A classic quote - or things our kids say

Parent Cafe
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<p>Oooh, that’s scary Zoosermom! :slight_smile: Talking babies, though, reminds me of my D. She was a “failure to thrive” baby, which, in medical parlance generally means, “failure to have a good parent.” (So I underwent as much examination as she did.)</p>

<p>When she was 9 months old, the doctor was exploring as many options as he could to figure out why she wasn’t growing.<br>
“Hmmm, she has rather a flat nose bridge…” (I know he’s thinking Downs. I know she is NOT Downs.)<br>
I say, “She has the same nose as her oldest brother.”<br>
“How’s he do in school?” (What? Two Downs kids and I didn’t notice???)<br>
“He’s gifted.”<br>
“hmmmm” He doesn’t believe me. I can tell. He leans in with his stethescope to examine her.
D looks him in the eye, grabs his stethescope, and says, “Don’t touch!”
He backs up and stands there looking stunned. “She’s not ■■■■■■■■,” he says.</p>

<p>(We knew she could say “don’t touch.” However, we also knew that she thought it meant “mommy’s earring.” Guess she thought the doc had big earrings. I didn’t tell him that part.)</p>

22

<p>I’m not a big pet person. I do have 3 kids and have always loved having friends, neighborhood kids, etc. around the house. </p>

<p>When my youngest (who is now 11) was about 4, her preschool teacher asked her if she had any pets at home. Her reply? “Nope, my mom just likes kids”. (so true!)</p>

23

<p>I teach 3 yr. olds at a church preschool. Last spring during music time, I was trying to suggest some songs they all might know that we could sing. </p>

<p>Me: How about “Jesus Loves Me?”
Kids: Blank stares
Me: OK, how about “Jesus Loves the Little Children”
Kids: Blank stares
Me: Ok, does anybody know any songs about Jesus they would like to sing?
Little Johnny: How about “Jesus Take the Wheel”</p>

24

<p>My daughter, at 6, to both parents: “You know, I would be perfect if it weren’t for all the bad qualities I inherited from you.”</p>

<p>My son, at 16, talking about a girl whose full-frontal assault he was resisting (and I have never admired him more): “Of course I know she’s pretty. She’s probably the prettiest girl I know. But all the girls I know are pretty – maybe not that pretty, but pretty enough. And this girl doesn’t think that anyone is going to like her for any other reason. She’s nice, I DO like her. But she really needs a boyfriend who can calm her down, and make her feel really loved and secure. I’m only 16, I don’t think I can do that yet.”</p>

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<p>^^ Wow. What an insightfuly 16-year-old. Some woman is going to be very lucky.</p>

26

<p>At ~ age 3 my D had trouble pronouncing the “ch” sound, and it came out as an “s” sound. So, one morning she had climbed down from her seat at the kitchen table to get some more Rice Chex cereal for her bowl. My husband asked her what she was doing. With this huge grin on her face, she said, “I’m having sex Daddy!”</p>

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<p>binx - I know exactly what you mean with the failure to thrive thing. My niece was diagnosed with failure to thrive at around the age of 2, and the scrutiny that my sister was put under was insane, especially since she was a teen mom. After about 2 weeks in the hospital under observation, they finally figured out that she was lead poisoned. It turns out the apartment complex my sister, as well as many other teen moms and their infants, was living in through a local charity had lead piping. So now, odds are that in addition to my sister, many other local teen mothers not only have to deal with being parents at such young ages, but raising developmentally disabled children as well. </p>

<p>But, to keep the mood of this thread properly light, I’ll have to throw in my younger niece’s version of a knock knock joke:</p>

<p>Jasmine: Knock knock!
Me: Who’s there?
Jasmine: Umm… Jasmine
Me: Jasmine who?
Jasmine: PIZZA!</p>

<p>The funny thing is that for some reason, this girl who cannot grasp the knock knock joke somehow understands sarcasm. My mother, her grandmother, jokingly asked something to the effect of, “Grandma is young, isn’t she?” and my niece responded, “Riiight.”</p>

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<p>My first grade D listened to everything we said at the dinner table. She heard her father complain that he needed new running tights because the weather was getting colder. We talked about another D’s teacher and my husband exclaimed “I love her teacher.” The next day, first grade D went into story time to share. She proudly told the class “my father wears tights and is in love with another woman.” I was glad the teacher called to tell me that I might need to explain things to my D!</p>

<p>My 3 year old D had a hard time saying “fork.” One day, I was on the phone with a nun, trying to track down some important information and was getting some resistance. I was hoping to appeal to her kinder side by talking about why I needed the information. In the background, 3 year old D was eating her noodles from her bowl and dropped both her bowl and fork on the ground. She screamed, over and over again, “I dropped my *** and bowl”. The nun hung up on me.</p>

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<p>^That’s too awesome.</p>

<p>My parents’ favorites were things we did rather than things we said.</p>

<p>For instance (I’m still hearing about this one some 13 years later). When I was roughly 5 or 6, I was sitting in our AstroVan (alone, for some reason or other), and discovered a nickel. I looked at the cigarette lighter and decided it would be just big enough to accommodate said nickel.</p>

<p>My mom comes out to take me wherever we were going. Car won’t start. Doesn’t even try.</p>

<p>So they call the repair place, and they look and look and look. Finally, he figures out that “someone” dropped a nickel down the cigarette lighter.</p>

<p>My mom immediately knew it was me, and was worried that I’d been electrocuted. She starts asking me, “Did it hurt you?”</p>

