. They made a practical and modest registry–and received almost every item on it (which was all shipped to groom’s parents’ house in the city where they are settling). So now they have the essentials to set up their apartment when they return. D wrote a polite note at the top of the registry which said that they realized many people had traveled long distance at great expense to attend the wedding, which was gift enough. So they were not expecting gifts. But suggestions for those who still did want to give a gift were in the registry. (I’ve seen some very over-the-top registries–I thought D’s was just right. Quality items in neutral colors, variety of prices, but many in the $10 to $100 range, just the necessities.)
According to The Knot, the average wedding cost is $33,391.
We were dealt a serious blow this week, when my MIL passed away, 10 days before the wedding. H and SIL decided to wait on a funeral, as everyone is in wedding mode. If it were up to me, I think I’d have the funeral first. We are going to try and incorporate something into the wedding ceremony. Any advice appreciated.
I’m so sorry @toledo. My D’s good friend is getting married on Saturday and his father passed away earlier this week. They had the funeral immediately but will apparently sit shiva after the wedding…the groom just wants everyone to come and celebrate as best they can.
I’m so sorry @toledo!
I’ve seen some lovely ways to remember loved ones at weddings but some can be very emotional which might be hard with the timing so close.
You could have a special floral arrangement on the altar in memory of your mil, keep a reserved seat for her with a nice photo, put a note in the program (if they aren’t already printed), etc…
@toledo Condolences on the loss of your MIL. Momofsenior1 had some lovely ideas. Perhaps the officiant of the ceremony might incorporate something into the wedding ceremony. I have also seen some tiny picture frames that can be attached to the bridal bouquet. Something along this line might also be a way to remember your MIL.
@toledo my dad died the Monday before my niece’s Saturday wedding. His funeral was held Sunday afternoon after the post-wedding brunch. Everyone was totally exhausted. Not my decision and not sure there was any good solution but don’t think that was the best outcome. Sending condolences.
@toledo I’m so sorry you’re dealing not only but the death of your MIL but the timing and emotions everyone must have. The wedding will hopefully be the celebration of life that we all need to appreciate in the moment.
Toledo I m so sorry, that is terrible. Mom of senior advice seemed nice. I agree that the wedding can be a happy moment around grief.
@toledo , I am so sorry. I think I would have had the funeral before the wedding too. I like the idea of incorporating your MIL’s memory into the ceremony.
@toledo, my D said the wedding last night was beautiful. The rabbi spoke of the groom’s late father (who had a large hand in planning the wedding, apparently) in the ceremony in a beautiful and meaningful way. His older brother and his mother walked him down the aisle. I’m sure the evening was full of mixed emotions for the family and their friends, but she said it was really special. Perhaps your officiant can find a way to include the memory of your MIL in the ceremony itself.
The wedding is over…and it was splendid! D1 and SIL had a beautiful day for their outdoor ceremony (upper 70s, sunny, 50% humidity, light wind). We had finished up most of our “week of” stuff and though I had taken off Thursday, we basically just sat around waiting for Friday’s rehearsal.
Only last minute glitches were lack of microphone for the ceremony (officiant thought venue supplied, venue only provided electricity). Quick call to the DJ company, and resolved. Other was photographer didn’t like the time line and wanted 2 hours for pix between ceremony and cocktail hour. No, not happening: welcome board already printed, and we can be very efficient with guest dismissal ( 18 minutes for 160 guests) and family photos to give you 40 mins for B/G and attendants. B and G did not want a first look. It would have made the photos easier, but their choice.
Hair and makeup went much quicker than expected, so we sat around at the venue and ate lunch. We had to work around my 11 month old granddaughter’s schedule, so groomsmen pictures were taken first, S1 went to the hotel to get her and the other grandparents (who would care for her). She was adorable and so good during the wedding. DIL walked the aisle holding her, then we had her stroller between the grandmas in the first row. After 15 mins, she wanted out so I had a blanket in the corner for her to play on. Ceremony lasted 30 mins and DIL carried her out. I didn’t realize how much I was going to supervise her, that left a lot less time to greet our friends. But as one young friend said, no problem, you were running the show!
The flowers were drop dead gorgeous, such variety, and lovely scents. Cupcakes very fresh and delivery lady set up the entire dessert table. The officiant was ethereal, flowy, and delivered a ceremony just like B and G had hoped. Modern, personal, not religious. Neither D or SIL wanted to be given away, so she created a short paragraph stating how each guest had been involved in the journey to this wedding and would they continue to support the two now as a married couple and if so, answer We Will. And she ended the ceremony with: B you may kiss your G. I really enjoyed it. Only glitch here: the microphone was scratchy and squealing. DJ guy told me later he was terribly embarrassed and we would be refunded. (Turns out H had him as a student many years ago…). Videography team and photographers very unobtrusive.
The reception was beautiful. The venue was very elegant (D rented their silver Chiavari chairs), centerpieces stunning. Guest gift was a small box of genuine Mackinac Island fudge at each place setting, none left. Everything flowed well, food excellent, service spotty (no water refills, coffee cups on tables, but pots on beverage table). Moved to cutting cupcakes, then to dancing. DJ did a terrific job—people danced for 3.5 hours, floor never empty. He had songs to appeal to all ages. Photo booth popular, filled a scrapbook provided by the company. Ended the evening with Sweet Caroline (a big traditional song for swimmers and their parents) that got all the remaining guests out, a final dance for D and SIL encircled by the guests, than a huge group hug (another swim tradition). A very nice ending and send-off.
Not really a problem, but D and I are super organized, and we had all the details of the day down. Our day-of wedding coordinator (provided by the venue) was not the one we had worked with most, and she was less than impressive (even though she’s done this for 20 years.) D gave her written timelines and special requests for both days. She was stressing out D and SIL before things even started. I found that some tasks were just easier for me to do. When we were supposed to start lining up, she was just standing around so I told her 4.25, let’s get the groom’s parents seated and get the bridal party moving. And additional little things throughout the afternoon and evening that had been missed. She was not supervising her servers at all. By the end, she wasn’t that happy to see me approach…oh, well.
Overall, it was a very special day! Everything was magical, our guests enjoyed a wonderful wedding and D and SIL were glowing with love!
^^The weather - and so much more - sounds perfect!! Congrats!
Sounds like a wonderful day, @dentmom4. I especially loved your description of such a personalized ceremony.
@dentmom4 sounds like a terrific wedding weekend! Congratulations!
I met the officiant 25 years ago when our sons swam on an age group team. We lost touch probably 15 years ago when she moved. Her name came up as a preferred vendor for our venue (though she hasn’t done many weddings there) and it was the one we knew. She was perfect—D and SIL really connected with her and liked the way she created their personal ceremony. The way she wove their story made the guests feel she had known them for years.
She bills herself as a certified life-cycle celebrant, a mystic, an interfaith minister. She worked as a creative writing consultant when we met. Her website states simply: Yes, I will marry you. All you need is love.
Congrats to you, @dentmom4 and to the newlyweds! That’s a blast of a wedding. Well done.
Congrats! Sounds like a beautiful wedding and a fun reception.
Congrats. It sounds lovely
Sorry you had to be a manager rather than just a guest. I too am a detail person. The bride and MOB don’t seem to be. I like the personal touches you had, like the officiant. Too bad the wedding coordinator wasn’t up to snuff, and kind of got in the way. But the weather was good, and I suspect the food was, so all is well.
Sounds like a wonderful wedding. Congratulations.
Congrats, @dentmom4 ! The wedding sounds wonderful despite the wedding coordinator.