A classic quote - or things our kids say

Parent Cafe
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<p>I love reading these stories. We all have such wonderful children, it would lead one to believe children are just inherently wonderful! Anyway, this is one of my favorites:</p>

<p>When my daughter was three and a half we took her to the pediatric dentist for the first time for a get-comfortable-with-the-dentist-and-tooth-count trip. While the dentist examined my daughter and talked to me about tooth care and future orthodontics (!), my just two-year-old son busied himself looking at the headless teeth and charts in the room. The next morning–very early–my son toddles to the side of my bed and awakens me, pointing to the appropriate parts of his jaw, and says, “look mom, this part goes up and down and this part doesn’t.” Fourteen years later, that still blows me away.</p>

62

<p>D as we passed by the “Lucky Seafood” market…THEY weren’t very lucky, were they?</p>

63

<p>Driving on the onramp of the freeway in heavy traffic. My son, age 2, is in his car seat behind me, clearing his throat. Some hot rod pulls onto the right shoulder and blasts past me, shoving into the line of traffic in front of me.</p>

<p>Me: What do you think you’re doing, you schmuck?!?!</p>

<p>Son: I was just coughing, Mommy.</p>

<hr>

<p>DS is about 2 and he won’t lie down for a nap. Sobbing, overstimulated, exhausted, tantruming. </p>

<p>Me: “Listen, I know you SAY you aren’t sleepy, but I’m the mother, and I have to do what I think is best, and right now I think you need to rest. When you’re a Daddy and you have children, you might make a different decision.”</p>

<p>Son: “I don’t even LIKE children!”</p>

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<p>Schmoomcgoo - So is he considering studying dental medicine???</p>

<p>This isn’t something my kids said, so I’m not following the rules here – but we’ve been copying VHS tapes to DVD recently, and I recently watched a Christmas video where S1 was about 4 and S2 was 2. S2 opened a xylophone, and plunked at it for a bit in fascination. Then S1 opened a toy guitar - plucked at it and drew S2’s attention - resulting in a brief tussle. We distracted S2 temporarily with another gift - which turned out to be a toy cash register. After it was opened, S1 made a bee-line for it, and remained enthralled by it for some time. S2 didn’t care - one can hear in the background that S2 has returned to the xylophone and is plunking out a very careful (if random) tune.</p>

<p>Fast forward 20 years – S1 is a guitar-playing economist, S2 is a musician (performer/composer). So funny seeing them then, and knowing what we now know.</p>

65

<p>How funny to see that forerunner of their futures on the video. </p>

<p>These are all so funny. I am really enjoying everyones stories and they are really bringing back funny memories. My son was obsessed with playmobile. He wanted the firetruck and the ambulance for his birthday. They are quite expensive so we bought him the firetruck and explained he would have to wait 'till Christmas for the ambulance. That night I went in to say goodnight and the firetruck had it’s ladder extended by his dresser and a firemen was laying on the dresser. I asked why he hadn’t put the fireman away and he replied in an aggrieved tone </p>

<p>“He’s injured and he’s waiting for the ambulance”</p>

66

<p>Not mine, but a friend’s: </p>

<p>2 or 3 year old in the car seat in the back of the car. Mom is driving, and the mother in law is in the passenger seat. Toddler says something that includes, “Gee, grandma…” and grandma says, “Jesus doesn’t like it when we say Gee.”</p>

<p>Child replies: “Gee isn’t a bad word, Grandma. Now, Holy S**t, that’s a bad word!”</p>

67

<p>My daughter had a precocious interest in reproductive health, nurtured partly by shows like Birth Day Live and so forth. She would take my medical reference books and read them extensively, and look at the pictures for hours. She would frequently ask detailed and sometimes awkward questions about babies and sex from the time she was five years old. </p>

<p>One day when she was about seven, after spending several hours perusing a book full of photos of fetal development “from conception to birth”, she marched into our living room, where her grandmother, greatgrandmother, and numerous other relatives were sitting, and asked, “Mom, what color is sperm?”</p>

68

<p>I was with five year old sapling while he sold school candy in a bank lobby.
A teen was in lobby waiting, I warned sapling to keep an eye on his money envelope, maybe the teen was a gang banger. Teen’s mother exits bank.</p>

<p>Sapling: “See Mommy, he’s not a gang banger, he was just waiting for his mommy!”</p>

