<p>or a girlfriend ( but thats because im ugly ) . Ive always had friends in school but now at uni , i joined 3 clubs and got rejected out of 6 , volunteered everywhere , forced myself to talk to everyone , tried rushing for 2 frats (rejected ) , i cant take it anymore . Ive never been to a party , im a loser and i cant make any friends no matter how much i try and all i hear from my therapist is "dont be so hard on myself "</p>
<p>Start with acquaintances. You can go to parties with acquaintances. Sometimes acquaintances will click at some point and become friends. At least you are trying, so give yourself some credit and keep going to those clubs. Can you identify anything different you may be doing now vs. when you had friends? Also, can you ask your therapist and anyone else, like a relative for a frank assessment of why you might not be making friends. Like if you are looking or acting weird and don’t know it? Personal habits etc. You have good hygiene and wear average looking clothes?</p>
<p>I once saw this show and the guy they were trying to make datable had a weird tic where he stuck out and extremely stretched out his tongue, making a weird face. It was off putting and he had no idea at all that he did it. Fortunately he was able to correct it just by knowing about it and a bit of practice.</p>
<p>Maybe you just need help with small talk. I thought almost anyone could go to a party alone if they had a bit of confidence and were decent at small talk.</p>
<p>Instead of telling the therapist you are a loser, try talking about what suggestions s/he has on identifying the root of the issue so you can change things. Are you willing to change, cause something isn’t working. First thing is to figure out what it is.</p>
<p>i dont tell him im a loser , nothing works for me , ive changed about 7 times , ive changed my personality , my clothes (btw i refuse to wear flashy clothes and whats wrong with average looking clothes ) im not dirty , no one gives me a chance for small talk . I never get invited to parties so how can i go to one ?</p>
<p>Start working out, man. Bodybuilding has changed my personality by a noticeable margin.</p>
<p>ive been working out for a year already</p>
<p>^
So have you made any progress? Do you follow a correct diet? Supplements?</p>
<p>At least for me, working out significantly boosted my confidence, overall appearance, and completely eradicated the last bits of shyness inside me.</p>
<p>I mean I hope you are wearing average looking clothes and not something too strange. </p>
<p>I’m trying to say that something is missing and you need to work with the therapist to figure out what it is. Are you in touch with old friends from HS you can talk to about it? Because it isn’t a normal situation. Everyone has the opportunity for small talk. So when you say no one gives you a chance, there is something wrong right there with that attitude. Everyone can small talk and almost everyone is open to it unless they are rushing off or busy on the phone. So something is either wrong with how you do it, how you are coming off or something, or maybe even just how you perceive how they are reacting to you.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>i talk to old friends by skype , and i talk the same way i talk outside , what i mean is they barely reply when i talk to them</p>
<p>if it’s troubling to know that people without friends exist then it’s even more troubling to know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them. at least with me there IS something wrong with me so you can point to that as the explanation for why. with you you can’t. you’re just left to wonder. how… how…</p>
<p>Okay… this is a really weird situation. Idk, maybe you’re trying too hard? What about your roommates? When I joined uni, I lived in an apartment-style thing with 7 other girls, and I got really close with about 5 of them. It’s not that our personalities matched or that we all liked each other instantly. It’s just cause we spent soooo much time together, so you just eventually learn to like someone, y’know? So find some acquaintances in the clubs you’re in and casually mention hanging out later and see how they respond. The more time you spend with someone, the closer you get. But the first thing is to relax. Don’t be anxious. Have confidence in yourself. I doubt you’re even ugly.</p>