I wish I could see pictures of all the things that have been described.
DD’s wedding is in July. She has her save the dates out, and I have the last 28 to get out with my ‘annual’ mail. I have one person that lives overseas and I will email her to let her know it is coming - some people have to put in vacation requests/time off in January, and some even at the end of the year, nov/dec time frame.
A cousin is planning to get married - I think their wedding is going to get pushed out because they have not started anything with a priest yet, and Catholics require at least 6 months prep. They know the date of our wedding, and it will definitely be in a different month.
On venue tight numbers, or budget tight numbers, agree that if you over-invite, that is a problem. Sometimes a very difficult thing to work out. I agree about just using save the date for those that you for sure will be inviting. If you find you can invite more, send additional ones out later if there is a fair amount of time before the invitations go out.
" I agree about just using save the date for those that you for sure will be inviting. If you find you can invite more, send additional ones out later if there is a fair amount of time before the invitations go out."
This seems the best way to handle it to me.
But if you are not sending “save the dates” to the entire guest list, I would inform the “definite” guests of the date informally, not with a formal, printed “save the date” card. Word gets around fast when those are sent out and you don’t want a large chunk of your guests to feel like the B-list.
runnersmom - one thing to keep in mind is at some of those places, if you want to book Sat night, they often have a minimum spend requirement. Brooklyn Winery is actually quite informal compared to other NYC places. It is very industrial looking inside and is a real wine making place. I considered renting out a loft place in Soho, but cost just started adding up when I had to have the food catered and everything rented.
We had a massive rehearsal dinner for S’s wedding in 2012 (invited over 100; about 80 attended) and we rented a gallery space that has rotating exhibits and used a caterer who frequently provided food for events in that space. It wasn’t cheap, even by the area’s standards, but it was less expensive than many of the other options. Is that a possibility?
In small towns, yes the save the date word may get around. However many people understand financial or venue limitations. Certainly don’t get ‘bullied’ into inviting people that you just cannot afford to invite, or there is not enough venue space.
D is getting married in early July. I had heard 4-6 months in advance for the save the dates. Her STDs haven’t gone out yet, although most people know the date. She didn’t want to send them out before Christmas because she was afraid they’d get lost in the holiday craziness. Also, we had a cousin get married last week and she didn’t want to steal the attention from that wedding. Hopefully they’ll go in the mail within a week or so.
I haven’t read this whole thread again…but question about rehearsal evening.
We are thinking of having a rehearsal dinner for the bridal party and SO, and immediate family only (including grandparents). It would be on the early side.
Then after we are thinking of hosting a welcome meet and greet dessert time…maybe from 8-10. All guests would be invited.
Thoughts?
@thumper1 That is exactly what we did for both my son and daughter’s weddings this past year. For my son, he and his wife had a specific venue they wanted to use that was pricier than we had hope, but went with it anyway. We had a dinner at the venue for the bridal party, SO, parents and grandparents after the rehearsal. The other guests arrived at 8:00 for dessert, beer and wine. My DIL provided a very thorough list of local restaurants on their wedding website where the other guests could make dinner reservation and then join us for dessert.
For my daughter, the family and bridal party had dinner at a local Mexican place and then the other guest can by for drinks, chips and salsa. As my daughter and her husband were paying for this, and they wanted it low key, this is what they wanted.
Just went to a wedding out of town this weekend that also did a meet and great. I think this is the way to go instead of the formal rehearsal dinners of the past. While my parent’s generation grumbled a bit about not being hosted for a dinner the night before the wedding, they got over it!
I am not sure we will have any grandparents at our kids weddings. They can’t travel,anymore…so getting to a wedding, even IN the town they live in…is really not possible anymore. So…not worried about them
We plan to provide a very comprehensive list of places to eat…as well as things to do on the afternoon the day of the rehearsal and morning of the wedding.
We are paying for all of this so,far as we know.
I think it is a swell idea, @thumper1. As an out-of-town guest or an extended family member, I’d be perfectly fine with that. The idea of a huge rehearsal dinner seems to be a more recent phenomenon and I think it can often detract from the wedding itself.
