A cure for "Post-Rejection depression"

<p>Hello,</p>

<p>My son didn’t manage to get admitted in the UC he wanted (still crossing the finger for the very last chance UCI!). He knows that he has’s got almost zero chance for UCLA/UCB… His backup plan was UCSC and he is in, but we could feel that he is very disappointed and starting to get a bit depressed: not very talkative or engaging. We tried to cheer him up and celebrate with him the UCSC admission, but we didn’t manage to get a smile and he does’t want to engage in any college discussion or to make future plans, apart from the famous “yes” “no” and the magical “may be” (which means leave me alone! I guess). </p>

<p>May be we should just let the things to cool off until the end of March, and start build confidence and plan for the future again… </p>

<p>Any thoughts?</p>

<p>Let your son have time to grieve that he didn’t get into his “dream” schools. He dreads telling his friends his disappointing news especially if they got into their “dream” schools. Your cheering him up is irritating to him. He will come to grips with reality soon especially when he finds other classmates going to the same school.</p>

<p>give him a “mental sick” day from school and let him have some fun to take his mind off of educational stuff. Let him call up some friends or something, hang out, go to a movie, lunch, etc. and then he should be a little better. If he’s reminded of it through school and other friends, etc. he might feel sad.</p>

<p>I posted an article last fall to mixed reviews; take a look and see what you think <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/490934-few-words-rejected.html#post1060160501[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/490934-few-words-rejected.html#post1060160501&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>As an 18 y/o, I can say that he won’t take a whole lot of consolation in getting into plan B. Getting in to plan B is expected, that’s why it’s plan B. I have a friend that was in about the same situation, now loves Santa Cruz.</p>

<p>There is something to be said about looking at the positives. I was down when I got knocked out of a scholarship competition to my dream school, in essence ending my chances to go there even if I get in. We let it go for awhile, I didn’t want to talk about, but then we started talking about where I could get out debt free, and I realized “hey, I’ll be alright after all.” It’ll work out for your son equally as well.</p>

<p>I’m in at all my plan Bs, and if I don’t get into my reaches on April 1st, I’ll probably be down for a bit, but I’ll get over it, and so will he. College is what you make of it, and I’ll tell you right now that when it all comes down to it, and I send a deposit and a housing form into my Plan B of choice, I will be pumped.</p>

<p>sit him down and tell him to get over it, there are bigger problems in the world then him not getting into his dream school. Then tell him that in the end its not where you go but what you make of it.</p>

<p>i agree with vicious…</p>

<p>there are really bigger things to worry about in life and i’m sure he’ll do fine, get a good job and have a happy life when it comes down to it.</p>

<p>he might even end up liking it, i got into my top choice which was georgia tech - the school i’m currently attending. now in my second year, i wish i had never gone here…i expected one thing and when i got there i realized it was totally different…i even changed my major and decided against engineering. now i have a crappy gpa and im also attending a school that isn’t for me.</p>

<p>anyways what i’m saying is, is that even if he didn’t get into his top choice…things happen for a reason and maybe not getting into his top choice was good for him…he probably will excel at ucsc and may have struggled at the other schools…</p>

<p>i wish i had gone to uga or gsu…but now i have to struggle with the decision i made to go to a school wasn’t for me and i couldn’t handle…</p>

<p>tell him to keep his head up realize that not getting into a “good” college doesn’t mean he’s dumb by any means and the only thing he can do now is have a positive outlook and look forward to studying hard and partying hard at ucsc - he’s probably going to have more fun there anyways haha :D</p>

<p>hope that helps!</p>

<p>It sucks and I know the feeling. Honestly, I still suffer from post-rejection depression haha. But the best thing is to either take one of two positions. 1. Go to plan B and enjoy it, have fun, get involved, etc. or 2. Work your butt of for a year and transfer out.</p>

<p>From my experience (and intense worries, all speculative) during this process, there are two distinct strains of rejection anxiety:</p>

<p>1) The rejection itself, as an implication of a student’s lack of qualification (friends getting in might fall under this category)</p>

<p>2) The fact that one cannot go to one’s dream school, top choice, etc.</p>

<p>If it is the second one, a little bit of time and perhaps visiting the school if possible might help. </p>

<p>If it is the first one, as in my case, it’s more difficult because I would imagine that the feeling of inadequacy is exacerbated by being at school. Perhaps taking a break from stress factors (friends, school for a day) might help. I would appreciate more ideas on this point (in the case I have to face it, and the OP is in the same situation).</p>

<p>He is one of TENS OF MILLIONS in this situation. He needs to understand that. The sun will come up.</p>

<p>My D didnt get into the three reach schools she applied to. She got into all the match schools and safety schools, with scholarship money.</p>

<p>Her present boyfriend had a similar experience. </p>

<p>Now they are both doing extremely well, are well adjusted, enjoying school and each other and looking forward not backwards.</p>

<p>One of the reach schools contacted her about reapplying for the next year, which was a nice gesture and she thought about it. But really just wanted to move on in her life. </p>

<p>Some kids who did get into their dream schools come home disappointed at Christmas, stressed to the max, or shrugging their shoulders saying “its no big deal.” </p>

<p>Too much emphasis is placed by kids on the name of a school. As if a name is going to determine if they will be successful in life or not. And as if their own self worth, as measured by the peer pressure they get at school, is tied up in the name of the school they are attending. Of course, as adults we know that is totally wrong headed. Its a normal teenage feeling. </p>

<p>Just be there for him, encouraging him and reminding him that all things happen for a reason. Perhaps the girl of his dreams is waiting for him at UCSC or another school. Perhaps the opportunity of a lifetime, a professor just waiting to mentor him into a wonderful career or graduate study. It happens all the time.</p>

<p>Finally, undergraduate study is where it all begins, not ends. Graduate school is where you really get granular and focus on specific programs. And kids from all sorts of schools get into prestigious graduate programs. </p>

<p>Of course he can always transfer up after a year at UCSC or elsewhere. But I never recommend that unless there is a compelling reason, besides prestige.</p>

<p>Dance with the one who brung you, they say. </p>

<p>And wait until he hears from every college he applied to. Its not an IQ test. A great deal of luck goes into the admissions process. Kids get in who surprise you and gets get rejected who surprise you. But in September, it will all be wonderful as he moves into his dorm and makes new friends and starts his new life as a college student! </p>

<p>Tell him congratulations from everyone here who posts at CC and keep his chin up! He is already a HUGE success, just going to college!</p>

<p>n.b., getting into ANY of the UC’s is very, very difficult because of the sheer numbers of applications. Its very daunting. Tens of thousands of applicants to every school. So in one sense he is lucky to be accepted to one of them (and get that REALLY good value!) Life is serendipitous. He will be fine.</p>

<p>Why not try appealing? Plus he can always transfer if he doesn’t like UCSC, though he should like it because I have lots of friends there who I’ve visited and everyone I know loves it.</p>

<p>Hi, thanks very much for your feedback and recommendation. Indeed, very helpful! We are planning to visit UCSC campus this weekend so may be we will feel all relaxed and “happy” after the visit. May be we will have a picnic at the beach and the parent “ONLY” could finally enjoy that bottle of champagne (my wife bought it for celebration! – we must excuse her, she is French :slight_smile: ) .</p>

<p>This is our first experience with the US college selection process (very different from EU), so as parent, we just felt bit overwhelmed with the process and we struggled on how to better help and support him… a bit of parent-guilt feeling :-(. </p>

<p>This forum is definitively a great source for help, support and knowledge. – Thanks!</p>