Well, I personally think that weddings that are all about the bride are wrong anyway. That’s where you get bridezillas. To me, weddings are about 2 families so I guess we disagree here, @Marian. I’m going to trust that the father would not have done it without knowing that the stepfather played an important role in the bride’s life.
Yes, @doschicos, we’ll agree to disagree. To me, weddings are about the bride and groom.
Phew. Done. Both kids now married off, and I gained some nice inlaws in the process. DS’s wedding was at a local vineyard, and went off beautifully. This year the weather cooperated and rehearsal dinner at my house was well attended and yummy. It is such a lovely feeling that it all went well and everyone enjoyed the event! DS and wife headed home and then to honeymoon.
Congrats, @anxiousmom. I’m happy for you that all went well. It must be a comforting feeling knowing both your children have met and are settled with their life partners. Nice in-laws are a real bonus!
@anxiousmom - Congratulations!! I’m happy to hear that the wedding went off well and the rehearsal dinner too. Time to relax!
Yes! But still dealing with some hurt feelings from old family friends who were not invited. :-(. I left the wedding invite list up to the bride and groom; they invited mutual friends and family and so there were old friends who were not invited. The size of the place and the cost of it all made for some limitations and I think they did what was best for them. In retrospect, I wish I had asked DS to invite them - and I wish that there weren’t hurt feelings…
@anxiousmom, I truly had no idea how hard it would be to make the guest list. We have had input but due to a wide circle of friends, there will be people left out. There were so many unknowns since finance’s relatives live a long drive away and we didn’t know how many would come. Once we got definite no’s from them, we added friends, but it was tricky explaining that they really weren’t on the B list, we just had to invite family first. Three weeks out, and there are still people that haven’t responded!
H and my wedding was all about parents’ friends/business contacts, a few of our friends, a lot of family on H’s side.
DD’s and FSIL’s wedding will be shaped around their list and close family on both sides, a few friends from us as we are pretty geographically close to wedding site, perhaps a few friends from FSIL’s parents.
Old family friends not invited - I imagine you have tried to explain constraints in general terms.
It is what it is. There are always going to be someone that is unhappy. Try not to let it cloud things.
FMIL was in a panic when she had forgotten a person from ladies’ monthly bridge - we had extra invitations and no problem ‘covering’ the faux pas (all the other ladies and their spouses were invited). It turns out that years later, MIL found out some of the viperous nature of at least one of these ladies; as soon as MIL retired, she joined a daytime bridge group of friendlier ladies…
I know I am really old fashioned, but I think of weddings as a family event. The whole purpose of a marriage is to have society present in order to recognize a legal, social and community joining of two people into one unit. Attendees are more important than venues. I think the people the families want to celebrate with should be counted first, then choose a venue where you can accommodate and afford to have those people attend. The idea of choosing the venue first, then not inviting certain people because they don’ fit just strikes me as backwards.
But on the other hand, my daughter isn’t engaged yet, so who knows what will happpen!
@hayden it’s all about the money. In a perfect world yes everyone would be invited, but it’s not perfect.
Also my kids are in their later 20’s. It’s not about me, it’s about them and the people they want there.
My mom and my mil have asked if certain people are being invited. The kids don’t even know them.
Neither H nor I knew many of those who were invited and attended our wedding. They were friends of my folks or his folks and paid for accordingly. Fortunately, our venue was a large as needed and the folks who invited were able and happy to pay for their guests. We put a # inconspicuously on the back of each invitation, so we could keep track of who responded and who didn’t and we called each and every person who didn’t respond to get a firm answer. H’s extended family had one couple who was invited write that they were bringing 10 people (not 2). His folks grumbled but paid for all of them to come–the 10 of them gave some $20 gift! Neither H nor I knew any of those 10 people–distant relatives on his side.
I disagree.
In the early 1950s, when society’s rules dictated that the bride’s family must pay for the wedding and that all other possibilities were unacceptable, a young couple decided to elope. They did this because the bride’s only family was her widowed mother, who was living on a small fixed income. The bride and groom knew that it would be a hardship for the bride’s mother to pay for even the simplest wedding. So they made arrangements for a clergyman to marry them privately, and they didn’t tell anyone until afterward.
The young people I’m talking about were my parents.
In my opinion, my parents were just as properly married as a couple who said their vows in front of hundreds of people. And I respect the choice they made and their reason for making it.
There was an article in our travel section last week about travel agents putting together “elopement” packages for couples who want to opt out of elaborate wedding planning. You get a weekend at a nice hotel or spa and a simple church or civil wedding, complete with officiant and a witness, if you need one.
I have been wondering when/whether to join this thread. My son is engaged and has a September 2, 2017 date. My daughter and her boyfriend appear to be in active negotiations – both 30 now, involved exclusively for three years, and living together since the summer without wanting to bail. That is unlikely to be a 2017 wedding, though; I suspect she has her eye on spring 2018.
