For those who are experiencing the agony of limiting your number of invites, I felt your pain with S’s wedding. However, in a year, you may likely wonder why it was a big deal as this is a common issue these days and I think many people are aware and forgiving. If it’s your first round of wedding anxiety/delight, I can tell you that it didn’t matter nearly as much to me with the second child when we faced the same constraints.
Thanks to all you nice folks who chimed in on how to notify my future SIL’s parents that we’d received their check contributing to the wedding. I read your suggestions to my d, who said she’d relay them to her fiancé and ask what his parents might like (now why didn’t I think of asking him?). Her thought was that a note would be best - we’ve already sent notes to each other in Christmas cards, and his mom apparently likes sending notes to people. 
I agree that the guest list is one of the big challenges. Think @2VU0609 is right that many people today are understanding about not receiving an invite. This is a big advantage of having my kids all get married where they live, not where we do. My husband would have felt obligated to invite his partners and their spouses, even though my kids would have no idea who they are.
Sorry to ask you folks to backtrack, but this thread is so long I haven’t read through it all. I was reading the various opinions of flowers, with many saying flowers aren’t required. My question is, if you don’t use flowers, what do the bride and bridesmaids carry down the aisle?
I’ve been speaking to friends who have recently dealt with weddings and the advice offered by @2VU0609 seems right on point with what they’ve been telling me. People understand that parents are limited in the number of guests they can have and will not be offended when they aren’t invited to the wedding. This is where my engagement party question originated - my friends would like to celebrate our son’s happiness, even though they know they won’t be able to attend the wedding. As for flowers, my future DIL seems to want traditional bouquets for herself and my daughter, at the the very least. Not sure about anyone else.
Sometimes, a nice 2nd reception, a few weeks or months after the wedding. After the stress, to congratulate and celebrate.
Several,years ago, my 2 closest g/f’s said they wouldn’t travel for a wedding. They encouraged me to have a local party. Ever since them , my head includes inviting the parents of son’s closest friends and my friends. The party could be after or before official wedding. This plan has given me relief.
@hayden - my daughter is one that isn’t using a florist, but her venue is outside, in the rolling hills of a wine valley, which will be green and in bloom in March. She will have something for her and her attendants to carry, but we will purchase them through a wholesaler and whip some bouquets together. She will be using dried lavender (which can be ordered weeks ahead of time) and possibly some succulents (or was it baby’s breath… I can’t remember). But no other floral arrangements will be needed due to the outdoor venue.
DD just emailed me the guest list; hers is not venue limited but budget limited. However DD and FSIL may want to spend some of their own money - talking to her hopefully tonight to see how they plan to have this work. She is getting her first professional paycheck in a few weeks, so I plan to send her the $$ we have budgeted (less what she has spent during her low income months since graduating college, which includes car and insurance costs we covered).
We have another DD, and what we spend on one’s wedding, we need to spend on the other. It may be quite a while for DD2, so we probably need to get the money into a account - which we can probably swing after she graduates college.
DD and her fiance’ are adults and can make adult decisions - keeping within whatever budget they set is up to them. We set what we can contribute.
@mom60 and @walkinghome, I think an outdoor wedding among the CA redwoods sounds spectacular! My D spent three weeks camping in the redwood forest near Mendocino for a Balkan camp celebrating their culture, music, and dance. It was amazing. Can you invite us to the wedding, @mom60? 
@twoinanddone, we looked at the Estes Park YMCA and the views are drop-dead gorgeous. But the road/trail to the ceremony sites is quite rustic and guests have to be shuttled. The “compound” is also huge and both times we went there were big noisy kid activities going on all over. (My kids have been in those big noisy groups in the past!) She ended up going with a small quiet place which will be completely dedicated to the wedding. It’s in a pretty meadow looking up at the mountains rather than down from the stunning peak views, but I think the pretty meadow area actually suits their style better.
@SOSConcern, I’m with you on sticking to the budget. A few times D has mentioned things she would really love to do or have. I tell her she can have what she wants but she has to decide on her priorities to make the budget work. I hope my second D’s wedding will be far off since she is only 18 and has never even dated!
Re California redwood weddings, I went to a wedding here and it was beyond fabulous. But I’m sure it cost a fortune-and-a-half:
Also, have they checked the venues in Yosemite? My sister had a morning-after brunch at the Ahwanee that was gorgeous and surprisingly reasonable for a barbecue-type lunch. Cocktails on the lawn and then sit down lunch in the semicircular glass room at the back of the hotel and I think they had the library, too. Really, really nice. Everyone loved it. I know they do ceremonies on the lawn.
My DS got married in the CA sequoias (redwoods). It was beautiful!!
@nottelling - they toured Nestldown. They loved it and would love to be married there if they could afford it.
Regarding flowers, my sister is now an expert on weddings, having married off 3 daughters. The last two have had sheaves of stock wrapped in wide ribbon with nicely dripping tails for the bride (white/cream) and the bridesmaids (gorgeous, subtle shades of pink, mauve, peach, etc). Really lovely, probably comparatively cost effective. The same thing could easily be done with tulips, delphinium, or any other flower that comes in a variety of shades. And although theirs were done by florists, this is the kind of thing that could be assembled by a moderately handy amateur. They aren’t intended to last long, but so what?
??? Sheaves of stock???
My DS’s wedding has simple flowers (his now wife and the family friend who did the flowers went to the city flower market to pick out the flowers for the bouquets.) Hers was also tied together with a ribbon. The small ones that I, her mom, the MOH and my other son’s gf carried were put into vases after the ceremony and doubled as table decorations.
Is there something bizarre about sheaves of stock that I am not aware of?
What are you referring to? Wheat??
I really like the loose, lacy look of stock. I think what you’ve described sounds great.
Can someone post a link to a photo. i have no idea what you are referring to (hence the question marks).
Here’s a link that came up when I searched for “wedding sheaves stock”
It has some lovely images suitable for a wedding.