@thumper, one of the venues our d looked at (a vineyard) wouldn’t promise to have the rehearsal the night before. The contract said they wouldn’t guarantee a rehearsal the day before the wedding due to “limited scheduling options.” Their policy was to have the coordinator call the couple 2 weeks before and offer available rehearsal dates. They seemed to push to schedule rehearsals for the day of the wedding.
I don’t know how many weddings they do because I doubt that many couples would go for that - scheduling the rehearsal dinner would be ridiculous just two weeks out.
@atomom, I don’t think it’s necessarily on the groom’s parents to provide alcohol at the reception. I have three daughters, and only one groom’s parents have offered (kind of insisted) on doing so. I think it might be a local custom.
And (hugs) re the mother-son dance, which I don’t think you have to do unless you or your son really wants to, whatever others may want or expect. Absolutely opt out of something that would make you so uncomfortable.
My D just sent out save-the-date’s for her July wedding using paperless post as well. She sent them to 101 people with a 100-person max at the venue. She has a B-list who are all local, so at least travel won’t be an issue. They are mostly all her dance friends since she prioritized mutual friends and her fiance is not inviting any non-mutual friends. She’s kind of hoping a number of the A-list “have to invite” family members will decline so she can invite more friends. There are seven great aunts/uncles she’s never even met.
@doschicos, that article was kind of crazy! Most of those “facebook weddings” came in at $5,000 - $10,000 or more when you include the receptions or “after parties.” Sure, that’s less than a typical wedding, but more than a truly small and simple wedding. I think couples should choose what works for them, but some of these brides came off very snooty toward those who have more typical weddings. Here’s the worst offender:
If you don’t want a mother-son dance, when the father-daughter one ends, your bridal party can flow onto the dance floor, encouraging others to join them. Just make sure whoever’s running the music and the mic knows the plan.
Bff’s FDIL asked her how she felt about two mom-son dances, one with the stepmother. Um, no.
Absolutely not. It is something that occasionally people OFFER to pay for as a way to contribute, when they want to identify a specific thing rather than just say “We’ll contribute $X.” Maybe for some people it is important to have an open bar, and the POB didn’t want to spring for it. But no way is it something you are “supposed” to do.
Wedding gifts should be shipped to the home of the couple OR to the home of the bride’s parents OR to wherever is most convenient for the couple. People are not expected to go pick up their presents at the store. They can be purchased anywhere. The B&G can register anywhere they like. All stores and vendors ship.
They can register with stores that have online links. (Assuming they find one that they feel is ethical.)
Many still feel gifts shouldn’t be brought to the reception venue.
And right, never heard alcohol is the responsibility of the groom’s side. I thought the more traditional, now outdated, split was the bride’s family pays for the wedding, the groom’s for the rehearsal dinner and, sometimes, the honeymoon. (Now that last one is def going to vary by region.)
I have always been taught that the groom’s family (that would be us, this time anyway) pays for: rehearsal dinner, flowers and liquor. In our case…not so much. Or should I say, much much more. And we gave the kids their honeymoon as well. I guess the feeling was/is who can pay does…
We have a large Persian Jewish population here. In their community the groom’s family pays for everything. Including the breakfast in the morning. After having gone to a few weddings…wow, great parties! Mr. Ellebud is a party pooper. He can’t make it past 2…in the morning.
For my D’s wedding, groom’s family just paid for rehearsal dinner. We offered to pay for some things for our son’s wedding but the bride’s family declined and we did the rehearsal dinner and hosted a breakfast at the hotel where we and most of our guests were staying.
Several of my friends said they paid for liquor and part of honeymoon. I never heard of it. Nevertheless I redeemed my miles to pay for 2 business class plane tickets for son and DIL.
My folks paid for their guests reception meal per head, my in laws paid for theirs, and H and I paid for everything else. No idea how things were split up with my folks and sibs for other weddings.
When our kids get married, we plan to offer each a lump sum that they can spend as they prefer–on wedding, honeymoon, housing or whatever. I don’t agree with bride’s family paying for x and groom’s family paying for y, especially if the costs are hugely different and/or the families can’t afford it. We have a S and a D and likely will offer each a similar sum.
