Families are often reticent to talk about wealth and inheritance with their children, but experts say that can create confusion and insecurity
https://nyti.ms/2OyP7aV
I don’t open links from this site…what are the four reasons.
I don’t agree with a lot of this article. Kids do not necessarily know that their parents have more/less money than their friends/classmates by comparing houses, cars, vacations, etc. That’s not an indication of what people HAVE , it’s an indication of what people SPEND.
I grew up very middle class in a small town. In my early 20’s my Dad left his engineering job to start a business which ended up doing far better than anyone anticipated. My siblings and I knew my folks “had money” but not how much until after they passed away (which was recently). We all finished our educations and worked hard. Yes, there is a nice inheritance, but none of us actually need it. I can not think of any adverse effect from that.
@thumper1 it’s the NY Times very own short domain.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/02/your-money/parenting-wealth-discussions.html
IMO the reason for a lot is estate talk is death talk, and that’s uncomfortable for most.
The article isn’t dealing with general financial literacy and student loans and such. Just wealthier parent finances.
“A second-grade kid, because they go to all of these house parties, will be able to rank the wealth of all the people in his or her class pretty accurately,”
As @FallGirl stated, this statement doesn’t ring true with me. We did have conversations with our children when they were young about how you can judge someone’s wealth by how much they spend.
“What you fear is your kids will see it differently,” he said. “But the fact is when people say, ‘I don’t want my kids to know we’re wealthy,’ I say, ‘Look around your house.’”
Related to the point above, this also doesn’t always ring true. Many wealthy people live well below their means and vice versa.
I wish the article included more practical tips and steps and less fluff.
In a similar situation, but due to our unique set of circumstances, college financing could have been significantly different for 2nd child, if timing had been “better” for all of these events. (We did not plan based on support from either set of grandparents.) But, while one of my sisters and I were not considering anything inheritance-wise, all 3 of us were clear that while our folks were alive, that their assets were there to provide for them, not us. A rare occurrence, I’m told.
You have to know your children. Some of them will tell others things that you may not want out. It can even be damaging. They are not always going to listen to you about discretion. I knew far too much about all my kids’ friends’ families including private finances just being part of the furniture when they were around. You would be appalled. I was. Some of those kids, their parents would swear in their lives they would be discrete. Nope.
Young people often go through a period of …madness , usually stabilizing as they mature They can do and say destructive things during those years.
I’ve never heard much more than fleeting references to inheritances. The Menendez brothers were unusual.
Our kids don’t know how much we have, but we have told them we have enough to take care of ourselves to the end and they won’t have to support us. We inherited about a third from our parents.
Our kids figured out in their teens that we have more money than their friends: when they were getting ready for college. We had the money talk about where they could go and for how much because they would only be eligible for merit aid. We would be full pay and there would be no financial need. We live a comfortable life, but it had not occurred to them that we were wealthy (relative to our locale).
Our kids know they graduated from a private U of their choice with no debt. Many of their friends had varying loans. They also know we will not need their financial assistance & we may leave them something if we can. That’s about it.
Kids tend to figure it out but it takes a while. My oldest always complained that his friends drove BMWs and he had an old Toyota. He always went to bigger nicer houses for more elaborate birthday parties, etc. He always felt poor. Now he is going to school out of state, not working during the school year, with no scholarships or loans while his friends and roommates may be driving nice cars but they are struggling to pay the rent/utilities, have jobs, and are taking out loans. He has figured it out but does not know how much there is, just that the money is being spent differently.
My uncle was never married, lived in a small house, in a relatively low income area (just off a military base) and while he would buy a new car he drove it for 15 years. He worked what most would consider a blue collar job and no one, including his closest family, gave any thought to it other than he was “getting by”. When he died my father was appointed executor of his estate and was stunned. He kept finding account after account after account with sizable sums. When it was all said and done the estate had several million dollars. My parents had saved for their own retirement and would have been comfortable but there would have been very little left over for them to pass on. Now there will be a nice 7 figure estate my sister and I never planned on that my kids will never know about but will become theirs eventually.
Has your kid read The Millionaire Next Door by Stanley and Danko?
Note that your uncle would probably fit right into that book as an example.
He has not read it but I have. My father in law gave me that book when it was first published. My father in law’s entire family had lived that book long before it was published and I could see them clearly as I read it. That is the ironic thing, because of the book I have always known there would be a healthy inheritance from my in laws (that coupled with buying apple stock in the beginning and never selling it) but no one saw anything coming from my side of the family. That crazy hermit like uncle everyone never understood had everyone, including his mother, fooled.