250 word Personal Statement, what can I do with this?

<p>Please provide a Personal Statement regarding how your academic achievements, personal interests, and life experiences have helped prepare you to succeed academically and to be an active member of the __ community. Be sure your response addresses each of the three components. </p>

<p>WOW in 250 words?! This is a challenge for sure!</p>

<p>Then list your principle activities outside the classroom (student organizations, sports, community service, work, etc.). Include a brief description of your role or distinguishing contributions for each activity.</p>

<p>So here's my rough draft for the personal statement. I appreciate your opinions, even the negative ones!</p>

<p>“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt</p>

<pre><code>As a member of my generation, it is my responsibility to become active in changing the world for the better. Enrolling, and excelling, in many extra-curricular programs has enhanced my ability to engage in an active role in improving the school as well as the community. Becoming active in reaching out and providing aid for those who seek it has reinforced my inspiration to take time out of my life to benefit others. Selecting advanced subjects has successfully challenged my work-ethic and time management skills.

Academics are my highest priority, but I maintain a well-balanced lifestyle by pursuing the pleasures in life: spending time with friends and family, working hard at my job and gaining a dependable income, and exercising by playing in a recreational basketball league.

I am so grateful for the opportunities that have been given to me, and I do not regret the choices I have made in my life through those opportunities. I have lived a very unique and special life, learning a vast number of lessons along the way. In my life, I have travelled abroad, exposing me to new cultures and have adapted in a way that was accepted by those cultures. I have traveled to a different state with my father to attend a program that taught me the importance of enthusiasm and positive reinforcement. Due to the opportunities given to me, and the lessons I have learned throughout my life, I am confident in saying that I am well-adapted and prepared to succeed and achieve at the University of ____________.

<p>I’m also writing the same essay and it is difficult to write something meaningful yet include all 3 parts in only 250 words.
Yours is pretty good but it’s not specific enough; there are only general terms and doesn’t make you unique (You traveled abroad? Where? I’ve traveled too. You participate in clubs? Which? You’ve reached out? How? etc.)
Goodluck, maybe I’ll see you next year. :)</p>

<p>Generally interesting, but full of passive voice. Will be much stronger if you edit though and re-word all sentences with pv. That will usually cut down on word count as well, so you could add more real content without going over.</p>

<p>oops - typo!! “edit through”</p>