If the groom pays for the reception alcohol and dj/band, that is a newer trend IMO, at least where I grew up. Here’s Emily Post, which is how I always remembered the breakdown, but I think these days there doesn’t need to be hard and fast rules. http://emilypost.com/advice/wedding-expenses-the-traditional-division/
I see ourselves handling things similarly to @HImom offering both are kids a similar amount, regardless of gender.
I typed up a response to tell you to pay what you want but it got deleted. You have your reasons and let your S know what you want to do (pay). Let him deal with the money matters. We have limited money here and gave our kids a debt free education. They make enough money and have no loan payments of which they are grateful. Give what your family can.
We are parents of a bride-to-be, and I just assumed that WE were responsible for the liquor at the reception! I’d love to be wrong about this, though – so for now, we’re getting alcohol in our budget.
I have heard of that “groom’s family pays for alcohol, flowers and honeymoon” but that will not be the case here. We offered to contribute to the cost of the wedding and our offer was gratefully declined. We then offered to host the rehearsal dinner and a brunch the next morning and that is what we will be doing. Bride is the only daughter and very close to her single mother. I think she (her mom) really wanted this to be her gift to her daughter and I know it will be an incredible evening. As for the STD numbers, @snoozn, there are no great aunts or uncles, and even second cousins who have relationships with the parents or grandparents did not make the list. The couple was emphatic that they have some sort of relationship with everyone who is invited. For sure, this is causing my H some angst since his niece will be married two months later and they are inviting members of the family I can’t identify after 38 years. In their case, the groom has a very small family, they’ve been together since they were 20 and 22 respectively, and their friend group are small.
Lol @Marian I’m 5’1" and the models are at least 5’7 or "8. Didn’t even notice the length! I like a dress that is a bit above the knee, it’s the most flattering on me and I’m convinced that my legs are my best feature
I think who pays for what is dependent on the situation. FSIL’s single Mom barely gets by and we would turn down any offer from her to contribute. They had been planning on waiting to get married when they could afford it, but decided to move it up due to declining health of H’s parents. She can’t imagine having anyone but her Granddad marry them. He has officiated at the wedding of every one of his married children and grandchildren.
The most recent weddings I’ve attended all had registries where you just selected and paid for the item, wrote a note, and it was automatically sent to whatever address the couple put in.
@deb922, I really like the lace A-line dress with all the lovely detailing.
Those are lovely dresses, even though I don’t own anything in lace. I try to avoid things that need dry cleaning, but I supposed I will have to see whether I make an exception when either of my kids marry. I also like dresses that hit around the knee–not too much above or below.
@deb922 - Nice dresses! I started a thread last summer about my search for a dress. I’m your height, but no longer consider myself thin. I was determined to find a dress with sleeves and ended up having to wait for the fall (daughter had a Thanksgiving wedding date) for nice long sleeved dresses to come out. With the temps in the 40’s, I was very glad for my dress with a jacket. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1880225-mother-of-the-bride-november-wedding-p1.html The dress I ended up wearing is in post #134 I ended up having it hemmed and taken in at the arms, even though it was a petite and fit better than any other dress I tried on.
Just went to a beautiful wedding and everything was perfect .
EXCEPT it was outside on the water and the wind was blowing (nice breeze) and the bride had a long veil…
So she changed sides with the groom (opposite her bridesmaids) so the veil would go with the wind.
It got twisted. She messed with it. Over and over. (she was missing her own wedding!)
The groomsman finally picked it up and wadded it to hold it still (to the horror of every woman there–the guys were clueless…)
If wind can be a factor–short veil or alternative. And stay with your bridesmaids who understand these things! (The best man did his best–good guy!)
Well, I didn’t read @atomom post about what she wants in a dress. Boy I didn’t find much for long dresses with sleeves for $200 and under. No black or champagne. That’s a big order!
I ordered a dress but it didn’t work out. I keep thinking I should wait but the wedding is in October and I want a short dress with sleeves. I keep thinking I’m finding dresses I like now but will I later? Probably actually, lol! Saying all that I might order the blue a line dress, I really like it for me!
