“You may have wealth, but because you lack integrity people will continue to look down and be rude to you”
In 2015, I was able to find work at Target after not finding a job for a long while. I also did finish the second course in accounting. I found the Target Forum and asked for help. When my supervisor helped my brother who also worked there, in a bullying case, that’s when I was convinced he participates in that forum. I noticed his stares, and overheard conversations that he seemed to like me. I was confused because he has a girlfriend, but it seemed he talks about me around other managers. Yet, at one point, my heart was broken when they talked about “some women just want to stay at home and not have a career”. I actively looked for a job to prove myself.
I got out of retail and found a 40-hour a week job at a call center while at the same time, in the process of an interview at a bank that does investment accounting. I was offered a job there after only 2 months at the call center. I was so happy. I felt confident, and I challenged myself to take the CPA Exam after I was granted approval by CBA 2 years ago, but I just didn’t start it.
I blogged about my trading hobby, and made commentaries regarding issues at work. I offended the trainer after I made a comment on incorporating group sharing of knowledge at work. I felt harassed, and I was looked down upon. I quit my job after my manager suggested that I could write a resignation letter and send it to him by email.
I went back to that call center. The trainer made fun of me after she realized that I wasn’t what they expected I would be based on my blog which I do admit as a polished version of me. In reality, I am a first generation immigrant who isn’t sophisticated. She teased me many times, for the entire three weeks. She told me that my previous employer is watching my every move, and I was under surveillance in my own home.
I was fired after many absences. I don’t like being micromanaged, to be under constant surveillance. To further complicate the matter, they applied artificial intelligence in their surveillance, and could read my mind, they say. Why was I noticed? A horrible thought entered my mind regarding “degrees of connection” which was confirmed by that trainer who said I am under investigation for fraternization. It was a thought, among many obsessive, inappropriate thoughts that entered my mind.
I flew, for the first time, out of state, carrying my presentation. It was unsuccessful. Furthermore, they released the data of my “malicious” thoughts to the public.
When they gave me another chance of employment, it was under the same conditions which I find hostile. They were constantly reading the “feeds” and confronted me in a passive-aggressive manner. Moods change all the time. I’d try to be friendly, invited to a buffet, or will have laughs - and after a break, they’d be rude to me. Will then accuse me of causing the chaos or attracting hostility when I felt like I didn’t say or even acted badly towards my coworkers.
I have explained to my captor that these thoughts are uncontrollable, and I wish that they stop punishing me for my life experience. It should be apparent by now that I grow up in a dysfunctional family, that my father - while considered a hardworking guy, labeled as the #1 worker at his job - nitpicks all the time and lacks affection.
Yes, I am not used to working. Yes, there are many things I don’t know and all I could hope for is a passable performance. It surely isn’t helping that I felt that my conditions are NOT normal, and felt that I am setup for failure from all the microaggressions.
I find the surveillance at home as unfair. There are many stories out there of adult children - parent conflict when adult children are back at home, or have failure to launch. In my case, it is more complicated than that. It’s a co-dependency situation where we all need each other, barely surviving. We are a first generation immigrant family, with 3 full-time workers at home, and life is still hard for us.