2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads (Part 2)

Continuing the discussion from 2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads (Part 1) - #10180 by Youdon_tsay.

Previous discussions:

I am so confused. Can y’all see what I just posted, which apparently took the thread over the top? My son “eloped” Wednesday, and I am delighted!

10 Likes

@Youdon_tsay Congratulations! Maybe repost here. I would not have seen your news if you didn’t mention you had posted in the “old” thread.

Good idea!!!

Because 2020 has been crazy, and no one knows what 2021 holds, ds1 and his bride-to-be decided to take control of the one thing they could … solidifying their commitment to one another.

A couple of weeks ago, with Covid numbers rising, her mom and I started balking at the idea of making the long-awaited trip to see them for Thanksgiving. We had so much fun meeting each other last year, sharing an Airbnb and spending time with the kids. Plus, we had wedding things to discuss! And I already had missed wedding-dress shopping over the summer. But the trip was starting to feel unwise. Ds1 called a Zoom meeting for that night with both sets of parents to allay everyone’s concerns, but when it seemed like we still may not make the trip, we forced their hand, and they had to ‘fess up: They were planning an elopement for Wednesday night once we were all in town. They had a chapel lined up on campus and found an officiant and a photographer for literally a half-hour. They had picked out new wedding attire and planned to order food from the Lebanese place that they want to cater their reception next year. The bride’s mom decided to make a Hawaiian wedding cake and ordered a bouquet and boutonniere. I found the gold bracelet my late mother-in-law had left for us to give to our future daughters-in-law. We wanted to make the day special with limited time, all while taking multiple Covid tests and trying to keep the secret!

They still wanna have a big event next year, when it’s safer. That likely won’t happen in March as they planned. But while I, as a mom, was fixated on the logistics and safety of having a wedding In the middle of a pandemic that wouldn’t turn into a super-spreader event and possibly postponing it and maybe having to postpone it again, the kids rightly focused on the most important thing: Every postponement would mean delaying the start of their lives together, and they didn’t want that. And I didn’t want that. I couldn’t be happier for them.

So, I finally have a daughter! And her wonderful family is part of the package. Take that, 2020. Love always finds a way.

18 Likes

Wonderful, @Youdon_tsay!

Congratulations, @youdon’tsay! Great news!

:purple_heart::purple_heart::purple_heart:. Love this. They have their priorities straight

Congratulations!! Sounds wonderful!

That sounds amazing! Congratulations to all involved.

Good morning, I’m tossing out a new wedding conundrum.

Background: Family friend’s daughter first planned to be married in Michigan Memorial Day weekend, then moved it to Columbus Day weekend, also canceled in favor of a small wedding in DC Labor Day weekend. (We live near DC, and were told that they didn’t want us outside the church to cheer them on because it wouldn’t be fair to others).

The latest is the “celebration” party is planned for Labor Day weekend 2021.

As new couples are getting engaged, D2 and her BF have college friends getting married Labor Day weekend in their college town. D2 (Class of 2020) didn’t have graduation and will likely go to the college friends’ wedding.

Family Friends Mom expressed to me that D2 should go to her daughter’s wedding because “it was the RSVP she accepted first — and that’s etiquette.” I demurred, saying that so much has changed with Covid and they really miss their college friends.

We haven’t received a new Save the Date, and the Mom said she doesn’t want to pay $850 for new invitations. We discussed they had meal preferences in the initial invitations…

So, what I am throwing out here is the idea that life goes on and there are now new engagements and wedding plans that will conflict with 2021 celebrations of 2020 weddings.

Has anyone else encountered this?

As the parent of a groom whose wedding has been postponed, I think we all have to be understanding that new conflicts will arise when the date is changed. DS and FDIL, who have been engaged at least 15 months, rescheduled for Memorial Day and are now seeing several of their friends get newly engaged and select dates right around that time. It is inevitable that there will be conflicts. We also have 2 close relatives of the bride and groom due to deliver first babies in May. Neither were pregnant when we had to make the call to change the date.

I had all my travel plans booked to attend the wedding of a close friend’s child last April and all RSVPs had been sent. Of course they had to postpone and selected September. That didn’t work either and it now it looks like their third date will be Memorial Day, exactly the same as my son’s wedding. My friend and I had a chuckle over it, both hoping our kids get the wedding they want.

I think etiquette does not apply to anything Covid related. It is so hard to plan anything. And now twice as many people will be getting married. So many things may have changed. I couldn’t imagine assuming that someone who had said they would come in May 2020 would be able/obligated to attend in September of 2021. I guess we were lucky, all of our Covid weddings turned into limited attendance + livestream.

2 Likes

Imo, you daughter is not beholden to a wedding that’s shifted dates several times, is for a family friend, as opposed to her own classmates.

And anyone is allowed to have a reason or concerns that lead to changing an RSVP. I’d say, it’s etiquette for that family to accept your D’s choices, not argue them.

1 Like

Too bad your friend seems to be putting a guilt trip on you. Your daughter is an adult and has every right to make her own decisions, including to attend the wedding of her college friends. When dates change like this, a new date is not always going to work for everyone initially invited.

I think these are the times for grace. Unfortunately, the mom isn’t extending much to y’all, but my vote is to be understanding about how she’s feeling, too. That doesn’t mean that your dd should change her plans, however. Are the girls good friends? I get the impression that the girl is the dd of your friend rather than particularly close to your dd.

Regardless, I think a friendly but firm “DD and her friends missed so many things in 2020, including graduation, so their weddings are taking on a larger significance than they might usually for her group. I’m sorry that she won’t make it to your dd’s rescheduled wedding, but I can’t wait!”

2 Likes

I agree that the mom deserves some slack as she has been through the ringer with all the covid disruptions with her daughter’s wedding. But, @Mom22039 's daughter is a 2020 college grad and should have gotten her own invitation to begin with if etiquette is a concern to the bride’s mother. Once a child is an adult and out of the house, they can and do make their own plans/decisions!

This is crazy.

Following up to the comments (thanks all!)…

I agree that D2 gets to make the decision as to which wedding she attends. In her situation, I’d choose to see my college friends.

Mostly I posted because more of us may run into this situation with conflicting dates as more couples are trying to get married or have their celebrations on mid-to-late 2021.

Yes, My son and his wife just had good friends reschedule from later in April to early December.

My brother’s friend had a ‘destination’ wedding in Portland OR postponed at the last minute not because of Covid but because of the fires in September. The location only let them extend to Memorial day and that’s just about the worst weekend possible for the groom and his profession, so all his friends too and many will not be able to go.

Bride wants the big wedding. Grooms friends aren’t as interested any more.