I’ll argue that these to NOT just apply to partners but to anyone you have a close relationship with.
“Calm Down” does the exact same opposite to me - TICKS ME OFF AND MAKES ME LESS CALMED DOWN”. H will also say it in what to me is a very condescending way.
I just learned in a diversity training today to not do the “But…” or “Yes, but….” You should use “Yes, AND…” “Yes” you hear them….AND you have something to add to that to that point.
Not meaning to bend anyone out of shape but heck, relationships can be hard! We all say not the kindest things during hard moments!
What of these - or other phrases - get your knickers in a twist.
My mom told me long time ago to not hit below the belt having a fight with people you love. She said words matter. Once it’s said you could never take it back.
“You always” (or “never”) bugs me because it immediately leads to the other person arguing against it being always or never.
I have been trying hard to not to use “but” but using “and” instead.
Also trying to minimize the use of “you should” or “you need to” when it is just my opinion and say something like “you might want to think about doing …” especially with my kids.
I think the key is to try to find the humor when possible. Last night, my husband received his order—a microsoft arc mouse that is pale, pastel, baby pink. I laughed and said, “By the way, who is this for?”
He said, “That YELLOW mouse is for me.”
I said, “Well, it’s highly visible, pale pastel pink NOT yellow and you will be sure neither D (who hates pink) nor S will mistake or take your mouse.” I laughed some more and said,”Boy, we’re a pair—you have trouble distinguishing colors and I have trouble smelling scents.”
I checked my phone and sure enough the mouse DOES look yellow on my screen there. We both had a good laugh and moved on.
I will start with saying I have a terrible short-term memory. If I am doing something upstairs and my wife asks me to bring something down I will forget more often than not. On the other hand I have a knack for remember stuff from 6 months or 6 years ago especially when it revolves around numbers.
My wife will be telling friends or family a story usually in a bit of a round about way and if she were to get something wrong I would correct her in front of others. Now it is a judgement call if said correction was important or not to said story. Either way she hates that.
In general, unless it’s a safety issue and urgent, I think it’s kinder to try our best to avoid making any corrections in front of others—later when folks are relaxed and in a receptive mood, one could point out (one on one with no audience) something if it REALLY matters or just let it go.
. I had to grin at this one: