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College Essays
1

<p>I know it isn’t very good, but anyone willing to read my essay below and quickly provide some suggestions?</p>

<p>Since this is only for one school whose deadline is tonight, I don’t mind posting it below: </p>

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<p>The thick, dry smell of cooking mondogo reached me. I promised myself complete assimilation, but I now felt as if that was too much to ask. Sitting on my grandmother’s thickly upholstered blue couch, I contemplate my feelings; the sound of lunch being cooked down the tiled hallway grows fainter. I enjoyed my grandmother’s common Colombian entr</p>

2

<p>My first impression is very nice details and imagery. I would change the last sentence though. I feel like you need to reflect more deeply on the fact that you are eating this “homogeneous coconut swirl” in lieu of a typical Columbian dish. Just curious, what college is this for?</p>

3

<p>Thank you very much DualSpace. I will look over the conclusion and see what I can do. </p>

<p>The essay is for my biggest reach - NYU.</p>

4

<p>Is there a reason why you’re sending this personal statement only to NYU? I think it’s very good and you might as well send it to your other colleges.</p>

5

<p>All my other schools either required essays that answered a specific prompt or didn’t require one at all. </p>

<p>I <em>might</em> decide to use this one if I decide to apply to more schools within the month.</p>

6

<p>In the first paragraph: “I HAVE enjoyed my grandmothers…”</p>

<p>I think you need a period or a semi-colon before “the thick smell stays behind me.”</p>

<p>I don’t think you get “awoken to.” You either are “awoken by” or “wake to.” Then I’d put the Sunday mornings at the end of the sentence.</p>

<p>I think it’s very well written, although I’d like to hear a little more about you: Specifically, what have THESE expereriences told you about yourself?</p>

7

<p>Very nice imagery, it really resonates your URM status. AdCons will eat it up!</p>