One of mine is best man at fall wedding. These are all fairly young people, no lawyers or money jobs in the bunch. The groom announced some time ago that he wanted a summer vacation with the groomsmen, set up by my kid in the months prior to the wedding. Is this a thing? Son has been unable to get a date they can all fly to the city of the groom’s choice.
Now, the groom says okay, let’s just do a weekend since I’m really busy at work anyway. So they are all expected to fly in, for a single day, and then reverse. None of them live within driving distance of each other, or the city.
Am I nuts for thinking this is the most self-centered tradition ever? Or am I just uninformed? (son says “everybody does this” and also expects the whole thing to fall apart – he hasn’t bought his plane tickets yet.)The groom’s concession was to not make my son pay for it all, whcih is apparently expected.
This seems to be a new tradition and no you are not nuts! I can’t believe he initially wanted your son to pay for it. I’m not sure if its social media or what but too many things are over the top these days. It started with the sweet 16 show and has escalated there in my opinion. The promposals, yes to the dress, it’s all too much.
“The groom’s concession was to not make my son pay for it all, whcih is apparently expected.”
THIS I’ve definitely never heard of, the best man paying for everything related to a bachelor event.
I have heard of weekends - everyone on their own dime - but not a requirement. Whole weeks definitely aren’t the norm to my knowledge. Who has that kind of extra vacation time to spare? Many still do just one event/one evening.
Your son’s friend sounds like a groomzilla. Does he come from a wealthy family himself?
No, the groom is from a middle-class background, bride is in her first year of residency so they must have piles of medical school debt. They have travelled a lot, though – italy for the proposal, France for Christmas, etc. When this trip was first requested, it was my son who said fine, but I can’t pay for it and they were all fine with that.
The wedding itself is a four-day affair. Which also seems to be more normal, and the old crank in me says this is a lot of money/fuss for a couple that has cohabitated for 6 years.
My kids have had to front a few of these bills lately too. Not as extensive as a flight to a vacation destination but parties a couple of hours out of town for the whole weekend. My son had one a couple of weeks ago that should have been in our hometown but the groom wanted to get away with all his friends. The groom was 22 so all the kids going were poor college kids who hadn’t earned a real paycheck yet. I heard some grumbling from my son and a few of his friends who didn’t like dropping $400 on a bachelor party weekend. I have no problem with these type of parties if the groom wants to pay for the weekend away. Unfortunately that is rarely the case so I think it’s asking way too much to have your friends foot these bills.
Yes, it does seem like they have to do everything “big”. My son, the groom, may have suggested a weekend in Las Vegas, but someone had the sense to suggest a more central location. Half can drive, but half would have to fly. My youngest son is the only one without money, so he won’t be attending the bachelor party. He also doesn’t drink, so is probably fine with not attending.
Overreaching and the couple sounds like they are spenders who expect everyone is like them.
Lots of med school debt, European vacations and a 4 day wedding. Not the norm in my orbit.
But an out of town bachelor party seems to be a new thing. I know a neighbor’s son got married and there was a bachelor party out west skiing, long weekend.
I think it is extremely selfish, thoughtless, and not in any way a “tradition.” And I would hope that the idea that one person–your S–pay for it was a joke.
Sure, it would be fun for a group of old friends to get together for a weekend at a beach/lake house or something. If someone had access to a family place for free. If they could go in together an a comparatively inexpensive airbnb. If everyone did not have to fly in, because most of them were clustered in the same region.
The 4-day wedding weekend should be enough. I suggest your S send a message to all concerned saying, “It doesn’t seem like this is going to work out for everyone. Work, $$, etc. Too bad, but I look forward to seeing you all at the wedding.”
Bachelor parties have been a thing for a long while…but not destination ones. Bachelorette parties have been added.
In all cases with my kid…the other folks attending split the cost for the bride. All were destinations of some sort.
For our kid, the bachelor and bachelorette “events” will happen a few days before the wedding…it’s a Sunday wedding…so probably Thursday/Friday. Too many folks have to travel to do it any other way…and no one has the money to pay for a trip to Disney, or Vegas…or Cabo, or the like.
The MOH is planning a nice time for the women invited. I’m sure they will have fun.
My D has a friend or former friend I should say who planned a long weekend in wine country including a $400/night hotel. My D has her brothers wedding the weekend before that she has to fly to.
Apparently the bride is mad because D said she can’t afford a day off work and a $1,000 for the bachelorette party. D may not even be invited to the wedding now.
“Apparently the bride is mad because D said she can’t afford a day off work and a $1,000 for the bachelorette party. D may not even be invited to the wedding now.”
S2 just attended the wedding of his freshman year roommate, and yes there was a 3 day weekend bachelor party - but they did airbnb and it was a few hours drive - so pretty reasonable. He just viewed it as a chance to catch up with college friends. Having just the one was fine, I can imagine that if you are at the place in life with multiple weddings in a year it would be overwhelming.
The wedding website was new to me - the story of the couple, how they met, lots of photos, wedding details, bridal party and their photos with brief bios, etc. And it was not password protected in any way. I actually wanted to look at it again and did not have the website info, so just googled wedding of A and B and there it was.
My kid went to a 4 day long bachelorette at Disneyland a while back…which included a plane ticket across the country. All high end restaurants…4 day pass to Disney, 5 star hotel. Cost was closer to $1500 for the four days. I thought it was over the top, myself. But DD was not able to,attend the wedding…at all.
She combined the bachelorette with a visit to two good friends on the other coast.
Next bachelorette was a rental house on a lake Airbnb for two nights…and they all took turns cooking meals except one dinner when they went out. Total cost…about $200. No plane…no fancy restaurants. But you know…they still had a LOT of fun!
The other interesting thing was the registry on this website. Williams Sonoma and Wanderable - which is like a gofundme for the honeymoon.
“We chose Hawaii for our honeymoon because it has it all–beautiful beaches, breathtaking sights, and lots of adventure. Please note that most gifts on here are group-funded, meaning you can contribute as much or as little to each item!”
I guess it’s no different than people giving a check as a gift and I get that young couples today are less interested in the china, crystal, etc. that my generation rcvd, just seems a odd to specifically contribute towards airfare, drinks, dinners, hotel room, etc.
My D is maid of honor for a young woman she has been friends with since first grade. The wedding is over Labor Day weekend. My D has organized a weekend bachelorette party to the North Fork of LI, which is nice but not as expensive as the Hamptons, their original destination. They took an airbnb for about $500, split between 8 girls, and will bring in food, etc. while going out one night. My D and the bride are driving out with another childhood friend, who still lives in our town and actually owns a car. I am not sure how the other girls, who include the bride’s future sisters-in-law and friends from college, are getting there. I know the girls will have tons of fun - D even promised to have them have a drink in honor of her third brother, who is turning 21 that weekend.
D and I talked about this party for a long time. None of these girls (except the one with the car) really comes from money and several are still paying loans. The groom is in law school after spending two years with Teach for America and the bride just passed the bar. My D deliberately organized something that could fit everyone’s budget. I also think, but D won’t confirm, that the bride’s mother may have given her some money towards it. The bride is an only child.
My D has been invited to a couple of these over the top parties - one n New Orleans - and she just didn’t go. Fortunately, the brides involved were capable of understanding that she couldn’t go there twice and she went to the wedding itself.
I think it is one thing if everyone is local and quite another if people are expected to fly in for these getaways and again for the wedding. Many young people could not afford the time and money for two trips for each wedding they attend.
My younger D has gone to only one thing like this. Her best friend from childhood got married. The wedding was in a different state than where my D lives and she had to rent a car and pay to stay for that, but that is something one would expect to attend a wedding. But there was a bachelorette weekend in Newport where everyone paid their share of it. My D lives in NYC and pretty much is working 7 days per week. She just could not get away for an entire weekend for this (though she did do that for their wedding and had that written into a contract she had at the time). So, my D paid to travel to Newport for just 24 hours and had to pay her full share for the entire weekend at the rental in Newport. She didn’t want to say no to such a good friend, but it was hard to manage in terms of time and money.
Then, this same D had her own wedding shortly afterward. She did NOT want any friends or relatives to have to travel or take additional time or money for a bachelorette event. So, she simply tacked on the evening before the rehearsal party in NYC to celebrate out with the young women in her bridal party.
Our D is going to go on a long bus ride from LA to Vegas where they are having a bachelorette party. Most of the others are driving or flying in. I have no idea what it will cost but it is her favorite cousin and D is a bridesmaid. Bride’s sister is MOH and flying from HI to Vegas for the weekend. The wedding couple has a lot of Med school debt and prefer cash so they can buy a place in SF or HI. I’m not saying anything but this is pretty expensive, imho. D has no job so we will be funding her.