My son is marrying a first-generation woman with traditional South Asian parents, and we are a little at sea about what is expected of us in the process. They have been saving for her wedding since she was born, and seem to regard a wedding with fewer than 300 guests as something that would reflect shame on their family forever. They were initially somewhat taken aback as they realized their daughter was seriously involved with someone they would not have considered an appropriate match, but they seem to have reconciled themselves to the idea, and they could not have been nicer or more welcoming to us. Our son did a lot to make them feel regarded in the process, including lots of general sucking up (something he’s good at), obtaining their consent in advance, and checking with their family astrologer on an appropriate date to make his proposal. He knew that would be the mother’s first call after she heard from her daughter that he had proposed (and she had accepted), so he made certain the astrologer would tell her it was a super-propitious day.
The whole process of finalizing the engagement took so long we were completely sick of it by the time it actually happened. It was more than six months from the time he told us he was planning to propose – which was hardly news to us, it was clear that he was thinking that way a year or more before – to the day when the engagement became official.
The son of my cousin did this : http://www.timberlinelodge.com/weddings/fireside-elopement-package/
The couple was having a hard time finding time to plan for a big to-do and just wanted to be married. They sent invitations to close family and friends. I think I heard there were about 30 guests. Some locals drove home (it was a summer day, still light after dinner). Most booked their own rooms at the lodge or nearby.
Seemed perfect for them.
Congrats, @JHS on your son’s engagement and for raising a thoughtful son!
I’ve officiated at several weddings–some they wanted to be non-denominational and some were more similar to an elopement. I feel whatever makes the couple happy is good, tho it is nice when they can take feelings of parents into account.
I remember one couple that had me marry them on the beach. Groom’a mom was annoyed that they didn’t wait until she was in town after she had waited so many years for them to finally marry. I thought that was rather thoughtless of the groom, but I don’t know him or the family dynamics well.
I’ve been busy lately with my HS senior and junior, but it’s nice to take a “wedding talk” break.
My D and FSIL were wishy-washy for a bit on whether they were “really” engaged. They’ve been planning on getting married for at least a couple of years (together for six), but then they decided to move things a bit more rapidly. D’s Granddad is a minister and has married all of his children and grandchildren so far and of course it means a lot to D that he marry them as well. He’s 80 and has nothing serious wrong, but there are a few health issues. However, FSIL wanted to do a meaningful non-rushed proposal, so we were looking at wedding venues, photographers, etc. before they were “officially” engaged and D felt a little odd calling him her fiance. Luckily it didn’t take too long for FSIL to propose (on the hiking trail where they first met doing volunteer trail maintenance.) One of D’s closest friends went along to take photos and I just love the proposal pics.
They actually both have engagement rings, both amethyst as they share that birthstone. They’re pretty cheap rings (I think total of about $80 on Amazon!) and they may replace them eventually (not with diamonds though). My engagement ring was generously gifted to H and me by my aunt (who never had children of her own). I still remember she apologized that the diamond had a flaw, but we assured it looked perfect to us and I loved it. Unfortunately it was stolen several years ago, which still makes me sad.
@doschicos, that’s a cool list; I’ll share with D. After my wedding, I was changing into my “post-wedding” outfit and when my Mom noticed, she said “No, no, put the wedding dress back on!” I was a little confused, but did so. Mom led me out front where everyone had gathered and there was a horse and carriage awaiting H and me! That was a really special surprise.
@anxiousmom, congrats and glad everything went so well. Please don’t waste one more moment worrying about hurt feelings. These things are going to happen at every wedding. We’ve already annoyed one cousin and the invitations aren’t even close to being out. Honestly, if someone is going to sit around feeling hurt because of one (real or perceived) snub, they need to work out some issues and not take it out on others.
@JHS, glad you’ve joined! IMO they’ve picked a very auspicious date, since H and I were married Sep 2. (Still going after 27 years for what it’s worth). It sounds like you and your son are facing some unusual challenges, but looks like he’s up to it so far. Here’s hoping things will proceed as smoothly as possible.
Wedding flowers.
DD’s wedding is less than two weeks away and today we spoke with the florist. My daughter had read online about using the florist at the grocery store (Shop Rite). We have a nice fairly new grocery store in town so we spoke with the manager (she will be the one actually making the bouquets) and had a lovely and productive conversation. Their pricing was terrific. She has been in the business for a few decades and flowers are her passion so I feel that we have given this job to someone who is very knowledgeable and capable. And we saved quite a bit of money also. We will need to pick up the flowers from the store on the day of the wedding, but it is five minutes from our house, so that’s not a problem at all.
I thought I’d mention it in case anyone is looking for another alternative for flowers for the wedding.
Re: wedding flowers… my D was going to do Costco, but ultimately decided not to, as it is a destination wedding for all of us and she had concerns about where to keep flowers cool as they arrive two days before wedding. But definitely excellent pricing…with some add ons, she was estimating a flower budget under $900…with 17 in wedding party, and two sets of parents and grandparents; and minimal flowers on 25 tables…
http://www.costco.com/Simply-Elegant-Rose-Wedding-Collections.product.11044147.html
We used family friends to do our bouquets, boutonnieres, floral headbands, arrangements, etc. The flowers were mostly donated and very lovely, including white dendrobian orchids like in my mom’s wedding bouquet. The friends were highly skilled and had done many prior special events and weddings.