<p>Me (with a pouty expression on my face): “No, but I thought it would do something fun!”</p>

30

<p>I love these stories! My MIL has always had lots of gum stashed around her house and DD knew all the hiding places. One day, while hanging out with her grandfather, DD went to a drawer and pulled out a piece of gum. My FIL asked, “Whatcha doing, Splash?” She said, “This is for my breath.” She proceeded to another drawer where she pulled out another flavor and announced “And this is for tomorrow’s breath.”</p>

31

<p>MMMOOOOMMMMM!!! Make [Sister] give me more room on the potty seat!</p>

32

<p>My now 17 yo DS (the one w/ the frozen waffles from earlier post) used to have a funny way of turning things around:</p>

<p>“Buckle me out!” (for unbuckle me).
“Turn off the dark!” (for turn on the light).</p>

<p>And sometimes he would ask for some “cuppa water”.</p>

<p>And “Take off my bib on!”</p>

<p>Yes, he’s warped (the “artsy” type is a nice way to put it!).</p>

33

<p>My oldest used to sing to her sister “tinkle tinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, up above the world so high, like a demon in the sky.”</p>

<p>We found it so funny that we never corrected her and D2 answers to demon.</p>

34

<p>My preschooler came home & said, “Mom, I want to bring my comfortable [comforter that I had just sewn for her] for show & tell.”</p>

<p>My S was only 9 months & woke up very hungry and said, “I want to eat ‘socks.’” I was baffled and asked him to repeat it, which he did louder and increasingly irritated until he finally walked over to the kitchen himself and got himself “snacks.”</p>

<p>He learned to explain himself without prompting because he was sometimes challenging to understand. When asked what his preschool teacher’s name was, he would reply, “Mrs. Yock, you know, like yock the door.”</p>

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<p>What a wonderful thread to read, seven days before we drop our only child at the dorm. Some gems from his early days:</p>

<p>Staring into the video camera from his highchair, just a little older than 1, grinning through a film of oatmeal, as his dad asked him to “say something for posterity”: “Helllloooo, Posterity!”</p>

<p>He made costumes out of everything, including a fishnet, which he liked to wear over his head. Age 5, out of the blue in the kitchen one night, with a sly smile: “Hi there. I’m Mr. Fish-Head. Ya wanna dance?” </p>

<p>When I commented that he was talking to himself, somewhere around age 10: “I’m an only child. I’m very good at talking to myself.”</p>

<p>The aspiring photojournalist’s first word, after Dada (I’m not kidding): “Cah-rah.”</p>

36

<p>My son, now in college, was six when I began taking him to the gym with me. It was during the school year, so when the lady at the gym’s entrance desk took my pass, she saw my son and asked why he wasn’t in school.</p>

<p>Son: “I’m homeschooled.”</p>

<p>Lady: “Oh. I am an assistant teacher. So, tell me, how do you like it?”</p>

<p>Son: “It’s great! I’m learning a lot of history, geography and math. I also get to do lots of science experiments.”</p>

<p>Lady: “Hmmm. Tell me, where are we?”</p>

<p>Son: (Lowers his eyes and begins to grimace)</p>

<p>Lady: “Ok. Can you tell me what town we are in?”</p>

<p>Son: (Eyes lower once again, still grimacing)</p>

<p>Lady: “Well. What state do we live in?”</p>

<p>Son: (Still grimacing, eyes lowered)</p>

<p>ME: (I raise my hands as if it is all out of my control, signaling to the lady my surprise.)</p>

<p>Lady: “Well, just what sort of geography have you studied?”.</p>

<p>Son: I finished a study of the former Soviet Union, and the cultures within the new republics that gave rise to their split from that country. Did you know that… (and the boy goes into a very long explanation of the histories of several former soviet republics, their flags, and anthems.</p>

<p>Lady: “Wow.”.</p>

<p>ME: I raise my hands as if it is all out of my control, signaling to the lady my surprise.</p>

<p>As we walk away, I ask the boy “Why didn’t you tell the lady where we were, our town and state?”.</p>

<p>Son: (Incredulous! Flashing a six-year old’s wrath!) “Dad! A woman that age ought to just KNOW these things!”.</p>

<p>LOL.</p>

37

<p>One time my three year old son won a pack of gum as a little prize. He opened one piece and popped it in his mouth and held onto the rest of the pack tightly. I asked, “Can I have some gum?” He looked at me a little sadly and then took the gum out of his mouth and reluctantly held it up to me and said “you can have two chews.”</p>

38

<p>3 year old swimcat (of the Y chromosome story) 1/2 way through a tour of the FBI headquarters in DC</p>

<p>Tour guide: “Does anyone have any questions?”</p>

<p>swimcat’s hand goes up</p>

<p>Tour guide: “yes dear?”</p>

<p>swimcat: “when’s this going to be over?”</p>

39

<p>H and his family were touring Williamsburg when he was in h.s. and his younger brother was in middle school. At the furniture-maker, the craftsman asked the assembled crowd, “What’s the worst thing you can do to a chair?” According to H, the craftsman had hinted a few minutes earlier that leaning back in a chair could damage it. But his little brother missed the hint, raised his hand and answered earnestly, “Pick it up and throw it against the wall.” The craftsman sighed exasperatedly and said, “OK, what’s the SECOND worst thing you can do to a chair?”</p>

40

<p>Young daughter walking past nice neighbor man wearing a white t-shirt that emphasized his large belly (loudly): “Is there a baby in there?”</p>