69

<p>An overheard conversation:</p>

<p>Grandma: (breathing hard) I can’t play tag any more. I’m tired. </p>

<p>4-year old son: Why are you tired grandma? I’m not tired.</p>

<p>Grandma: I’m tired because I’m old. </p>

<p>4-year old son (nodding in agreement): And I’m not tired because I’m NEW.</p>

70

<p>S was about 3 and I was making lunch. I said, How about grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch today? He shook his head vigorously and said, oh no, no grilled cheese. I said, why not, you LOVE grilled cheese! He said, but Mom, don’t you know that I’m a boy? I can only have boy cheese sandwiches. So from that moment until today (S is now 17!), I make girl cheese for D and boy cheese sandwiches for S!</p>

<p>Also once we were driving in the car. S and D were in the back seat, arguing as usual. Finally my D says to me, Mom, Make him stop! I said, stop doing what? HE’S LOOKING OUT OF MY WINDOW, MOM! Oh my God. To this day they have their moments…</p>

71

<p>Ok, this one may well get me some sort of moderator reprimand, but I’ll take my punishment as the story is worth relaying.</p>

<p>We would camp extensively with our dogs and always owned Newoundlands. For those unfamiliar with the breed, think black bear. Massive head, heavily muscled, hairy. Thigh high on most adults. A 130 pound male specimen is on the low-end weight wise for the breed standard.</p>

<p>The after dinner ritual involved a leisurely walk around the campground, and newfs LOVE attention. Our first was a master. He adopted a “look at me” persona when out publicly… strong gait, head held high, with just a hint of the “HEY! COME PET ME” look in his eye.</p>

<p>Newfs love kids, and kids were always immediately drawn to the bear on a leash.</p>

<p>Ours would immediately sit at my feet when approached, and would get “excited”. No prancing, or jumping, or pulling at the leash to meet a new friend. </p>

<p>He’d quite simply become a poster boy for a Viagra ad. </p>

<p>You had to be blind to miss it. </p>

<p>We encountered a couple with a five year old. Dog sits, and gets immediately “excited”.</p>

<p>five year old: “WOW!!! Your dog has a BIG P****S!”</p>

<p>The mother’s face went beet red. The dad looked at the kid with daggers. My wife was rolling her eyes.</p>

<p>My reply: “Well son, he IS a big dog.”</p>

<p>Seemed to satisfy the kid. His parents looked relieved.</p>

<p>In hindsight, we should have named the dog Excitable Boy.</p>

72

<p>Still remember when we were driving our kids to and through national parks in the SW US through world-famous scenery. They were happily oblivious, playing with the stuffed animals and each other. At one point, our S took a break and looked at the AAA “trip tik” and remarked, “Hey, we’re not scheduled to drive through ALL the scenic areas; why not?” </p>

<p>H & I wearily replied that they were barely looking out the window anyway & night was upon us anyway–how much scenery did they expect to see in the dark? It was the last time we ever saw one national park/day! Our later trips were much more leisurely.</p>

73

<p>Diapered small child upon seeing melted ice cream in the bottom of his ice cream bowl: “Ice cream juice!!”</p>

74

<p>Younger twin siblings, long years ago, trying mint chocolate chip ice cream for the first time:</p>

<pre><code> “MMmmm…tooth paste!”
</code></pre>

75

<p>My husband was out of town when my daughter was 3 so when I came home from work, it was just the two of us at dinner time.</p>

<p>Me: I’m worn out. Is it okay with you if we just have a frozen pizza for dinner?</p>

<p>D: Could you warm it up?</p>

76

<p>In preschool a teacher was making pendants for necklaces out of a dough that would become hard and like jewelry. One little girl was used to eating little pieces of cookie dough and cake batter at home when her mom would bake, and asked if she could taste it. The teacher knew that it would not harm the girl but warned her that it would be salty.</p>

<p>Not listening to the teacher’s advice the girl took a small piece of dough, ate it, and then made an icky face.</p>

<p>Teacher: Now everyone take your dough and knead it like this.</p>

<p>Little Girl: All I need is a glass of water!</p>

77

<p>My daughter has hazel-colored eyes… which for the longest time she called “Basil Eyes”</p>

78

<p>My son had white blonde hair for years but was upset whenever someone said he was a towhead. Like being a blockhead means your head is a block, he felt that being a towhead means your head is a toe.</p>