Anyone have this issue…our wedding will take place on a Sunday. There is a wedding on Saturday at the same venue. How do they do rehearsals under these circumstances. Not that it’s going to be hard…but what happens in terms of scheduling?
We also had a Sunday wedding at a venue that usually has two Saturday weddings!! Our rehearsal began at 5:15, and we had to be out by 6:00. This venue has everything down to a science, so it wasn’t an issue; especially since my daughter’s wedding was outside.
Thumper, it’s a good thing to check now, ask them. The venue may be expecting your rehearsal a little earlier than you assumed.
We don’t care what time the rehearsal is…at all. And we know we will need tombe considerate of the event on Saturday.
I’ll ask their wedding planner.
After dinner drinks at dessert time? I would want a glass of wine. 
I am not a dessert person.
Similar issue. Church has been thru this before. D & FSIL were assigned a 7:30 rehearsal time (not ideal, but no options). Rehearsal dinner to start at 8:30…will be a short night of sleep!
I think our kids originally wanted something along the lines of dinner followed by more of an open party, but I don’t think it’s going to work. The immediate families and bridal party will probably be close to 50 people and they want to include all out of town guests, but they don’t really want a wedding before the wedding. Also, they’re considering having a "wedding race’ late Saturday afternoon (they’re both runners) and their aufruf (pre-wedding Jewish ceremony) that morning so we won’t be starting before 7pm at the earliest. The actual rehearsal is likely to have been earlier in the week. I heard from some restaurants and venues today and I know we’ll figure something out.
As for STD cards, they used Paperless Post and sent them out 9 months before the wedding because it will be on Labor Day Weekend. The recipients included only those who will definitely be invited; a number that, if all attend, is the maximum the venue can accommodate. All involved agree that others can be invited once we find out how many will not be coming.
I recently found out that the groom’s family is supposed to pay for alcohol at the reception? Yikes. Everything is turning out to be more than I thought it would be for a son’s wedding (I also have 4 daughters and 2 more sons. . .all still unmarried. Starting to hope they all elope 
We have the restaurant room reserved for rehearsal dinner. They have a “minimum” which was more than I thought the dinner would cost us, but said they are “flexible”–just want to keep small groups from taking the room, which holds 60max (we have 35 or so).
Bride’s mom called and we discussed things like table favors (bride wants groom’s artsy sisters to decorate coasters. . .), our mob/mog dresses. Bride’s mom and I are very similar in that we are generally “jeans/T-shirts/no-makeup” types. Shopping for fancy dresses is the last thing we enjoy. We are looking for long (or at least below the knee) dresses, and the bridesmaids dresses are something near royal blue, so that is taken/not to clash with. Accent color is pink.
I have to have long sleeves/jacket. Wedding is up north in late spring–could still be cold, and I’m always cold. I’m 5’7", thin, can wear anything–but has to be church appropriate/modest (no bare backs/low necklines). Not too lacy or fluffy. Not blingy. More the matronly mom than the sexy mom. No champagne/beige. Mob is looking at a dark purple or near-navy. I am not ruling out navy myself. Budget is under $200, and under $100 even better. Open to suggestions from all you CC fashionistas.
Also, I’m obsessing about the mother-son dance. I don’t really want to do this, and I think S wants it even less. So, it’s OK for us to opt out, right? But bride/others expect this. Just do it? or refuse? We can’t dance. We’re both aspie introverts. Just cringe at the thought of it. Help!
Bride’s mom is telling the bride to get registered at some stores for wedding gifts, but the bride /groom can’t seem to settle on any stores that are not somehow “ethically tainted.” Nice to have principles, but. . .People can give cash, I guess, but some do want to give gifts. Bride and groom don’t have much, so they could definitely use some household items, and I don’t think there will be any bridal showers. Another big limitation is that they live very far (must-fly distance) from the wedding venue. So the registry stores should be found in the place they live so they can pick up gifts there. (Trying to be polite, but, TBH, I find the ethics issue more of an unnecessary complication for the givers and sort of annoying rather than commendable.)